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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am cutting contact with MIL. I have told DH.

19 replies

ShadeofViolet · 31/07/2013 09:43

She is nothing but vile to me and my DS2 and I have had enough. This morning has been the final straw.

I have posted in the past about not taking DS to BIL wedding and being uninvited to the family holiday. Things had been smoothed over a little bit and we were talking again, albeit a bit frosty.

She rand yesterday to ask if DD could go with her to visit MIL's SD and her little boy. I said that Thursday was not a good day as DD was going to a friends and the arrangement had been in place for 2 weeks. DD was looking forward to it.

She just went off, called me a bitch and hung up on me. Then she has obviously phoned DH to tell him that I am refusing to let her see DD (her absolute favourite) and that she is going to call the police and SS on me Hmm.

I have told DH I am having nothing more to do with her. I will not speak to her or go to her house. I have said it is up to him what he does and I wont stop her seeing the grandchildren (as much as I would like to) but that she isn't welcome in my home.

DH then made some remark about it being his home too, which is true, but why would he want someone here who blatantly hates me?

OP posts:
RobotHamster · 31/07/2013 09:46

So she calls you up with less than 2 days notice and asks you over, you decline and she calls you a bitch?

She sounds like a right charmer.

petuniapickletits · 31/07/2013 09:47

Your DH needs to stand up for you..he doesn't seriously allow his mother to treat you and your son this way?

cocolepew · 31/07/2013 09:48

You've done the right thing. DH should be backing you up. I have a hateful MIL but the one thing i can count on is DH backs me every single time.

Bowlersarm · 31/07/2013 09:49

I normally expect to support the mil in these kind of threads, but I'm with you.

She sounds toxic, and you shouldn't be made to put up with Hr behaviour.Stand your ground, but try and get your DH on your side so you represent a united front. Surely he can see it from your point of view?

gamermum · 31/07/2013 09:49

Didn't want to read and run. I have MIL issues too and have cut all contact with her. DP and DS can have all the contact they want with her. My life is much calmer now Grin
DP still tries to talk me around ever so often but I calmly remind him of all the reasons for my decision and ask him how he would feel if my mother acted like this.
YANBU as far as I'm concerned .

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/07/2013 09:50

Tell your DH to grow a pair and support you. She sounds vile and I don't blame you for wanting nothing more to do with her.

All these MIL posts make me determined to be a nice one when the day comes ....

DuelingFanjo · 31/07/2013 09:50

Which part of your MIL calling you a bitch and threatening you with Social Services does your husband not understand?

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 31/07/2013 09:51

He does normally back me up in these arguments. I know its difficult for him because she is still his Mum and the only parent he has :(.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 31/07/2013 09:52

He thinks she is just overreacting, and that its just temper. But whenever she doesnt get her own way she is like this.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 31/07/2013 09:52

Tell Dh to support you or you will stop contact with him too!!!

Ruprekt · 31/07/2013 09:54

Cut her out.

I cut mine out 7 years ago and am so much happier albeit sad that we have such a bad relationship!

Why does she not like your ds?

My mil lives in Italy so dh takes boys out there twice a year. Win win! SmileSmileSmile

DuelingFanjo · 31/07/2013 09:54

offer him a compromise... tell him you will stay in contact with her as long as he talks to her about her 'over-reaction' and explains to her why it's not fair to call you a bitch and threaten you with Social services.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/07/2013 09:55

I shouldn't imagine ss would be interested in that as a cp issue.

Silly woman her not you.

sameoldIggi · 31/07/2013 09:56

Is your dh angry about what she said to you? Or just worrying about the cut-off? Maybe he is so used to her behaviour he thinks it's acceptable to speak to someone like that.
If he really insists she can come to his house, will let her - you will always be out. I feel he won't pursue this.
I don't think you are wrong at all to not see her, in these circumstances.

sonlypuppyfat · 31/07/2013 10:04

I had a terrible relationship with my MiL she was awful but she would have been awful to anyone who married her son. I'm an only child and I always felt they thought of me as being spoilt, nothing could be further from the truth. She always made our DCs feel second rate to her other grandkids. I felt nothing for her in the end. I went to her funeral and felt nothing like she was a stranger and I'd known her nearly 30 years. I hope I have a better relationship with my childrens partners

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 31/07/2013 10:04

DS just has the misfortune to have a penis :(

I am not going to have anything more to do with her. She brings so much drama into our lives but nothing positive.

If DH wants to invite her round I will make sure I am out.

OP posts:
Ruprekt · 31/07/2013 10:15

I would do the same Shades. Just be out and have some you time.

Coffee
Cinema
Shopping
Supermarket cafe SmileSmileSmile

EagleRiderDirk · 31/07/2013 10:41

shade I was about to say that if it were me I'd be responding 'fine, this is your home too but she is not to come in it when I am here and I will not go out of my way to be out for her.'

But I wouldn't be standing for that. I wouldn't be standing for there being a favourite either, but then maybe I am a bitch

pianodoodle · 31/07/2013 10:52

TBH I wouldn't want the children having contact either if she plays favourites with them, speaks to you like that and threatens....

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