to think its impossible to..

[petuniapickletits]

work full time, be a parent and have a social life?

I work 11hr days, mon-fri. My dd is under2 and find my evenings are taken up with cramming in studying/trying tomaintain a rrelationship with dh and be a good mum. Id like to see my friends but physically can't find the time. I nip to bed early most nights and we spend weekend's as a family/visiting family and I try to get to atleast one exercise class. Trying to find time to actually physically see the few friends I have seems impossible. ....how do you do it????

Seriously??? You work 11 hour days, have a 1yo and are trying to study, and you ask me how I find time to socialise? I work part-time, and don't study (I do however have too many kids ) and my social life exists almost exclusively on the internet! Normally in the middle of the night when I can't sleep! If you manage to find a way to juggle that lot, let me know how!

Well I don't think most people work 11 hour days! That's a hideous working day!

Most people work about 8 hours....I am surprised you even have the time to see your children and DH! I mean..aren't they asleep?

I didn't. It gave me a breakdown. I was trying to do 12hr days including nearly 4hrs travel, getting two children to the childminder (on foot), cooking meals, keeping house, being one of only a single digit number of people in the country doing my job at that time to a national policy level...

It broke me. Sorry, but it did.

yerp out of the house 7:30am-6:30pm Monday-Friday, am home studying a diploma. My dd comes to work with me for which im extremely fortunate, however our 1:1time is extremely limited so try and spend the hr before bedtime together. Let alone trying to find time to share a meal with dh and jeez...trying to find the energy to dtd is a whole other thread! lol I've been trying to find time to go to dinner with my close friend for weeks now and I literally cannot find a few hours! it is rediculous lol

time to find a new job??

Sparkle there are days I feel like its wearing me down too much.

I only work part time and I struggle.

Perhaps you could meet friends once a month, but in order to do this it will mean not spending time with DH and DC.

It's all a massive juggling act.

That's a horrendously long working day. Do you have any scope for reducing that?

it would be much easier if it was a group of friends. ..but I have around four girlfriends and none know each other iyswim!

I ended up being signed off work for four months with stress. I then applied for a career break (3.5 yrs) which was granted and it took probably six more months for me to recover properly. I've finally sent in my resignation three months ago. But in my heart of hearts I knew from the time I screwed up the courage to walk into the doctor's consulting room that I wasn't going back. I'd like to earn that sort of money again sure, but I couldn't give up the peace and serenity I have in my life now for that kind of price, it's too high.

Nope..not unless I magically find a job with less hours more money and no childcare fees lol...im not really complaining about my working day. . I am extremely lucky and grateful for my job...just not actually sure how the frick Im supposed to have a life lol

prebaby id have gone straight from work to dinner or the gym..now I race home to get dd to bed etc!

..I was never happier than when I was a SAHM but alas..all good things. .

Is the job going to be like that long term? Or are you studying as a means of getting out of it?

It would be nice to have a job that starts at 12pm, finishes at 1pm and has an hour lunch break in between .

It can be done, but it's hard to do TBH. I used to work 12hr shifts (normally 8am-8pm) in care homes, get back from work, look after my friends wee lad, sort him out and get him to bed, get showered and changed and wait until she got back at 10pm and head out for a couple of drinks around 10.30pm on a Thursday night to see the live band in one of the local pubs.

Then I got a motorbike and had to give up the nights out in order to be able to pay the loan back. TBH, I ended up taking on more hours and was working for 14-15hrs a day, 7 days a week. Not a problem as I liked working and riding my motorbike more than sitting in the pub drinking.

The studying is short term, and presumably worth it so I'd say you're in suck it up territory for now, if you can.
You don't a really work an 11 hour day I think - that includes your commute?
You have to make choices - how about you stop the exercise class, but jog to your friend's house for a social evening?
Your husband can do his share.
It's hard, but it's down to priorities! You have leisure time in what you've described.

no I really do. I leave the house at 6:45..get to work at 7:30, finish at 6-6:30 and have the 45 minute trip home.

I won't give up my studies as they are important to my progression.

So basically the concensus is, it is in fact impossible lol. Yes I get to a 1hr exercise class at 7:30am most Saturdays. So I do get some child/work free time..I just wasn't sure if I was missing a trick somewhere, since I struggle to see my friends.

You prioritise - dd, you, dh. Talk to your friends by text, on fb or whatever, but socialising one on one comes a long way down the list of things to do tbh.

I work p/t mon - thurs and am struggling with 2 dc under 5. My health has taken a hit, the only me time I have is my commute and lunch break. My son has additional needs so I have to take him to various appointments plus do all the household stuff. I would love to do a PG course but simply do not have the mental capacity to do it.

I keep in touch reguarly, just struggle to actually seeee them which is a bit rubbish!

Do you get a lunch hour?
Any chance of fitting in a quick lunch with friend then? Or a 40 min run and shower, to free time up elsewhere?

tbf, I work an 8 hr day, and commute for about an hr, so out of the house for 9-10h (depending on how much O/T I end up doing).

I have 2 small kids, and a DH who does lots of stuff in the house. Socialising comes quite a long way down the list!

Things that have worked are:

picking up kids, and going to a friend (with kids) house for a catchup, and tea. Kids into PJ's and teeth brushed at friends house, and into car to go to bed. Takes some organising tho, as I always take pudding with me (she can't visit me)

Single friend picks up take away on her home from work, and calls in after kids have gone to bed - we chat over dinner, and then she goes home.

I've also nearly complicated couch to 5k - its a hour max from work clothes to PJ's.

BUT, I don't have the study or the extended days! Hats of to you for fitting in the amount you do!

^ thats alot next! well done.

No, lunch hour is not like that for me (as mentioned before dd comes with)

I need a weekly planner and some kind of organisation lol

Its less than you do! Several hours less out of the house a day, and no studding in the evenings would mean 4-5 hours a day to fit in the rest of the stuff, and its a juggling act!

Yes, you need a planner. We have a month to view calendar on the wall - and I often get caught early in the month.

I also write a weekly list of things that need doing - so this week is clean sheets on the spare bed (visitors at the weekend, and DH or I often decamp there with a child), paying credit card bill, wrapping and posting a birthday present etc.

Daisy - is that wine to drink, or a comment on the tread?

ill take the wine!

aarrgh don't even mention presents. I have so much to do! lol need to start sorting wedding and birthday pressie asap. August is a nightmare!

Well you don't have any time to see friends because you're actually quite busy...!

One of my friends has kids and a job with normal (long on MN) hours. She can't come out and see us for dinner or in a bar often so I normally go round to hers for a take away or she cooks (normal tea of whatever they were having, not fancy dinner party!)

Your hours must be tough with DCs AND studying buying don't think they are excessively long. Being out of the house for 12 as part of your working day must be pretty normal for people with professional jobs?

If you're after planning tools I like both of these companies Organised Mum and KTwo. The Life Books from OM are great but KTwo just wins on the calendar front.