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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

social tip- what is reasonable?

14 replies

outofthebox · 29/07/2013 20:22

Hi-

Not being British, I need to know- is it REALLY so unreasonable to ask someone for a playdate the day before or week of a playdate?

What about being spontaneous and relaxing because you don't HAVE to be somewhere- unless an attractive opportunity should just Pop Up??

So if someone you know only so so through another friend, asks you for a playdate only 4 days in advance (along with another few people you don't know), are you expected to say no?

I was just told that people really plan their diary in advance and can't deal with last minute plans???

Please Advise....

Thanks

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 29/07/2013 20:23

Personally? I have never organised a 'play date' eons in advance - it was usually a spur of the moment thing at the school gate.

I cannot abide the phrase 'play date' it is beyond irritating.

Littlefish · 29/07/2013 20:24

Blimey, I texted a friend of dd's this morning to try and arrange to get the girls together this afternoon. I do a mixture of things - some meet-ups are arranged weeks in advance, and some are at much shorter notice.

parakeet · 29/07/2013 20:25

Of course it's fine to ask - with four days' notice I may or may not be busy but I'd be pleased to be asked. The person who told you that sounds rude - and is making sweeping generalisations.

RandomMess · 29/07/2013 20:25

Some people are very busy and booked up, other people not.

No harm in asking just don't be offended if people aren't free.

zookeeper · 29/07/2013 20:28

What happened to coming around for a play? IF the child lives a lift away then ime it is best organised in advance

TeWiSavesTheDay · 29/07/2013 20:29

I message a bunch of people last night and today and arranged four play dates, 2 this week and 2 next.

We also went to the park today, and met children we knew by coincidence, and stayed longer than planned to play. Later when we were at home our neighbour knocked to see if kids wanted to play outside.

So my experience is mostly spontaneous, and I think whoever you spoke to was kind of rude! Plenty of people are happy to make plans a few days in advance, or on the day.

Xihha · 29/07/2013 20:29

I will occasionally organise something the day before if i know the child im inviting's parents are busy/work/have other kids to arrange stuff round but generally things are last minute with me

BadRoly · 29/07/2013 20:30

I'm happiest with the spontaneous/short notice things as I forget who needs to be where when if its all done weeks ahead!

wigglesrock · 29/07/2013 20:33

A mum rang me at 11.30, last Friday I had dd dropped round to her in the space of 30 minutes . Any playing at friends houses is usually arranged within 24 hours to 30 mins in our house!

Original poster

outofthebox · 29/07/2013 21:05

Wow that makes me feel a lot better....

What about what is expected when you ask someone for a playdate... ie if you say, "we should arrange a playdate sometime!" is that person then expected to arrange something specific within a certain amount of time?

I know a mom of 3 children whose son is friends with mine but she has never taken any initiative and it makes me feel like she is really not interested.... Also this woman has had playdates with a bunch of other women I know just from toddler classes and she has never sought to invite me. In this case, should I just give up?

Thanks so much

OP posts:

Original poster

outofthebox · 29/07/2013 21:06

Wow that makes me feel a lot better....

Thanks so much

OP posts:

BadRoly · 29/07/2013 21:38

If the one with 3dc has older dc than you (and more) it may be that she has a lot of different social things to do (eg swimming lessons, Scouting, football club etc) so is vague. Or it might be that she is worried that you don't really want her other dc on a play date.

I have 4dc and do find I'm a bit vague because I have to try and remember who is doing what, where and when! I also felt awkward inviting dc4's friends round (I rarely have in fact) because I am conscious that my home was (is?) not set up for young dc, eg Lego is left out. I probably wouldn't accept an invitation to another's house unless I knew it included all the dc (if needed)

I would give it one more go with a specific suggestion. Maybe somewhere that is suitable for all her dc? A park, beach or soft play? And give a day and time. So suggest Thursday morning, 10ish at such and such a place.

countrymummy13 · 29/07/2013 21:44

Anyone who 'cannot deal with last minute plans' needs therapy.

Having a busy diary is one thing, but stressing over same-week invites is a bit odd.

I'd say leave her to her diary planning and concentrate on people who appreciate the gesture, even if they're busy.

LimitedEditionLady · 29/07/2013 22:13

I cant wait for someone to just ask us on a playdate...we dont know anyone with children nearby.My child only really gets to play with kids regularly at nursery or if they find a new "friend" in the park to play while theyre there.So i would be pleased with four days notice!

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