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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or are some people just really fecking rude?!

29 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 31/07/2013 10:00

Example: just rang up work to confirm my return date had to speak to office manager not my boss we're the same level and work closely together. I had a baby sane time as his wife.
Conversation:
Me: hi x how are you?
Him: fine- what did you want?
Me: just calling about email. Hope you're little ones good?
Him: he's fine

Then we spoke about email, think that's a bit rude I'd always ask someone back and never say what do you want.
Aibu to expect people to have manners and not be rude?

OP posts:

angelos02 · 31/07/2013 10:03

Maybe he was busy?

ImNotBloody14 · 31/07/2013 10:06

Maybe he had loads to do- he is in work you know! He cant be clogging up the phoneline comparing baby notes. Or maybe he's just not interested in your baby- not everyone has to be.

itsaruddygame · 31/07/2013 10:06

He sounds rude.

MelanieCheeks · 31/07/2013 10:08

Maybe he doesnt do small talk and just wanted to concentrate on the business matters. I know I can be a bit like that some times - I have to force myself to start work phone calls with some chat about the weather or holidays etc, when really I'd rather just get straight to the point.

farrowandbawl · 31/07/2013 10:08

He's probably just busy working and tired from the baby keeping them up at night.

The last thing I wanted to talk about at work were my kids, to me, working was a welcome break - something different to think about in peace and quiet.

Put it down to just catching him at a bad time.

sonlypuppyfat · 31/07/2013 10:09

There is never any excuse for bad manners no matter how busy or disinterested you are, I found someones wages at work once she phoned our shop to see if we'd found them she came in I handed it too her, and not a thank you a smile nothing, bitch.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2013 10:10

He's rude. If it wasn't a good time to speak, he could have said so, 'so sorry, I have to dash into a meeting, could I call you back / ask x to call you this afternoon?'.

J In fact it would have taken the same amount of time to be pleasant, in a brisk 'lovely to speak but must get on' tone. Senior people always have that one perfected - they're pleasant but you know not to waste any time. Thus, he will not become senior.

ReindeerBollocks · 31/07/2013 10:11

I agree that he could just have been busy. Unless he is normally rude when you interact with him in the office?

Or he could be exhausted if baby is still waking.

I would agree that he was a little short with you, but it is probably nothing personal.

lucamom · 31/07/2013 10:16

Tired or busy is no excuse-particularly in a professional capacity.

Rudeness to one's colleagues or customers shows an unprofessional attitude, and an inability to keep one's personal issues away from the workplace.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2013 10:22

I don't see how anyone can not understand his first response as rude. Anyone unable to summon basic manners should not be allowed near a phone, a colleague, or a customer, so should probably not be doing a job that involves speaking to people.

jacks365 · 31/07/2013 10:24

He wanted to discuss work not personal lives he probably thinks you are rude for asking when he'd made it clear he just wanted to discuss something more important ie the reason for your call

ImNotBloody14 · 31/07/2013 10:31

For all we know he might just have had a bollocking for chatting about non work stuff on the phone and the boss was standing right there when you called. If he's normally a pleasant colleague then i'd consider it as you catching him on an off day or a bad time in work or something.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2013 10:51

Oh come on, how is 'fine, what do you want?' not rude?

He didn't have to discuss personal lives at all. He did need to say 'well thanks, you?', because that is how basic manners work. He could have said that in a brisk 'must get on' tone, or, said 'well thanks but horribly busy' in a 'you know how it is' tone.

It sounds very much as though he either has no respect for the OP and sees her as a pain - ok but not ok to convey this - or he has no social skills whatsoever and shouldn't be in a job that involves talking to people.

ImNotBloody14 · 31/07/2013 11:00

Well it really depends how it was said, and im not sure if it was intentional but you have said 'what do you want' which where i am from has a completely different message behind it than 'What did you want' which is what he said.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2013 11:03

Misquoted deliberately because it means the same thing. 'Fine thanks, what can I do for you?', said nicely, would have been just about acceptable. Not pleasant but not blatantly rude.

DayOldCheesecake · 31/07/2013 11:08

So you've got ants in your pants because he didn't coo over your baby?

Newslfash: nobody gives a shit about your baby. Blog about it fgs.

ImNotBloody14 · 31/07/2013 11:09

Well as i said, it doesnt necessarily mean the same thing.

chocoluvva · 31/07/2013 11:11

It does sound abrupt to the point of being rude, but I also think it was a bit presumptuous of you to begin with small talk when you were phoning about work. It's up to him to initiate small talk if he wants to as you called him and he is your boss.

I agree that in a non-work situation it's preferable to begin a conversation with, how are you but not necessarily in a working environment where time is so precious.

I don't actually like being asked how I am when I go into the bank etc. I'm not there to chat and I sometimes don't know how to reply. I'd rather have good manners and good service. Commenting on the weather would be more acceptable.

chocoluvva · 31/07/2013 11:13

oop - not your boss, sorry.

But really, don't waste your energy dwelling on this conversation.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2013 11:15

OP thought it meant the same - see her last para.

He didn't even say 'fine thanks'. I cannot hear 'fine, what did you want?' uttered in any tone, even the most genial, as polite. It's the lack of 'thanks' and the word 'want' that are the problem, not a distinction between do and did. It means 'too busy to talk to you, so get on with it', in any tone.

Rude.

PoppyAmex · 31/07/2013 11:17

"He wanted to discuss work not personal lives he probably thinks you are rude for asking when he'd made it clear he just wanted to discuss something more important ie the reason for your call"

I totally agree. This person gave you a clear sign that he wasn't comfortable/ready/available to do small talk and pleasantries and the fact you enquired further into his person life could also be construed as rude.

For all you know, his baby might have serious health issues or he might be going through a nasty divorce.

Good manners are also about respecting other people's boundaries and sometimes they're very different from ours.

PoppyAmex · 31/07/2013 11:18

person=personal

Justforlaughs · 31/07/2013 11:19

Haha, my DF can be ruder than that if I phone at an inconvenient time and he is busy! It really does sound as if his mind was on other things at that moment, if you go back to work and he is always like that then you might have cause to be offended. Sorry, but I think YABabitU, as your baby won't be a priority for anyone lse, not even someone who has had a baby at the same time.

Nancy66 · 31/07/2013 11:21

maybe you just set his teeth on edge by using 'good' instead of 'well'

Glitterspy · 31/07/2013 11:23

Not asking about your baby is absolutely forgivable, and actually if you're calling to plan your return to work the conversation should be focused on that, not the babies, anyway. I say that as someone currently planning the return to work after birth of DD 6 months ago.

The "Fine. What did you want?" is incredibly rude and dismissive. I'd presume the person was either super busy and stressed to the point where they forgot their everyday manners, or that you'd pissed them off by being annoying somehow and they were trying to keep their conversation with you as short as possible in order to try and avoid unberable small talk about babies. Have you talked about babies with this person before??

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