To be so disquieted at the thought of my new job?

[Caff2]

I am a teacher, been working in the state sector for nine years. I have recently accepted a job at an independent prep school, very well regarded locally, and WAS looking forward to the new challenge and new year group very much.

However, a few issues have been raised, for example, I wasn't assertive enough at the "new parents'" evening and, just through local gossip, I "come from the state sector" like it's a bad thing.

I was really looking forward to the job, and I still am really, but I feel that there is negativity about my appointment and that I haven't done good "PR" on myself.

Are private school parents really going to judge me on the fact that I was a bit shy at a new parents' event?

Aibu to wonder if I've made the right move!

Don't take it personally - it sounds like feedback rather than criticism.

Have they actually said "state sector" like it's a bad thing or are you reading into it?

You will always get judgy parents, particularly at private school in my limited experience. Let your teaching talk for itself - frankly, I'd rather a teacher who is shy at parents' evening but does a good job of teaching than someone who is full of themselves but can't teach.

Maybe it's me. However, head of school said this, more or less verbatim, " When we employed you, we thought you were wonderful. We still do, but you really need to believe in yourself".

I AM confident absolutely in my teaching ability, much as it means not so much, but I've always been rated "outstanding" by ofsted.

It's the first time I've been thrown a confidence curve ball.

At the end of the day you will be judged by the kids, you win them over you'll win their parents over. Ignore and try and enjoy your job.

Who gave you the feedback that you weren't assertive enough?

I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure that as the school is well regarded there was no shortage of candidates for the job, so they must be happy with your previous experience and interview performance, or they wouldn't have made you an offer. I'm starting at a new school in September, and I think it's normal to have wobbles and nerves at this stage.

Congratulations on your new job

To clarify, parents complained I was shy after the parents' thing and then another group said I was "from the state sector", and raised it as an issue with my immediate line manager.

I was really looking forward to it, but now I feel insecure!

I think the head should have kept quiet and given you some space/cut you a bit of slack. It's so easy to knock someone's confidence when they start a new job.

I would warn though that private schools really go out of their way to impress and keep the parents happy. At DS private school, they always wheel out their most attractive and confident teacher to give the presentations to new parents for example - and to win the Dads over no doubt.

I think it's silly really. I know it's a business blah de blah but most parents will judge you on your teaching ability. There might be one or two snobs but hey ho, they judge us other parents too :)

Don't let the state sector thing concern you, it's just fussy mothers being worried you won't be ale to teach their very talented little child (who in most probability is average!).

Some parents in prep schools like to think that they 'own' you since they pay the fees, but just rise above it and next time learn to fluff better about things you don't know yet!

Then the only way you will change this is to dress well, walk tall and be confident in your ability and your own worth. You need to sell yourself to these people, they expect to get value for their money.
Doubt yourself and sink.
You can do the job, they employed you because they thought so, so why are you being so down at your first little blip? The parents will eat you alive if you don't look as if you are capable of doing the very best for their children.
So radiate confidence and enthusiasm, make sure the children get your best and the parents will see the consequences and stop worrying.

Different altogether in a private school, you do need to have parents on side as they hold the purse strings. Don't let it knock your cionfidence though, they will soon change their mind when they realise how well their kids are doing with you teaching them.

I can see why that would rattle you. I could be wrong, I have never worked in the private sector, but going by friends who do, might they be used to "big personality" types, "performing" at Parents' Evening? You'll get used to each other.

The "from the state sector" thing is ridiculous. Go in with the knowledge that you have achieved good results and OFSTED outstanding with state school sized groups - imagine what you'll be able to achieve with smaller groups of children and what sounds like very focused parents.

My outfit wasn't right when I went in to volunteer to get a feel of the place after offer either ! Ironically, I am private school educated with an RG degree and post grad qualification!

I'm really wobbling. The kids are lovely, the other staff seem great, but SMT clearly don't have much confidence.

I agree with all above - it looks great, the kids are great, this was meant to be a happy change!

Stop wobbling and strut your stuff. Or back out of the job.
You can't spend the next month or so dithering, you will be a wreck by the time term starts. You know that it's mostly in your head.

Reading this thread makes me doubt why I chose private school! I wouldn't dream of judging a teacher on her choice of clothes. I'd judge her by how well she understood my child's abilities, where he needed support and was setting him work at the right level. Most of the parents at DS's school are the same but there are always a few horrors.

My DDs teacher this last year did not make eye contact with me, was incredibly quietly spoken and hard to have a discussion with, mainly because I felt like I was bullying her if we disagreed.

My DD absolutely adores her and she has come on well this year. That is what really matters to me as a parent.

You can do it.

Thanks, yes, I think you're right. I am looking forward to it, but these negative bits are a bit rubbish!

Chin up and go for it. You know you are an excellent teacher.

Thanks so much for positive messages. I honestly am quite confident in my own comfort zone ( teaching children/ relating to friends) - less so when made to schmooze!

We all get the jitters in a new job. Don't worry too much you'll do great.

Try to think of the positives instead of the negatives. Look at the bigger picture as it sounds as if you're focusing on a minority opinion. The HT sounds rather bullying to me. Fancy being so picky when you haven't even started yet

There's always going to be those who like to keep you in check. Use this as a learning curve and practice assertiveness techniques (if you want to ;) )

I've just started working FT after 16 years out of work doing a job I really wanted to do. I got told off within the first 3 weeks for my attitude. I have a great attitude but had pmt that day and was a bit snappy I felt awful and like I'd made a huge mistake working there. But I wasn't looking ahead. Once I cooled down I apologised and explained I had pmt but would keep it in check in future. They were great about it.

All I'm saying is it's so easy to hear the negatives and focus on it, make it bigger than it is. When we need to realise our worth. You sound very worthy of your new job

You won't have to do much schmoozing I don't think.

Thanks, all, I'm feeling a bit more confident now.

:( That was pretty shitty of him to say and pretty shitty of the parents to say to him if they did.

Don't spend a month worrying about it.

Choose a few outfits that make you feel comfortable and you think are right, then don't think about it again until September.

I am sure you will be great - not being one of the loud over bearing gobby ones is no great shame

Do parents judge teachers!yes of course.yiu can shape the judgement by your teaching
Teach well with skill and motivation,you'll be judged well.teach uninspired you'll be judged poorly
I'm surprised your surprised that parents talk,you know this,so good luck in new post

They are small blips, one bad performance. Move on through it and do whatever you need to do to believe that you are the best thing to happen for those children next year. Then show everyone that you are.

I come from the opposite end of the scale, with experience of a very rough catchment area and parents that felt disenfranchised and belittled and who could be highly aggressive and hostile if they felt insecure.
Oddly enough, the same philosophy works, believe in yourself, walk tall, show them that you are a fantastic teacher and that the children will blossom with you. Although in my case it was less the disapproving stares and mutterings and more the chance of your car being trashed or a negative interface with a parent involving the police and some serious fear.