to complain about midwife (internal/assault)

[Hensinthehedgerow]

I'm sorry if this is in the wrong section. I'm in search of some opinions. This may not sound like much to complain about to some people. But this has really affected me and my marriage and I can't seem to move on.

In summary, I had a birth plan, it said no internal examinations and everything done needs to be explained to me. I thought she was doing an external examination, but instead did an internal which was very painful and basically in public view after my husband had been sent out of the room. I wish I had kicked her in the head and screamed and called the police, but I was holding my newborn baby and didn't I want to cry, I can't sleep.

I raised these issues with the som who said it shouldn't have happened an that she would speak to the midwives. Then emailed me to say the midwives agreed more communication would have been helpful to me wft

I have no idea if making a formal complaint will help. But can't let this go. Aibu to complain. The midwives were horrible and essentially bullied my husband. I guess it's wwyd? Sorry for the ramble.

[maja00]

Pinupgirl - sorry, but that is a horrible attitude that seeks to silence women. You have to put up with any kind of horrible and degrading treatment, even being assaulted, and then should be grateful to have a live baby.

Of course, women who don't want to be treated like a piece of meat are just thinking of themselves and don't give a shit about their babies

Amazingly enough, it is actually possible to deliver a healthy baby AND be treated with respect.

[maja00]

nurseneedshelp - do you see gaining consent as just some optional extra? Nice to get, but women should just be grateful for whatever treatment they get.

[thebody]

CONSENT is required for any examination or procedure.

that's the law.

doesn't matter in any way who is doing it or for what reason or however laudable their motives.. it's assault without consent!

[sweetiepie1979]

majoo yes that would be assault and it has happened to be and I think everyone on here would agree that that would definitely be assault as I would be a party. This case went straight to court and I won. Yes that was assault! A midwife did a check A CHECK to see if OP had torn needed stitches whatever. Are you saying what happened me is the same as a midwife checking a woman after she's given birth? Can someone more articulate than me please explain this to majaoo

[SarahAndFuck]

"Right! Did she actually put her hand in your vagina?"

You sound a bit aggressive here yourself sweetie, especially as you say it's a sensitive topic.

I think you need to back off from the OP a bit, she doesn't have to answer that question. She's not on trial here.

[Hensinthehedgerow]

I delivered my baby, she had nothing to do with it. Thank you for the supportive comments, I will call PALS and hopefully get some closure. I want to move on. I really need to. X

[ANormalOne]

I'm disgusted by this thread, what a surprise.

She should have gained verbal consent and explained what she was doing but maybe you were busy bonding with your baby!

Ah, so that's fine, as long as she was bonding with her baby, perfectly justified to shove her hands inside her without consent then.

[maja00]

ballinacup - why is it a stupid comparison? Putting your hand in someone's vagina expressly against their wishes with no attempt to gain consent is pretty clear cut.

[thebody]

nurse, assume like me you are/were a qualified nurse?

I never assaulted a patient. I assumed that was not my role!

[ANormalOne]

A midwife did a check A CHECK to see if OP had torn needed stitches whatever

Without getting informed consent, which part of this are you NOT getting, honestly.

It's not bloody difficult.

Don't stick any part of your anatomy inside a woman unless she TELLS you you can.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

And what happens when medical professionals start disregarding consent forms? Do you think that they should just be able to do whatever they like whenever they want? There are any number of reasons why people refuse treatment or ask for alternatives. Religion, fear, previous trauma, inability to understand fully due to language barriers or learning difficulties. It is not ok to just go and do it no matter how "trivial or harmless" the procedure is deemed to be.

The baby had been born already. There was no threat to the baby or ops life and it would have taken five mins if that to look at notes or actually speak to the patient.

op absolutely should complain. Imagine who else the midwife has done this to.

[SarahAndFuck]

OP you don't have to answer anything asked of you here.

You were given an internal examination without your consent, something you had expressly stated you didn't want in your birth plan.

Nobody should be making you justify why you feel assaulted because of that.

[YoniMontana]

I know where you are coming from Hens I very rarely talk about it with anyone as I get similar responses that you have done here.
I ended up with severe PND and diagnosed with PTSD (mine was from repeated attempts at a foetal scalp monitor with three different people trying with just gas and air).
All I can say is a can empathise with you 100% I wrote a letter of complaint but never had the guts to post it because I couldn't face going over it again.
With time (DS1 is 5) I have got better and no longer have flashbacks. I was also able to have a smear done for the first time without a panic attack this year.
Those of you who are saying "put up with it" clearly have no idea how the OP or anyone else this has happened to are feeling.
Please pm me if you want to talk.
I hope you can come to terms with it some day (instead of being told to "get over it, you have a healthy baby" like I was).

[nurseneedshelp]

The midwife has just safely delivered the womans baby!

There would be an out cry if she'd not examined her and the baby died! Then you'd all be asking why hadn't she been examined properly!

Ffs you lot want to try working in such a high pressured job when you're trying to save lives with minimum equipment and the threat of constant litigation!

You haven't got a clue!

She was doing her job!

[maja00]

nurse - the OP delivered her own baby. Does being an HCP entitle you to stick your hand up a woman's vagina without their consent?

Does "saving lives" mean you can do what you like regardless of the patient's wishes?

Is assaulting your patients part of your job?

The baby had been born and was breastfeeding. Checking to see if the mother had a graze/tear was not a life threatening emergency

[UniqueAndAmazing]

I am shocked how many women think it's okay for a person to touch them without their permission.

It is actually a legal requirement that a medical professional must ask for consent to perform any procedure . any procedure at all.

not to is assault, even if it doesn't hurt.

there's no implied consent either - the person must ask and obtain express permission.

so, yes hens - complain officially and have it followed up.

[ANormalOne]

nurse

Your name is incredibly appropriate.

You certainly need help if you think anything makes touching a woman without her consent acceptable.

She wasn't doing her job PROPERLY she didn't read OPs notes and she then assaulted her.

You don't have a clue, love.

[ballinacup]

maja00 you're insulting any woman who has been assaulted sexually. Just stop it, you're making yourself sound sillier by the post. There is a world of difference between a man doing that under sexual motivations and a midwife performing a post birth check for tearing etc.

[maja00]

ballinacup - sorry, I disagree that motivation is the big division. Consent is. Without consent, against the women's wishes = assault.

[SarahAndFuck]

"The midwife has just safely delivered the womans baby!"

No, she hadn't.

"There would be an out cry if she'd not examined her and the baby died! Then you'd all be asking why hadn't she been examined properly!"

This makes no sense. The midwife examined the OP to prevent the baby from dying? How does that work?

"Ffs you lot want to try working in such a high pressured job when you're trying to save lives with minimum equipment and the threat of constant litigation!"

Makes it all the more important to read notes and ask permission and explain things to patients and ask permission before you do something so traumatic to them.

"She was doing her job."

Badly.

[UniqueAndAmazing]

nurse - the baby was already out FFS.
how would examining OP make any difference to the baby's life or death?

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

But doing her job involves seeking consent and ensuring she looks at notes do as to be aware of these things. If she had asked and op said no then that's down to her. Staff would have to accept that those were her wishes and explain the consequences. Once a disclaimer is signed surely all responsibility falls to the patient.

Doing your job means sticking to the protocol no matter how much you agree or disagree with it. Patients are free to refuse anything they wish.

[YoniMontana]

I wish I had people like maja00 and ANormalOne around me when it happened to me. You both get it.

[nurseneedshelp]

The body- yep I too am a nurse, a nursing sister with 20 years experience in a very busy A+E department.

I've obviously never assaulted any of my patients but I've sometimes undertaken procedures that they've fought against and been too ill to consent too.

Its called being their advocate and providing care that's within their best interests.

Clearly the op wasn't in this situation but I'm quite sure the midwife hasn't assaulted her or done anything unnecessary!

[maja00]

And it is only an "insult" to people who have been sexually assaulted if you believe "medical" assaults are trivial, not really a problem, not an assault at all in fact - which I don't. I don't think the women who are left traumatised by assaults by medical staff think it trivial either.