Is it the law to put our DC first ALL the bloody time?

[NaturalBlondeYeahRight]

Was going to type out whole scenario but frankly it's boring. Why though is it so hard to organise a picnic without constant texts saying 'DC can't do this' or 'DC doesn't get on with that DC' or 'can we go here because DC likes it more'.
All I want is a sandwich and a catch up with friends.

Can they not just suck it up for a couple of sodding hours, it won't kill them.

Really trying hard not to throw toys out of pram and send stroppy text cancelling it all. AIBU?

How old are the dc?

Sounds a PITA tbf!!!

Ranging from 6/7 to 13 ish. These are reasonable women normally but chuck kids into the equation and bang! I try to be flexible but it feels like its always me letting it go.

Maybe it's just my friends?

cancel it and dont talk to these silly parents again jeezus sounds a nightmare, some parents put far to much responsibility andchoice on their kids, whats wrong with we are going on a picnic you will play and you will enjoy it oh and If i hear a winge i will drag you home like i used to do with mine

I've never experienced this, most people just say yes or no. You didn't consult on loads of options did you?

Yes I think it's your friends, NB. Sorry.

It's a good job not all my friends are as silly as this!

dont change any plans if they turn up they turn up if not there loss dont put up with it,

With that sort of age range you can't suit everyone some it is like or lump for the dc!

Yanbu.

I agree like it or lump it

Yep, Yanbu, it's just those friends

YANBU

Putting kids first doesn't mean the same as pandering to their every whim.

if it didn't suit me or dcs then I would say no but not try to change it all.

mind you bit of an age range there op.

Try ' I'm going to be at x at x time. Join me if you can'

I have just one friend like that. Even made her DD a packed lunch to bring to our picnic because her PFB wouldn't want to eat our (mostly kid-friendly) food. Quelle surprise DD is a spoilt brat.

Agree with the others. I'll be at x place at x time. If your friends don't want a life find some new ones

YABU, you should put your DCs first all the time - however, putting them first also includes teaching them the realities of life. One of them being that "you can't always choose where you go or who you go with" and another one being "get on with it, like it or lump it". If they don't learn those now then they are in for a few shocks later in life.

It's not you, it's your friends. Can you reply saying 'good idea - next time we can do x, y or z' and leave your original arrangements as they stand? Unless you are trying to get everyone to do mud wrestling, insect tasting or bum licking in which case they may have a point...

Putting children first all the time is a relatively recent thing, when we were kids we fitted in to what adults wanted to do. Generally if we vidited a relative we'd be expected to play quietly upstairs or outside away from the adults whilst they talked.

I don't think it does children any harm to be reminded that the eorld doesn't revolve around them once on a while.

YANBU
I really miss a DF who I haven't dared ring, near the holidays, because if I don't want to do a joint family thing.

I want a nice grown up coffee and a chat. I don't want to throw together her teen and my teen who just can't find anything to do that interests them both, so it's really stressful.

The younger two rub along better, but DD2 thinks big sister is bossy and it all gets awkward.

I just wish I could just say this to her, but she's sweet and neurotic and would be offended.

She doesn't need to be her older DD is lovely, it's just she's an ordinary peer pressure worrying about conventional teen and DD1, is my lovely quirky slightly socially inept big girl.

Yes the older DD does cluck and mother hen DD2 and little sister a bit, but my DD2 is far far bossier sometimes and could be a lot more tolerant

My DS is one of those children who refuels rather than eats, so anything where the food is the main attraction would leave him twitchy. He'd rather play football or explore.
My DD spent years being terrified of dogs. So parks, woodland walks and beaches potside on 'non-dog' season were a nightmare. (She'd rather not share oxygen with a dog now, but she doesn't run into the road like she used to)

So, I wouldn't make demands but I wouldn't inflict my DC onto a gathering if it was a dog infested park picnic (for eveyones sake)

potside = outside

It just doesn't sound as if it's worth the effort trying to organise a group of people. If it was me, I'd just go with one friend and their family. I wouldn't be overfond of a picnic such as this involving a few people but there's no excuse for messing you about.

I'd not be able to survive friends like that! My lot tend to say 'right dump the kids on fp/df/dp's we're going in town for the afternoon' or 'I'm coming to you this afternoon/tomorrow/whenever and I'm bringing the brats be ready for us' although if we bring dc we tend to feed them before visiting just to save pussing about.

what compos hat said you just did what was asked of you there was no consulatation you just went along with whatever was happening