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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to have to sort out DH's diet? (lighthearted - kind of...!)

16 replies

Rootatoot · 31/07/2013 10:07

DH has been told to loose some weight which is a good thing. He struggles with self discipline though, eg will eat whole packet biscuits rather than make self a sandwidge ( sorry can't resist ;) or wait for dinner. I do all the cooking in our house and have told him I am not faffing about doing calorie controlled diet. He can eat healthily, cut out the crap and do some excercise IMO. His DM however has just bought ME a book on some diet so I can do this for him.

AIBU to feel a bit hacked off that I now am going to be making 3 different meals a day if I cave in?!

OP posts:

CatelynStark · 31/07/2013 10:09

He's a grown man!

livinginwonderland · 31/07/2013 10:13

He's a grown man. It's his responsibility, not yours!

Original poster

Rootatoot · 31/07/2013 10:14

I know! Seems his mum doesn't!

OP posts:

Offler · 31/07/2013 10:15

It doesn't matter how healthily you cook if he gorges on biscuits etc!

You can however make a few small changes in cooking meals for both of you, that you can both eat without feeling like you are calorie controlling.

When I needed to lose weight, but DP didn't, he still ate the same as me. Smaller portions, more veg, using less oil etc for cooking. Weight Watchers or Slimming world have some good healthy recipies to make old favourites like spag bol, shepherds pie, chilli's etc with a few less calories, but with no detriment to the flavour.

But, he's the one that has to do the work. Ultimately he is the only one who can control what he puts in his mouth!

TheFuzz · 31/07/2013 10:15

Just cook healthily, portion control and don't have snacks in the house. He also needs exercise !

No need for you to do anymore.

tumbletumble · 31/07/2013 10:16

I think there is a compromise here. Yes he's a grown man and no you shouldn't have to cook separate meals, but couldn't you make an effort to cook healthier stuff for everyone in the family?

GrimmaTheNome · 31/07/2013 10:17

YANBU - not primarily because of the effort you'll need to put in but because if he doesn't see it as his responsibility it is unlikely to be effective.

How about you suggest he tries the the 5:2 - then most of the time its normal healthy food and a only couple of days to think about - you could probably find meals where you can have essentially the same thing but you don't give him any carb or you have something else before or after. Or give him a calorie-controlled ready meal those days.

vvviola · 31/07/2013 10:19

He's a grown man and can look after himself... BUT... I was happy to tweak meals when DH was losing weight. e.g. I'd do something using grilled chicken, and give DH a pile of lettuce instead of the pasta that DC & I were having. Or I'd make a lower fat sauce for whatever we were having.

But then I already cook for food allergies, so there's no way I'm adding an extra meal to complicate things. But tweaking, if it helps (and, crucially DH - not his mother - wants me to), I'm willing to do,

Trills · 31/07/2013 10:23

Why 3?

Make healthy food, give him the same size portion as you (I'm making the assumption that you are smaller than him and eat sensible portions for your size).

Or get him on the 5:2 - 5 days make healthy food, give him the same portion as you, 2 days he can do as he likes as long as it's under 600 calories.

Original poster

Rootatoot · 01/08/2013 11:09

Trills - 3 because I don't eat meat and have allergies, and we have a toddler too and I don't want to do a diet myself.

Update - book arrived and DH is reading it. It IS the fasting diet it turns out. The 'recipes' are stuff like poached eggs on toast! LOL. Think could have worked that one out myself. Still I guess if he goes for fasting, it might be easy enough.

I'm ok doing healthy food. Generally we do eat healthily apart from when I want a night off from cooking and get an occasional take away or ready meal. It was more the MIL sending ME the book to sort out the diet for her little boy I objected to, esp when he tends to eat tons of stuff between meals! (Another recent example of this kind of thing was when he announced he was tired just before I started bed/bath routine for DS last time she was here, asked DH if he needed a nap and she'd come and wake him after an hour if that's what he wanted....in OUR house. Unfortunately I found that in sorting bed/bath out for DS I accidentally woke him up. Oh dear

OP posts:

Original poster

Rootatoot · 01/08/2013 11:11

I should add that I had been up since about 4.30am since DS had woken v early that day and also catered for all the family visiting etc. So if anyone wanted a nap it was ME!

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 01/08/2013 11:14

He's a grown man. Tell him to act like one, even around his mother.

razmataz · 01/08/2013 11:15

If I was you, I would be happy to prepare a lower calorie variation of whatever I was having - in fact I normally do the reverse for my OH as I low carb and he doesn't.

So I will do something like a roast chicken and have it with salad, and bung a jacket spud in the oven for him. I basically replace the carb element of his meal with salad or veggies for me. So you're not cooking two separate meals, just a couple of different elements, which is fine for me.

Agree MIL is taking the proverbial a bit by sending you the book, but then if she knows you do all the cooking, it might make sense. I presume DP helps you out in other ways to compensate for you doing the cooking?

Original poster

Rootatoot · 01/08/2013 11:27

That's a good suggestionraz, that will work a bit easier. Years ago a read a good 'diet' book which is more about healthy eating than a fad diet by Patrick Holford, and I remember a lot of those principles about fat burning, so I've been trying to reduce the carbs, do low GI foods etc etc.

MIL just takes bossy-ness to the extreme when 'helping' I'm afraid. I'd already declined her offer to lend me a load of her diet books (not doing calorie counting fads), so buying one anyway was a bit cheeky. Still as I say, could have been worse!

DH helps by going to work. The rest ...I do but that's another story!

OP posts:

specialsubject · 01/08/2013 11:31

someone else wastes money on a book of the bleeding obvious. The peddlers of fad diets love people like your MIL.

stop buying snacks, make the normal healthy food that it sounds like you make anyway and serve normal portions.

and the offer of diet books is as insulting as it gets.

SanityClause · 01/08/2013 11:32

Does he liked to be "mummied" by her? Does he think you should "mummy" him?

I understand that MIL's actions are an implied criticism of you - "you should be taking better care of him." But, if it's only her opinion, and not DH's, it really doesn't matter.

Re the diet. Talk to him about what you can do to help and support him with it (give him smaller portions, help keep temptations out of his way, make sure meals cooked are healthy, or whatever). But make sure he understands that ultimately, he is responsible for his own health, as you are for yours.

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