Does a 'save the date' for the whole day mean you should be invited to the whole the wedding day?

[TallulahBetty]

A year ago, we (me, DH and DD) received a 'save the date' for a wedding this September. It specifies for the whole day. Today, we received a wedding invite for all 3 of us, but only for the evening. Is this normal practice? I'm a bit miffed to be honest, but if this is normal I'm happy to very told I'm BU.

(Background - this is a girl I lived with at uni, and her boyfriend from uni. They came to our wedding 3 years ago - the whole day. I know that doesn't mean we SHOULD have a whole day invite, but we did save the whole day as she said we should. The evening do starts when DD goes to bed, so she can't go. And we live 3 hours away, so it would mean a 6-hour round trip for a few hours in the evening. We don't really want to stay over just felt an evening do. Other people we lived with have been invited all day.)

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Or is this normal and 'save the date' specifying the whole day doesn't always mean that?!

[expatinscotland]

How did the note explaining why they want money read? Tell us more! :0

[TallulahBetty]

greenkit if I was genuinely confused about what i was invited too of course i would ring and ask. But in this case, it's clear we're not invited in the day. I don't want an awkward phone convo to confirm what i already know

[expatinscotland]

Snap! Ah, a poem. We don't want anything but we really do so we are using one of these wanky poems to tout for money as we don't even have the balls to be direct about it (but we do have the front to invite you to an evening do a million miles away).

[makingdoo]

I knew it!!!

You must tell us the poem now, it will make you feel better! Also we will come up with something suitable for you to write in the card

[TallulahBetty]

The note and poem say that they are going on honeymoon next year and would like money towards this/for spending. I don't actually have a problem with this at all, just the poem was a little, erm, " " shall we say.

[OwlinaTree]

Surely save the date is for the guests you couldn't have the wedding without as such, close family, close friends, bridesmaids etc. Letting them know asap when the date will be so you know they can definitely be there.

We sent an email to all the relevant people so they wouldn't book a holiday if they wanted to come (July wedding). Rest of friends was more word of mouth and fingers crossed tbh.

Maybe people now think they have to send these save the date cards out?

I would definitely assume I was invited to the whole wedding if I received one tho, unless the save the date specified evening reception.

[expatinscotland]

Oh, FFS, pay for our future holiday.

[specialsubject]

I've got a save the date for the evening do. I'm not offended - should I be?

will decide whether to go when more details arrive on venue as I don't actually know where it will be.

[FruOla]

Sorry, I'm not keeping up with this quickly enough, but .....

.... quite, farrowandbawl . Although I suspect Gluezilla will not reply to the OP - maybe it's finally got through to her how crass she's been?

To answer the general question, I think people use STD cards in order that invited () guests who may be traveling some distance and need to arrange accommodation, flights, childcare, days off work - or whatever - have the time to do so.

[KatAndKit]

It is rude in my opinion. If you have received a sqve the date the purpose of that is to enable you to make arrangements to attend their wedding such as booking a hotel, taking time off work, sorting childcare etc.
i wouldn't travel more than one hour for an evening only invitation.

[ARealDame]

All this touting for money too, poems or no poems. I mean, isn't that just terribly bad taste, or is that normal now? If you can't afford to put on a wedding do, then don't! Not every bride is Princess Diana! Personally, I find the whole money-touting cringeworthy and would make a point of turning up at the wedding, eating and drinking buckets, having a high old time (lordy, lordy!), and give not a farthing, just in joyful protest.

[TallulahBetty]

specialsubject I'm not offended to only be at the evening do. I am a leetle miffed to only be at the evening do when I was asked to save he whole day. But ah well.

[makingdoo]

Rude! I have no problem with giving couples cash as a wedding gift but hate the grabby poems. We actually had one a few years back that simply said -

'No Trash, Just Cash'

[TallulahBetty]

No Trash, Just Cash ?!

That is BRILLIANT.

[FruOla]

'No Trash, Just Cash'

Wow - how unbelievably rude

[FruOla]

Actually, thinking about it, I think I'd go out and buy the most appalling piece of cheap plastic tat for them!

[makingdoo]

The whole invitation was a 'jokey' one with a peom about them meeting behind the bike shed. It was really bizarre and about 10 years ago so I was a bit naive.

If I got the same invitation now I think I'd respond differently!

I think save the dates are fine if you plan on inviting the person to the whole wedding. Otherwise it's a no no

[SueDoku]

I see a definite opening here - who wants to start up a business selling 'Save the Evening' (STE) cards....

I'm happy to accept 10%........

[FriskyHenderson]

We got a STD, and a phone call from MOG begging us to do so. Then the invite was not for our DC, so we had a another begging phone call asking why we couldn't get someone to look after DC all day, give them lunch and dinner and get them all to bed. Because we don't have that sort of childcare available free, and can't afford to pay even if we could find someone - because the actual invitation only came 6 weeks before the wedding. Apparently that wasn't good enough, because we'd had an STD card for a year....

[Blondeshavemorefun]

i still snigger at STD and weddings imature blondes here

the fact the std card had the church time etc means to me you were invited for whole day and now she has changed her mind

travelling 6hrs for what will prob be a 5hr party seems insane

and def dont send a gift - if i cant make a wedding/party i dont send gifts - or does that make me stingy

[meganorks]

Sounds like she planned to invite you to the whole thing but has had to cut you. STD don't usually specify whole day or evening but think you are only supposed to use for day guests. Yanbu to be miffed. Might be smaller numbers. Or might be some family politics - ie can't invite them without inviting so and so. Guess that is the danger with save the dates - have to be certain you only send to people definitely invited to all.

[clam]

So, they're wanting people to send money for them to piss up the wall use on holiday?
Stuff that - I'd want it to go on something specific for their life together, not a hangover.

[whois]

Save the date cards are fine, however they should only be sent to people who are invited for the whole thing. Defo not on for just an evening invitation or no invitation at all. That is just strange.

Being invited to just the evening, and not being able to go = no gift.

You don't invite people who live 'out of town' to just the evening do. Rude.

[Treagues]

There is no way on this earth I would send a cheque.
I've never given money (or vouchers) when people have asked for them. It's absurdly rude.
Spending money for the honeymoon? Fuck off.

[Ginocchio]

Why do people send "save the date" cards, anyway?

Surely, if you're inviting them to your wedding, then they fit into one of three categories:

1. Family - who either you or your parents will probably have spoken to at length about the wedding, and so will be well aware of the date.
   

1. Close friends - again, see above. You've probably bored them senseless with the progress of your arrangements and how unreasonable everyone's being. For them, the date is etched on their skull. Probably by you.
   

1. Distant friends / work colleagues. It's not going to make or break your day if they don't come. Invite them to the evening do. If they can make it, great. If they can't, catch up with them another day. You probably wouldn't have noticed that they were there anyway...