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AIBU?

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Original poster

I think this holiday may be a mistake (sorry long)

31 replies

Mrschocolate · 30/07/2013 20:30

My DB has been talking about a big family holiday since we all started having DCs. This year we decided to give it a go meaning that Me + DH and my 4 DCs, DB + SIL and their 3 DCs and Dsis and her 2 DCs would all stay at the same caravan park in caravans close to each other.
We arranged lots of time together as well as sorting out time so that each set of parents get a day away from the DCs.
DBs family and my family will spend 2 weeks here but Dsis could only get 1 week off work so she arrived yesterday and will spend the week. So far so good.

However fast forward to now and SIL is driving me mad. We were not very close but we see each other at least once a month and we always chat and I saw her as a friend. But I have seen a new side to her this week.

On the first morning there DB called round with the DNs and asked if I would take them for the morning so they could finish unpacking. I said okay. But when I took them back at lunch time SIL answered and said I shouldn't have bothered bring them back because she hadn't gotten any unpacking done. (We had been gone 3 hours) I said that I was sorry but I didn't know. Then I just let it drop because I just thought she was stressed unpacking and it didn't matter.

The next day we were having a BBQ DB and DH were cooking so I took the older DCs for a walk while we waited and SIL stayed behind with my youngest 2. Whilst out we saw an ice cream van and the DCs asked for ice cream. I said no because the BBQ was nearly ready plus we already had cake in for afterwards. Eldest DN had a tantrum but he got over it and we walked back. I told SIL what happened she said I should of just bought him the ice cream and I needed to get a grip. I just repeated my reasons for not buying one and she said 'for god sake just forget it' so I just dropped it and went to do something else.

On Thursday it was DB and SILs turn to have all the DCs but after an hour SIL text me and said that DB had to go to the supermarket so she couldn't have my youngest 2 anymore. I said fine and picked them up. DH went to pick up the DCs later on and said that DS ran up to him and he was really clingy and upset which isn't really like him but DH didn't think much of it because he could of been overtired.
DD however said that the reason he was upset was because they had been playing school and SIL was the teacher. SIL kept asking them all maths questions which were too hard for DS who has ADHD so he started to get upset and SIL told him that if he couldn't answer the questions then he couldn't go back to school in September. This was something DS then told us about later on when he had calmed down a bit.

Last night SIL knocked on the door once the DCs had gone to bed. I let her in and we chatted. She asked what I had been doing before she came around and I said I was just on the internet. She then gave me a 15 minute lecture on the 'evils' of the internet and it would take over my life and she never went on the internet because it was a waste of a life.

All weekend she was going on and on about Dsis saying that she didn't think she deserved a day without the DCs because she is only coming for a week. I just kept repeating that it is Dsis holiday too and it's not her fault that she couldn't get 2 weeks off.
Yesterday when Dsis arrived we were all outside and SIL said that Dsis shouldn't have bothered coming because her DCs were too excited.
DB later apologised to Dsis for what SIL had said but it was still a bit uncalled for.

So WWYD because I am worried that if I spend any longer with SIL I will flip which I don't want to do because it could cause a family fall out but I find myself getting really wound up by her.
I can't tell if it is just pregnancy hormones that are making me grumpier than usual or if SIL is being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrschocolate · 30/07/2013 20:43

Oh dear that is more like one long rant. Sorry

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 30/07/2013 20:48

Spend less time with her and your db on this holiday for start!

LindyHemming · 30/07/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoleSource · 30/07/2013 20:51

I would have bought the children an ice cream I agree with her about that.

Don't go on holiday with her again.

parakeet · 30/07/2013 20:51

She sounds VU (especially about being mean to your son). We have gone on holiday with various families before and we also try to not plan too much, take each day as it comes, and spend time apart on some of the days.

I suggest you rethink some of your plans and schedule in some private family time.

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 30/07/2013 20:51

If you've got a week left and your DSis is there can't you do things together and leave your DB and SIL to get on with it?

Iamsparklyknickers · 30/07/2013 20:51

Ouch, she does sound like hard work - can you make the best of it and ignore her (which is what she should have done with the ice-cream - it's not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!) and take note never to get involved in anything longer than a few hours with her again? Personally I think I'd confront the maths thing with a comment about not playing 'school games' in the summer holidays - light hearted and in the context of the encouraging the kids to play something else.

Is your sister there now? At least you've someone to vent to.

digerd · 30/07/2013 20:54

YANBU SIL is being overbearing, bossy , using you and treating you like a doormat but YABU to keep allowing her to do so. DB apologised to your sis as she cried but as you have not complained he thinks you are OK with how she treats you. You are pregnant and all the more reason she should not treat you this way. She sounds nasty.

Hope sombody comes along who can advise you how to deal with her. Or you tell DB how she makes you feel and how she treats you like dirt?
Can your DH not do anything in a curt manner to her?

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 30/07/2013 20:58

Live and learn....

I would try and ride it out. Do as much as you can on your own and try and ignore her silly comments. Try not to do any childcare for her or let her do any for you.

I hope it doesn't ruin your holiday.

TheRealFellatio · 30/07/2013 20:58

Oh dear. And this is why I refuse to go away with anyone, ever, no matter how much I love them, for more than three or four days. Especially when young children are involved.

Different people have different ideas about what is acceptable/desirable on holiday, and it will almost always come to a head over the children. Try to keep your cool, don't rise to the bait, turn it into a game where you laugh it off and count to 20. Grin and arrange to distance yourself and spend more time going out for the day alone with just your DH and DCs. If you can avoid a big row then do - it will take months or years to recover the relationship with DB and SIL otherwise, and it's just not worth it.

And say no in future. Grin

ArtexMonkey · 30/07/2013 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty · 30/07/2013 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whocansay · 30/07/2013 21:11

Sounds like SIL and DB thought they'd get some free childcare by inviting you to go away with them. Tomorrow, go somewhere with DSIS and family.

Find things to do that DB and family would either hate, or simply get up too early for them to join you. And never go away with them again!

Oh, and I wouldn't have bought them ice cream either.

hamab · 30/07/2013 21:14

I'd just do your own thing now, no looking after anybody else's dc, just say, we're off to the beach now. Smile and grin. Then never ever go on holiday with them again.

Holidays with friends and family don't work unless all there are givers by nature.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 30/07/2013 21:18

How long does it take to unpack in a caravan anyway? I can do it in 5 minutes.

I agree with everybody else - no more child-swapping, it seems they were getting the better end of that deal anyway. And never go on holiday with them again.

Icelollycraving · 30/07/2013 21:19

The school teacher thing sounds thoroughly fucked up,I would call her on that. If it creates a rift,so be it.

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 30/07/2013 21:28

You are all right when you say I need to create distance but at the same time the DCs love playing together and look forward to seeing each other.
Good idea about just going out with Dsis.

Also I didn't get the ice creams because we already had food there. Plus we have had ice cream loads of times during the week so it's not like it was a one time chance.

OP posts:
financialwizard · 30/07/2013 21:29

I'd be kicking off, but I am a stroppy mare at the best of times.

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/07/2013 21:45

Did you speak to her about the playing teacher thing? That sounds really fucked up.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 30/07/2013 21:47

This is why we don't go on holiday with my DB and SIL. anything over a day together and the fact that basically, we don't have much in common, starts to become obvious.

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 30/07/2013 22:18

No I haven't spoken to her about the teacher thing.

OP posts:
Squitten · 30/07/2013 22:23

I've been on short breaks with my DH's DB and SIL and it's been disasterous both times. After the last time we agreed never again. We get on fine on visits but it just doesn't work in close quarters over a longer time.

If you don't want to call her on it then get through it with as minimal contact as possible and then never do it again!

Snoopytwist · 30/07/2013 22:26

Do you think by telling her about the ice cream incident, she thought you were having a dig at her DS? You maybe didn't need to report back. Perhaps that put her on the defensive... I'm not sticking up for her, but trying to understand what might have sparked her behaviour... But I agree with the others - the kids can all play when you are all together, but don't do the babysitting thing anymore - if she asks why, tell her that your DCs didn't really like the school thing... that was just cruel, I think.

formicadinosaur · 30/07/2013 22:27

Have a few days out with just you DH and your kids. Leave early and text when out saying 'kids woke us up stupidly early so thought we would crack on with the day. At some beach near xxx now' I would also offer DSis a break but just take her kids. I would also tell SIL that you DS was upset and why.

Original poster
Mrschocolate · 30/07/2013 22:37

It's possible Snoopytwist
I do want to tell her that the school thing upset DS but our caravans are so close together that if it all kicks off we probably will bump into each other.

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