Work dickheads making me feel guilty about something out of my control

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

One of my colleagues (who I do genuinely like very much) is getting married in 2 weeks time, in the Lake District. I and 2 other colleagues have been invited and have all accepted. I have been trying since February to get the other two to decide what we are doing wrt hotels/driving up etc and have drawn a blank. I made a list of hotels available etc and sent them to them by email but one of them has just been very vague to the point that I thought she would drop out at the last minute.

In the last few days, they have rang around hotels and found some with rooms available but also in the last few days, DH has broken his hand in 5 places. He is due back at fracture clinic today to see whether it needs to be reset as they think that there might be some rotational damage to one of his fingers. I messaged the two of them last night to explain and to say that I might not be able to make the wedding. DH can't drive (luckily, I have been learning so am able to drive him now) can't bath DS, can't do a lot that requires two hands tbh. Just got a really curt message back from one of them saying "well can you let us know ASAP? We need to book rooms and people have dropped out already. You also need to let X (the bride know) know"

I understand that rooms need to be booked, I have been trying to get them to do it since February. I also know that I need to let the bride know, but I didn't think one day would make a difference whilst we are waiting for the fracture clinic to assess. I know I am going to be made to feel shit about it but it can't be helped. I have no-one to have DS for me for a whole weekend as GPs are away and all close friends are also away! Gah! :(

Fuck 'em Twatters. Patronising arseholes.

One day will make sod all difference, they're doing that thing all last-minute-Larry's do. They leave everything to the very last second than get in a flap and have to do everything right this moment or else.

They're panicking because they know they've let it too late so one slight issue and they're fucked.

Soz about your DH's hand, hope it's not as serious as it seems.

This sounds like my idea of a nightmare TBH, one of those situations which snowballs out of control and everyone around you will have an opinion because it's a wedding which gives everyone the 'right' to behave like an unreasonable arsehole. If it was me, I would get in touch with the bride ASAP and tell her you can't go. Then email your shitty colleagues and tell them the bride is fine with it (fingers crossed, unless she's a bridezilla) and that you hope they have a great time.

The problem is that people overreact on behalf of the bride and it sounds a bit like one of 'those' weddings where the bride expects you to travel, pay for accommodation and totally ignores the fact you have a husband and child. I see it as the bride and groom expecting you to celebrate their choices whilst they totally ignore yours for the sake of saving money, they also expect you to do the same thing since you're the one who has to pay.

farrow I like your thinking!

I don't see it that the bride is "expecting" anything. Invites are just that, invitations. If you don't want to go you're free to turn them down. No "expectations" involved. No one is complaining about being invited as far as I can see.

I think I'm in the minority on here though, I like weddings, they don't offend me in the slightest. Although in fairness I've only ever been invited to the weddings of people I actually like. An awful lot of MN'ers seem to be invited by people they can't stand, and therefore view being invited as an insult. Not something I can identify with at all.

It's awfully hard dealing with children with a healing broken hand. Mine didn't heal for weeks after it should have because OH had to work and couldn't get any more time off to help. It sounds like your DH needs you there regardless of the assessment from the fracture clinic. Ouch.

Just let the bride know, I'm sure she'll be fine with it. It sounds like your colleagues are making a bigger deal of it than she will, it's a shame but it can't be avoided.

Thanks guyz, I didn't think I was being unreasonable tbh but I thought I'd better check!

The bride will be fine I think. She is a lovely girl and understanding of the fact that people have problems from time to time. My boss, on the other hand, is a bit of a dick sometimes and had days off sick to deal with a SICK DOG, so I cannot imagine her attending if she were in a similar position.

Also LOL at "last-minute Larrys"

It'll be a shame if you can't go, sounds like it would have been fun (once all the faffing was sorted!).

Are there any friends that could help your DH at all or could your DS maybe have a sleep over at a school friend's?

Blimey, some strange attitudes to weddings on here.

They're not all a nightmare. What's not to like about the chance to spend a day with friend and family and eat some lovely food?

They've got a cheek, haven't they! I'd just pass on the entire thing, given the circumstances. I can't see any reasonable bride being offended in this instance, and your work colleagues can just stick their hotel bookings where ever they fancy...

Actually, I'd be inclined to let the bride know and leave the work colleagues hanging. After all, they left you hanging about arrangements before

They sound like a nightmare. The bride sounds like she'd understand the problem you have so I'd tell her now that you can't go and I bet she will be fine with it.

Print out Gin's sign onto postcard and send it to the dickhead colleagues with this note.

My husband has broken his hand
The Bride and Groom both understand
That I won't be pitching up
So you shut your bitching up
It's your own fault, you should have pre-planned.

I have killed the thread with bad poetry

farrow

I like the cut of your jib.

wedding, schmeddings. Even my own was a let-down. It's the marriage that matters

I would just explain to the B and G that you can't now attend due to DH's injury, sorry, hope everything goes fabulously and hope to get to together for a celebratory drink or meal at a later date.

Unless the colleagues are children they should be able to arrange their travel and accommodation.

Hope DH's hand recovers well.