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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to dp leaving his used underwear on the floor next to the bed?

58 replies

knickernicker · 31/07/2013 09:24

This has been a long running argument between us which really irritates me and mildly amuses him till he gets fed up with the nagging.

Every night dp removes his underpants, trousers and socks and leaves them concertina fashion on the floor by the bed. He flatly refuses to take them to the wash basket. Reasons he has given are that its his room and his clothes and that the wash basket is in another room (a room at n he same floor where he keeps his clothes).

His main and most revolting reason for this habit is that a lot of the time he wears his underpants and socks for 2 days running (even in a hot summer). Compounding this has been his no windows open rule during hay fever season.

As with other arguments we have, if I wear myself out with very persistent nagging and putting up with some very patronising and unkind responses, he will use the wash basket. If I let up and make no deal of it like I've done for a week till this morning he goes straight back to leaving underwear on the floor.

Can you please adjudicate? Thanks

OP posts:
RinseAndRepeat · 31/07/2013 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peanutbuttersarnies · 31/07/2013 13:20

It amazes me that this sort of thibg bothers people! I cant be bothered wasting energy worrying about stuff like this.

AlisonL1981 · 31/07/2013 13:27

My dp drops all of his clothes beside the bed too. I did used to pick them up when doing the washing, now (as I can't see the clothes being on the floor between the bed and the wall) I leave them there. He's getting fed up with running out of clothes as I haven't washed them!

ShabbyButNotChic · 31/07/2013 13:30

Partner used to do this, our wash basket is in the bathroom as we both shower at night so clothes go straight in. He would leave his on the floor! Next to the fucking basket!!! dont get me started on plates next to the dishwasher i used to pick them up then got sick of it and went on strike. Took 4 days of him dropping clothes and me gritting my teeth before he started picking them up. Just leave them and let him run out of pants.

Oh and the whole 'same pants 2 days' thing? I wouldbt be going anywhere near him. Im not a clean freak by any means but surely you know from a very young age to wear clean undies/socks etc!?

LazyFaire · 31/07/2013 13:33

Yep, my DP leaves his washing in a pile by the bed too. We don't have a basket but the allotted pile is on the other side of the room, if he leaves it by the bed, I assume he wants to wear it again (usually just jogging trousers he puts on after work, so worn for 4 hours or so).

I will gather them if they have been there more than 3 days or if I need to make up a full wash (Then he moans that I've washed something that didn't need it!). He knows he should move them himself but for all the time he spends in the bedroom (only to get dressed/sleep) he just doesn't notice them, whereas I am in and out all day so see them every time and have an inwards 'Huurrumph' to myself.

Mumsnut · 31/07/2013 13:35

Casting my mind back to 2005, the accepted Mumsnet solution was to sow some mustard and cress seeds in the offending garment, leave the pants right where they were, and wait. Generally, the dh in question moved the pants at the speed of light on spotting a green gusset, believing himself to be suffering from some species of man mould to be kept a deadly secret for ever after. Voila no more delinquent undies.

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 31/07/2013 13:37

My DP is also a bit like this. My most recent approach (as nagging doesn't work) has been to hold things up high and say "IS THIS CLEAN?" with every single thing I find (socks on the couch, always! damnit!). This has helped bring home the idea that actually, he DOES leave his stuff lying around. He's (slowly) getting better!

I found that if I just did it myself, he'd assume that he had cleared up and then forgotten about it. sigh.

And he is also bad for the '2 day pants' thing, although thankfully now he's cycling to work this has stopped. ick.

miaowmix · 31/07/2013 13:38

that would be a deal breaker for me, the fact that he wears underwear/socks for more than a day (minging), can't be bothered to walk to the bathroom (wtf?) and expects you to pick up his dirty stuff from the floor? All horrendous. What is wrong with some men that they are conditioned into thinking any of the above is acceptable, seriously? All revolting and sexist habits. Why can't he put a wash on?
My 6 year old knows better. She even knows to put whites/coloureds in different laundry baskets. It really is not hard.

runningonwillpower · 31/07/2013 13:47

Yesterday's pants and socks on the floor provide a lovely pillow for our old dog. (She's pretty manky.) In fact she gets so comfy, I don't like to pick them up lest it disturb her.

That's far from being a deal breaker for me. At worst, it's a wee bit irritating.

Viviennemary · 31/07/2013 13:52

Get a very small washbasket and put it either in your bedroom or just outside the door. I got a v small washbasket for the bathroom because I was sick of socks on the floor.

freddiefrog · 31/07/2013 13:53

My DH does the concertina pants/trousers/socks thing too and leaves them on the floor on his side of the bed.

And that is where they remain until he picks them up and puts them in the laundry basket.

I really don't care how high the pile gets, I refuse to pick up after him

justmyview · 31/07/2013 13:54

Nagging isn't the answer. It'll wind you both up. Leave his clothes where they are. Not your job to skivvy after him

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/07/2013 14:08

my name is eccles and I used to be a clean freak. I got irritated with ds's and Dh for not keeping stuff tidy and clean. I have recovered... I have learnt to grit my teeth and not notice or ignore the things that used to drive me mad. I have rules, if its not in the basket it doesn't get washed.if its laid around you get asked to move it, if its there too long I move it to a bin / back garden / pile on bedroom floor depending on my mood. if its inside out when it goes in the washer its inside out when it comes out. oh and keep your bedroom doors shut ds 1 and 2 so I don't have to see the mess. life is much calmer now and strangely enough they all do more spontaneus cleaning now I am not stressing Shock perhaps its cos I am giving them time to notice when things get messy rather than doing it all before they realise.

Flicktheswitch · 31/07/2013 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScrambledSmegs · 31/07/2013 14:22

My DH leaves his clothes on the landing where we all get to admire their fetid aroma until he picks them up/wash them. DD1 (3yo) regularly tells him off about it. He thinks she has OCD Confused

He's started moaning recently that I no longer do his washing midweek (SAHM) and he has to catch up at weekends. Being an intelligent man, you'd think he'd notice the correlation between him leaving his dirty clothes anywhere but in the washbasket, and him not having any clean washing. Nope Hmm

I refuse to tell him more than once that he needs to dirty laundry in the washbasket. He's not a child, and I'm not his mother.

MissBeehiving · 31/07/2013 14:28

2 day old pants and socks - yuck!

SoWhatSoWhatSoWhat · 31/07/2013 14:37

My DH is had a very 'traditional' upbringing, and even though he's come a long way, he still does/does not do a lot of the traditional man stuff. All discarded clothes go on the floor by his side of the bed, although the laundry basket is a few feet away in the same room. Does not hang up bathmat or wet towels. No cleaning whatsoever, unless I am ill and at death's door. He simply will not do it. I've tried "Look, I'm not your servant" and every kind of reasoning.

Fortunately, he loves to cook. He has taken over all the cooking, washing up and food shopping. So I am happy to scrub the bog etc.

The only thing I would really like to cure him of is coming in from work (he is on his feet all day), removing his crispy socks in the living room and leaving them to fester under the coffee table until I pick them up.

UtterflyButterfly · 31/07/2013 14:42

DH leaves his pants and socks by the bed for fallenninja's reason - in case there's a 'crisis' in the middle of the night and he has to rush out of the bedroom, he can jump straight into his pants!

God knows what he imagines is going to happen that is serious enough to require him to rush from his bed in the middle of the night, but still give him time to put on his pants. Perhaps he thinks confronting a burglar in his boxers will give him more gravitas?

Anyway, he picks them up and puts them in the washbasket in the morning, so it doesn't bother me, other than thinking it's a bit weird.

sonlypuppyfat · 31/07/2013 14:44

I'm having this with the DCs its so annoying but in the end you are falling out with the fact you are upset by it and he doesn't give a shit. I didn't speak to my DH once because he didn't put his cereal bowl into the sink after using it and it was really hard for me to wash up. pathetic I know but its because they don't think your concerns are important

BowlFullofJelly · 31/07/2013 14:49

Where is everyone's laundry basket, if not in the bedroom or bathroom Confused?

MaxPepsi · 31/07/2013 14:56

I have an issue with mucky clothes lying on the floor where DH leaves them simply because I have an issue full stop with mucky clothes.

I can't stand touching dirty things with my bare hands. DH has a manual job and therefore his clothing is generally a lot stinkier and mankier when he's been working.

I have been known before now to put on rubber gloves before sorting the washing pile out as I've got myself worked up about it.

DH however would NEVER wear undies and socks 2 days in a row and usually moves his mucky clothes before I go into a meltdown.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 31/07/2013 15:01

DH has a small collection of socks, pants and t-shirts at the end of our bed at the moment. I'm about to go upstairs and kick round to his side. nearly 8M pregnant, so bending down for essential things is hard enough. I do not count tidying up after a grown man as essential.

If he manages to get things into the washing machine, or a dirties basket, I'll wash them. If not he runs out of things and has to go hunt stuff down and wash it. TBF though, he does do some of the laundry, and will happily wash mine and DDs things too if he's putting a wash on.

If he's making the room smell by leaving stinky clothes lying about, I'd be opening the windows regardless of his "rule". If he can't be considerate of the comfort of other people, he doesn't get to demand it for himself.

Think I've just given myself a stitch from laughing at Mumsnut's post! Grin

NoComet · 31/07/2013 15:16

Underpants by the side of the bed I can cope with, it's socks randomly scattered all over the house that drive me to distraction. Especially as I have three warm footed sock scatters.

(My feet are always cold, my socks stay on until they meat the laundry heap last thing at night).

TantrumsAndBalloons · 31/07/2013 15:18

ooh DH leaves his pants by the side of the bed in case there is an emergency. I dont know what emergency would require him to be wearing pants AFAIK he is not superman.

He does put them in the basket in the morning though. And if he was wearing the same pants and socks 2 days in a row, he would be sleeping elsewhere

Trills · 31/07/2013 15:18

YABU to think that leaving underwear near the bed is a bigger issue than wearing it for 2 days in a row.