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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu not to want to go?!

13 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 28/07/2013 09:17

Sil is hosting a party for niece today, the problem being is that pil are there. Sil knows full well i & dc are non-contact with ils due to toxic behaviour and infact we haven't seen sil for 11months because of her involvement in trying to get me on pil side.
There have been numerous circumstances of toxic behaviours displayed by both mil & fil.

Sil is on another planet, and has been harassing dh since fri saying if we can't get there maybe pil can bring my dc in the car (i don't drive)Confused
Never ever would i leave fil alone with my dc, let alone let him drive them anywhere in a car!

Aibu based on previous circumstances to say no? And what excuse can i dream up or what truth can i tell to make her realise we won't be going?
Mil was on the phone last night saying she would be here to pick up dh & dc if we can't get there by other meansShock-I don't think so
somehow!

I love my niece very much,
but my dc being around pil
just isn't on the cards and i
feel they are forcing us into it.
If it was pil were not there i
would have considered going
but i cannot have these people around my children.
Fwiw fil beat dh as a child, so much so he cannot protect
my dc as he is scared of the
man! Fil has verbally abused
me and the children a few
times when in contact and
tripped my dc up and wound
them up on many occasion.
Mil is narcisstic and made my
dd from a prev rel feel hurt
and upset by insulting her
calling her chinese looking,
like a boy and constantly
mentioned her true blood father who means zilch and has never seen her since 7m old! There are so many other things the route of going non-contact and i want it to stay that way!

I caved in, in May and let mil see dc, it didn't go well and i'm happy to keep things nc.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 28/07/2013 09:20

why do you need an excuse? Just don't go if you dont want to go. End of conversation.

Nagoo · 28/07/2013 09:20

Say no. You don't want to go, don't go.

Tell sil you will pop round at another point with your gift for DN?

myroomisatip · 28/07/2013 09:20

Wow no you are NBU at all.

I would not let my dc anywhere near these people.

'No' is a complete sentence. You do not need to give a reason.

If you are concerned, take yourself and the dc off out for the day.

pumpkinsweetie · 28/07/2013 09:29

I believe "no" is enough too, but quite clearly mil is digging her nails in Confused
Will message sil later to say no we unable to come and hope we have no follow ups from pil!
Dh is starting a new job soon and pil constant tugging and pulling is really getting to him but he isn't strong enough to ignore them, i'm hoping they don't have him in a depressive state for his first day, that would be devasting.

Went for my baby scan yesterday and again the day couldn't be about me and the cloud was desending upon a special occasion yet again, with phonecalls from mil & fb messages from sil. Everything like dc birthday, my bday, dh bday, anniversary all clouded by this as they won't piss off for one day and leave us be, it's always "when can i see dc" or "woh is me, poor me" etc etc, it's starting to really get me down.
Dh even got told off for not sending a card for pil anniversary, fgs they don't remember ours!

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 28/07/2013 09:30

YANBU stay away from them.

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2013 09:35

Don't go.
Don't give reasons/excuses, just don't turn up.

Block PiL's numbers from your phones. Put cards/post straight in the bin.

And tell SiL you'll do the same to her if she doesn't stop trying to get you together.

pumpkinsweetie · 28/07/2013 09:41

I have messaged her, no we can't make it. Made no excuses as it should be obvious why we are not going!

Seems ok with it, just hoping mil lays off and fil too for that matter. Going to try to persuade dh to switch his phone off soon.

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 28/07/2013 11:47

Dh's phone is on airaplane mode, so hopefully a peaceful day to be hadGrin

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 28/07/2013 18:12

They sound awful people. Hope you had a nice day with dh and dc.

ErrorError · 28/07/2013 19:00

Can you also arrange to be out for the day as well? Just in case PIL decide to 'turn up' to pick up the DC anyway. Sounds like a really awkward situation, YANBU.

wafflingworrier · 28/07/2013 19:04

yanbu!! don't go! I hope you are ok, it sounds rubbish. definitely think you are right to do nc.

pumpkinsweetie · 28/07/2013 19:18

We didn't go and so far dh phone is switched off. Things are only set to get worse as i'm expecting a baby. ils activity always ramps up when i'm pregnantConfused
They aren't happy we are having a girl or about the name, but tough titties they will be lucky to even get a glimpse this time around.

Things are looking up for me & dh, last year and the beginning of this year have been tough, we have had a redundancy, a sanction from the jobcentre, numerous il problems and a mc in feb now we are 17wks pregnant and dh has a new job.
I will not let these people bring us down

OP posts:
Meery · 28/07/2013 20:19

Hey pumpkin, not stalking you honestly! Just wanted to say well done for maintaining your boundaries. Pity that sil doesn't seem to or doesn't want to respect them. Maybe as a pp suggested you can do something special for your dn another time.

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