AIBU and spoilt for wanting DH to occasionally sort babysitting out and take me out or away??

[dirtyface]

dh has got a bit of spare cash atm, as he has done some extra hours at work. not loads but enough for a weekend away. we really need it as have had a stressful few months, a very stressful house move, which needs a lot of doing up, and also a miscarriage in april, plus i have been quite ill with depression and anxiety, probably cos of the above

he says he will take me away, and will pay for it if i sort out a babysitter (ie my mum or his mum)

every time we do something like this (which is not that often) its always me who has the headache of sorting childcare. and its complicated as my DS is from my prev marriage so i have to juggle DS dads access as well as sorting someone to have my DD (who is DHs). he also seems reluctant to ask his mum to have both dcs and i feel its because only one of them is her "proper" GC. so when his mum babysits its only ever DD. which is a whole other thread tbh

anyway AIBU to want him to come home one day and say, i am taking you away this weekend and my mums having the kids so all you need to do is just pack your bags

YANBU. I have a husband like this who is the father of our 2 children and he wouldn't think to do this.

Yanbu to want to be whisked away without lifting a finger.

However, given your DS's access which presumably DH doesn't have a hand in organising, does he simply think it would be easier for you to sort childcare as you know what is going on? If you told him that DS was with you X weekend, could he sort the rest?

Btw I have long learned that if I want a holiday, then I need to do everything myself and simply present DH with a fait accompli. Left to him, he likes holidays, but we'd never have one.

Have you told him what you've told us?

TBH I think Yabu. You are a partnership and each have a role here- he pays for the trip and you sort out the childcare. It can't be that complicated- either your mum has both kids for all time other than DS sees his dad or your mum has DS and your MIL has DD.

If you do feel you need to talk to your h about it then at least wait till after the weekend.

The ds access does complicate things so I'm afraid for me yabu

oh and meant to say, DS dads access is same every week. fri night to saturday evening

and it has been this way for years.

i dont know whether to say anything to him daheln cos as i said i am worried am being spoilt and U so don't want to come across as such!

if your oldest DS's care is in the arrangement, and his family doesnt want both children, i can completely see why he thinks its easier for you to arrange things, he is taking you away, i presume you have family who will look after both children? pick up the phone, ask them, tell DH childcare is arranged and take your much needed break. Maybe is embarrassed by his familiy's stance, and it sounds easier for you to arrange, dont sweat the small stuff or you will spoil the weekend away before its even started

I would talk to him about it. You'll only come across as spoiled if you stamp you feet and make it sound like a demand. Saying something like "I'd like to have it all arranged for me so that I am just whisked away because that would make me feel really special. Having to organise it somehow takes away a bit of the magic. But I'm aware it can be difficult for you to do that because of DS and I don't want to be unreasonable about this. What do you think?" is simply an invitation to talk about it.

I don't have any access arrangements to consider and still always arrange any childcare. I really don't have an issue with doing so. If you do, then I suggest you bring it up in a nice way, but I think you might run a risk of sounding ungrateful.

YABU, if you have sitters available surely its not that hard to pick up the phone?

He has already worked for the money, is willing to use on something frivilous rather than work on the house and its still not enough.

YANBU I feel the same sometimes. I don't mind organising our social lives (such as it is lol) most of the time but occasionally it would be nice to have him do it and just to say we are going out, it's all arranged.

But hey ho.... One day maybe lol

My Dh will arrange stuff but I'm always leftto sort childcare. When I had swine flu whilst pg with twins I threw the phone at him and told him to sort it as I didn't have the energy... He looked shocked but I was so ill I couldn't think straight.

well glad its just not me :o

i had a chat with him on the phone about this, didnt have a go or anything, just said along the lines of what dahlen suggested to say upthread

anyway he rang me back a bit later to tell me he is taking me out friday night and his mum has got dd, so a result of sorts ;)

however he then text me a bit later saying "we'll be fucked for babysitters if we have another one"

charming. and a bit insensitive imo in view of the recent MC and the fact we are ttc :/

Yabu