to be worried about taking up a fantastic job opportunity...

[emeraldgirl1]

... because of the impact on DD.

After 4 or 5 years of a frankly shit time on the career front I suddenly have a fantastic opportunity to do a project that will be interesting, exciting, and pay halfway decently for a change.

But I am considering turning it down because I am worried about how it will affect my baby daughter.

I should say that I know I am being nuts. I am a freelancer who works from home and the childcare I would be taking up would be the 2 grandmothers (ie free, and family!!!!)

Also it would only be approx 3 to 3.5 days a week...

I know plenty of people (my sister, my best friend, to name but two) who would cut their right arm off to have an opportunity to work part-time, from home, and with childcare coming from grandma!!!

I do know how insane it sounds.

If you'd asked me before having DD I would have laughed long and loud at the thought that I would even consider turning this project down. It's the kind of thing I have been desperate to come my way for years.

She would be 6mo when I start the project, she is 5mo now, and I can barely leave her for a single minute, partly because she is a high-maintenance baby (!) who frets when I am not there and partly just because I don't like to leave her. (Obv am happy to leave her to go to the loo etc, but I am the type of PFB mother who got all antsy about leaving her - asleep - wth her grandmas when me and DH went out for a bit to eat a few weeks ago).

I could just about afford to say no to this work from a financial point of view but obviously with a small baby every penny is important.

More than that, I have worked a long time to build a career and I always really really enjoyed my work. I know logically that Happy mum is better for happy baby, and I have always always felt that it is good (just my pov) for a child to have a mum who does other work than 'just' (ha!!!!!) motherhood. (my own mum was a very very unhappy SAHM, very VERY unfulfilled, and I never wanted that for my own kids if I had them. I am not decrying stay-at-home-motherhood for those it suits!!!!!)

So please tell me IABU and give me a slap in the face with a kipper.

I can't shake off the feeling that I would be short changing DD in some way if I took on the work.

She is so little she can't say whether or not she wants me to do it IYSWIM, or whether she would prefer mum around every minute of her day.

On another note, if anyone has any advice about least disruptive way )for child) for mum to work from home, I'd appreciate it!!! While I think on one level it would be lovely for me if I were able to pop up to do every feed, nappy change, cuddle etc, I'm aware that it might be more disruptive to her if I did that and she might be better off if I 'left' her alone for several hours at a stretch.

I'm in a similar position in so much as I started back to work from home when DD was 4 mo and my childcare is done by my fabulous mum. She comes to my house and so I don't feel like I ever really left DD, I was always around, and now she has a brilliant bond with her GM and doesn't give a hoot when I go out and leave the two of them together. Can you get your DM and MIL to come to you for the first few weeks at least? Your DD will get used to it over time without the shock of you suddenly disappearing. Good luck, it sounds like a brilliant opportunity!

Euphemia thank you... I will check out that link!!!

I really really do know I'm being silly.

It's just that I had a meeting today (my first since she was born, to dicuss this project) and left her with DH for 2 hours, and she was SO happy to see me when I came home, it broke my heart!! THat gummy smile where you feel bad for not being as amazing as they think you are...

I then has a lovely afternoon with her playing, I felt really energised, so I do logically know it would be good for her for me to be doing something else that I love.

I studied at home when my baby was that age, and it was absolutely fine. She was still sleeping a good part of the day anyway. Can you work for a few hours during the day and then a few in the evening when she is in bed, or what way will it work?

I really think you might regret it if you turn this down x

As someone who has worked part-time since my son was 9 months I really don't think you will be short changing your baby. That said, the only right decision is the one that's right for you and your family!

Gail, thank you!! Good advice about me staying at home and them coming to me. Can I ask how you arranged your time ie did you take frequent breaks to see DD or did you decide better to crack on with work, let her do her thing, and see her several hours later?

it will be fine! you are a much better mum and role model if you have a bit of a life outside being a parent IMO.

MissDuke, I would absolutely aim to work while she sleeps, in the evnings etc too - in all honesty that is going to be the only way I can get away with doing 3ish days a week rather than 4 or 5 as there is a deadline. Trouble is she's not a long sleeper during the day - 45 mins at most 3 times a day - and I still need to think about housework, laundry etc. DH is fantastic (he does all the cooking) but I can't let the house go totally to rack and ruin (no matter how hard I try :) ...)

It sounds like you'd be nuts to turn it down - how long will the project last? If you really hate it then it sounds like it's not forever anyway.

It seems like you've struggled to leave your DD with the two GMs up to now so you will need to ease into it gradually and let your DD build her relationship with them both maybe 2-3hrs at a time, you are very lucky that this work seems to be flexible enough to allow that :)

Go for it.

badguider - that's a good point, I do need to allow a few weeks transition I think, I guess I was thinking I 'had' to leave her suddenly for a day at a time... I don't. If I get started quite soon I probably have a month or so where we can ease into it.

I do know how lucky I am!!!

It sounds a lovely idea for your DD to bond with her GMs.

Just do it!

(My DD is 15 now but still has a lovely relationship with her nan who has looked after her sometimes since the same age as your DD)

Well, my work is sort of dictated by clients wanting me to be available to talk to them at certain times or giving me stuff to do for a period of time and then checking in, so I work upstairs but then when I have a break or a bit of quiet time I go downstairs to see what DD is doing. But sometimes I do say to clients that I need 10 minutes to sort out something specific for her ( when she really needs BF or isn't well for example). I think that if they are at your house then you could start by taking frequent breaks to see her and then increase the time, if that works for you and her, or just structure it however seems to work the best knowing that you can get to her instantly if necessary. As other people have said, over time it will become normal to her and you too and being used to spending time with her GMs will be wonderful for them all. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more x

Thank you Gail!!! x

In the nicest possible way... woman up

It will be great for you and DD will be just fine :)

I KNOW it's hard, but really, try not to fret in advance.

There's no need to put everyone through weeks of 'easing into it'. Just crack on with it when you need to - maybe one or two 'half days' the week before or something, but that's more than enough.

I wouldn't blame the grandma's if they would prefer to have DD at their house. It's hard when the parents are around and it means they are out of their own house all the time... let them decide, DD will be fine either way and you may actually find it's better as you can get on with your work without constantly hearing them play, giggle & have fun and feel left out or hear her grizzle or cry and want to rush to her.

Just work efficiently when you have childcare and enjoy her the rest of the time - trying to combine the two is hard for you, confusing for her and bloody annoying for the caregiver :)

It's an amazing opportunity - don't screw it up because of some perceived detriment to DD - silly moose

I would give this project a go as it sounds like you could regret it if you don't.

My DCs are grown now but I would say this is quite a good time for you to work as babies might miss you but will be fine as long as they are fed, changed and cared for. I worked a day or two a week from the time when mine were about 6months old and think I missed them more than they missed me. In my opinion, with the advantage of hindsight, the age mine needed me most was about 11-15ish

Good luck with it

Take the job. I understand your fears, I was horrified at the thought of going back when my pfb was 5mo. I went back when she was 8mo and it was the best thing for me and my family. It's meant financial stability, reduced the pressure to earn from DH and the pressure to keep house from me. I love work, much more than I did before I had children, I like the identity it gives me, the adult company, the variety it gives my life.

I will add though that working from home can be difficult. I have a friend doing this and her dd knowing she is there is difficult, with a tiny one it might be different.

Chipping - your post was great, thank you!! :)

I am happy to be called a silly moose, I can't even really believe I am doubting this all so much.

To paraphrase Alex Ferguson - motherhood, bloody hell!!

I think whether DD is looked after in your home or the GM's homes should be the GMs decision! What with them being the ones doing the work an' all!

And it will be fine. Try not to worry. Your DD will adapt that's what kids are good at.

So - have you ripped their arm off yet??

Chipping... I have :) :)

Still stressing about the detail of how it's all going to work but I needed to just make the decision. I believe in my heart that it's the right thing for all of us.

Thanks so much for checking in!!!!

Well done you :) I am very impressed!!

It really will all work out. You'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about or hunt me down and shoot me.