Right. I have had to listen to a tirade of emotional abuse and foulness from my mother again twice today so I want to know am I being unreasonable to have hung the phone up on her!?
We got into another row about certain aspects of my elderly grandmother's care. Basically a few family members are responsible for different aspects/days of care atm. My DM to give her her dues probably does the majority of practical care such as shopping/washing etc - although others do pitch in with this and medication etc is largely someone elses responsibility and administering it is shared. She is in her 50s now with no children at home/no other commitments and works pt whereas the most of us work ft and some have young children etc, yet she still complains constantly when she has to do over and above her usual level of care.
The truth is that the care is not always seamless or imo as good as it should be eg something may come up in work one day and someone may not be able to make their medicine dose and have to rearrange with another family member etc. I have repeatedly voiced concerns regarding this to my DM and she is completely incapable of taking any of it on board. I do realise that this is largely to do with the fact that she is very sad and emotional regarding the downward slide in my DGM s mental and physical health so I don't want to be too hard on her in that respect but I just don't feel the current sutuation is sustainable for much longer.
Although I have offered to help arrange some professional care, DM would be better placed to broach the subject of professional care to her siblings (some of which do not live here), however she continues to put her head in the sand and her solution is that she "will just do everything seeing as no one cares except her". She also bitches constantly about the other people involved in the care which really pisses me off given a) it is genuinely not their fault the care is not seamless - they are doing the best they can given their difficult and busy personal and work situations and b) because they are my family too and it makes things very awkward at times! 
DM is stubborn and tends to expect blind loyalty from her children. She unfortunately doesn't take too kindly to the fact we sometimes do not share her opinions. Today having had enough (and being that i was actually at work at the time) I told her to stop bitching about the latest fuck up in care as it was no ones fault (it genuinely wasn't). Because I wouldn't join her rant I 'don't care' - 'no one cares' - about DGM welfare (except her of course!). I had the audacity to point out that if professionals were employed to do the bulk of practical elements it would allow us all to give DGM more of what she does need emotionally to enrich her life eg outings/cup of tea and a chat regularly (which I really enjoy and I know she would benefit from as she tells me she is bored/lonely). Response to that was that I am attacking DM, am hurtful and awful and that she does talk to HER mother and that I could go to hell - WE CAN ALL GO TO HELL CUZ NO ONE CARES BUT ME!! (screamed repeatedly at me down phone). So I didnt say anything- gave it 5mins then hung up 
I would usually have called back by now but I am still cross so don't think it'll do much good tbh
I have always had a tumultuous relationship with DM - we are similar in a lot of ways but I am very aware of my faults and realise I can be unreasonable etc and usually can nip it in the bud (OH may or may not agree 
). DM has not had an easy life. She seems never to acknowledge the fact that she has any faults and tends to find someone else to blame for everything. To be fair she can be awesome and is a great and supportive mum the majority of the time - it is just these massive moments of unreason that cloud our relationship, usually end in a massive row and unfortunately feature more prominently since the death of DF some years ago.
So with that in mind did I do the right thing? Because I am sat here feeling very guilty right now