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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to skip this wedding today...

68 replies

DancingLady · 01/08/2013 10:16

A few months ago I was invited to a wedding reception, taking place this evening. Invite was via Facebook group. The person getting married is a lovely woman I worked with 15 years ago and haven't seen in about 12 years. We got in touch on Facebook and exchanged one catch-up email, said oh we must meet up, never did. And a few months ago she invited me to her wedding.

I accepted to be polite and because I thought it'd be nice to see her. But now it's the actual day I really don't want to go!

My reasons are:

It's really fucking hot today and I don't want to sit on public transport for over an hour, in rush hour.
My asthma gets worse in hot weather. I'm already anxious about this.
The wedding is way up in north London and I live in deepest south.
Am wondering if I was invited to make up numbers?
No one gets to chat to people at their own wedding, do they? I'll say five words to her and that'll be it.
I won't know a single person there except her
It's at a house not a venue, so they won't have catered a meal for me or anything
Would you even notice if an acquaintance didn't show up for your wedding reception?

Should i go? Think it's pretty obvious I'm looking for reasons not to...

OP posts:

BeCool · 01/08/2013 17:32

Isn't it ironic the OP accepted the FB wedding invite "to be polite"?

wonderingsoul · 01/08/2013 17:41

one of my "best" friends didnt turn up to my wedding because she didnt have anythign to wear... that put a burner on our friendship and still piss's me off even though im divorced now.

that sai di do think you should attmep tto go, even just to show your face. but i dont think she'll be upset..seeing as you havnt seen her for a while but i do think it will prevent you from meeting up in the future.

so its up to you? do you want a relationship with her.

PomBearArmy · 01/08/2013 17:45

I don't blame you one bit OP. I don't have asthma and I thought I was going to collapse negotiating public transport today, the buses were horrendous, I felt like I lost a stone in sweat.

And it's not like you're a close friend, not if you were casually invited by Facebook!

I hope you enjoyed your day in the garden :)

expatinscotland · 01/08/2013 17:47

For an evening do? Just don't go.

expatinscotland · 01/08/2013 17:49

But I'd not go to any evening do.

theodorakisses · 01/08/2013 17:55

Don't go. They will not notice, send a message explaining why and a nice gift. The risk is it may have been a really enjoyable experience that you miss, on the other hand, you can have a brilliant bonus time at home and savour every second of not going. If you do that, push the boat out and order whatever takeaway you fancy, snuggle up on the sofa and be lovely to your family. Life is too short to not have those bonus moments. We recently were dreading an extremely formal dinner, they cancelled that afternoon and we donned pjs and had a lush waste day.

Angloamerican · 01/08/2013 19:27

You think it's ok to skip out on a wedding that you RSVP'd to in order to have a nice takeaway? Some friend you are!

Bowlersarm · 01/08/2013 19:36

I cannot believe people think it's ok to just not turn up at a wedding.

How rude and inconsiderate.

I, hope, in general, people are not as 'me, me, me' in RL.

If you accept an invitation, then you go unless something serious crops up. Not because you can't be arsed.

I feel very for this lovely person who invited you, OP.

attheendoftheday · 01/08/2013 19:41

I think it is rude to not go to something you've said you'd attend without a pretty good reason. The other side of london is hardly the outer hebrides.

digerd · 01/08/2013 20:07

I have asthma and today has been terrible - the worst this summer. I live just north of London. It is 29.5 and very humid - suffocating still.

Hope you are OK OP

SweetSeraphim · 01/08/2013 22:27

Sorry, but I agree with the posters that said you were just looking for excuses not to go because you couldn't be arsed. In fact you said it yourself. I think if it wasn't a close enough friend, then you shouldn't have accepted the invitation in the first place - but to do so and not go is really rude. There were friends of mine that didn't turn up to my wedding, and my 40th birthday party that I have never forgiven - and that's not because I'm all precious about it, it's just horribly bad manners.

theodorakisses · 02/08/2013 07:38

The person concerned isn't a close friend, she hasn't even seen her for years. Yes I do think life is too short, why torture yourself? Would someone you haven't seen for 12 years be a priority at your wedding? And, seriously, a Facebook invite? Is that even valid?

SweetSeraphim · 02/08/2013 16:17

So, did you go, OP? And if not, did you let her know?

MintyChops · 03/08/2013 10:42

Yes, come on OP, what did you do?

mameulah · 03/08/2013 10:47

You haven't seen her in twelve years. Do what feck said then don't go and don't worry about it. But don't expect to maintain your friendship.

SweetSeraphim · 03/08/2013 15:07

She's not going to tell us, is she Minty

MintyChops · 03/08/2013 16:50

Well Seraphim, she may be one of those posters that didn't like it when people on AIBU actually said yes, YABU!!! I doubt we'll hear from her (or she went, she scored and she hasn't made it home yet).....

SweetSeraphim · 03/08/2013 19:16

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