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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take neighbours washing down

170 replies

FrussoHathor · 27/07/2013 15:02

Just took my washing in as clouds looked threatening. Got mine in and the heavens opened.

Neighbours have washing out. And gone out for day.

I have access to their garden (fire escape route) so I took their washing down, into one of my tubs, and pinned a large bag over the top and left by their door.

Is this acceptable? It is tipping it down out there now.

Would you be annoyed if it was your washing? We're not really on speaking terms.

OP posts:

CeliaLytton · 27/07/2013 21:33

YWNBU, you were being very kind and thoughtful. Personally though I would hate anyone letting themselves into my garden and though I would appreciate the gesture I would not want you to do it again.

I am totally uptight though and have been scarred by many weirdo neighbours!

mawbroon · 27/07/2013 21:40

Where I live, there are lots of families in the street and the kids play together often and we are popping in and out of each others houses for cups of tea all the time. Some of us have keys for neighbours houses too in case there are any problems.

Taking in the washing for each other is a regular occurrence too. I just can't imagine living somewhere are not knowing the neighbours!! And, it's not like we live in the back of beyond, this is in a city street!

llittleyello · 27/07/2013 21:41

I would be pissed off.

Original poster

FrussoHathor · 27/07/2013 21:57

I'm quite worried now that the neighbours might think I want something in return.
I simply thought that had they known it was going to rain they wouldn't have put it out. They don't usually I'm not a stalker neighbour honest, I just spent a lot of time in the garden with the dcs, and it's quite a low fence

inneed that was nice. I don't think I'd risk a 15ft drop though.

Interesting views brought up though. Maybe i acted rashly; I didn't think too much about their reaction, and that they might feel put out by it.

OP posts:

ouryve · 27/07/2013 22:00

I think that what you did was lovely. Don't worry about it

revealall · 27/07/2013 22:02

Maggietess yes livid.

And the OP clearly didn't do it so someone "owed her" she did it to be nice. ....er but as she isn't friendly with the neighbours (not on speaking terms) they could read anything in to it. I know people who just love to be "needed" and would love to do people a favour even if not required.

And please don't assume that people not friendly with my neighbours because they don't want people entering their property when they aren't there. I also don't want my neighbours cutting my grass without me asking or painting my fence even though this would also be a nice (and necessary)thing to do.

Where I live we all take in parcels for each other, have drinks in the garden on summer nights and discuss clearing communal weeds etc.Just don't touch my personal things without asking. Thank You.

revealall · 27/07/2013 22:04

Sorry -and please don't assume that people are not friendly with their neighbours because they don't want people entering their property when they aren't there.

DifferentNow · 27/07/2013 22:05

I have OCD and I would hate it.

Meglet · 27/07/2013 22:06

It's a nice gesture but I'd be really annoyed. All the clothes would be crumpled up and I'd have to wash them again to get the creases out, I never iron - ever. The washing line does the de-creasing for me.

My washing stays out in the rain, snow, overnight.

MadBusLady · 27/07/2013 22:10

I think the majority of posters have said they'd appreciate it OP, and those of us who wouldn't have mostly said we would know you meant it nicely, so your odds are good.

miffybun73 · 27/07/2013 22:12

I agree with mmmuffins.

Though it was a kind gesture done with the best of intentions I would be really upset by it and feel it to be a major invasion of privacy.

PicardyThird · 27/07/2013 22:13

Tbvh I would have preferred you to have left it... but I would have very much appreciated the kind thought and thanked you effusively when I saw you next.

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 27/07/2013 22:14

I would be pleased if you did this for me. I have lovely nieghbours - we would do this type of thing for each other.

starjules · 27/07/2013 22:20

I would and do think its lovely, my neighbours do that ( and we for them) just a nice neighbourly thing to do. My neighbours now all have keys to each others houses and if they are away etc do pet sitting, plant watering etc. When the neighbours have been away we have got shopping in for them. Just being nice and looking out for each other.

Original poster

FrussoHathor · 27/07/2013 22:24

revealall by not on speaking terms I meant I don't hang over the fence nattering to them, or pop in for tea. Not that I've never spoken to them ever.

However I have said that perhaps I was too hasty in my actions to fully think about how they'd feel. It honestly didn't cross my mind that they'd feel their privacy had been invaded. Although I do now accept that I may have overstepped the line.

OP posts:

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 27/07/2013 22:26

I wouldn't like it if you hadn't left a note (wondering who'd been in my garden, wanting to thank them etc.) but since you have, I'd be really pleased.

I hate it if I've left washing out and it starts raining when I'm out. But I iron, so I don't mind chucking everything into a basket to bring it in. I'd rather that that have to dry it for about three times as long!

So I don't think YABU at all (I would be if I did it, because I'd have to scramble over the fence which I think would be too much of an invasion of privacy and too hard work ).

revealall · 27/07/2013 22:36

FrussoHathor- yes I worked that out as you wouldn't (possibly) care about the washing of complete strangers.
However you aren't friendly enough to know if they would object or not. I would thank you but would probably add - "I really don't mind if it's left out" or something. I wouldn't have the words to say "keep the fuck out of my garden". My garden is tiny so to me it feels like the entrance to my living room rather than "outside".

What did your note say by the way?

SecondStarToTheRight · 27/07/2013 22:36

Personally, I would have done the same thing (and thanked you if you had done it for me).

Next time you see them ask if it was ok or if they would prefer you to leave it next time.

Whatever they feel, no major harm will have been done.

curlew · 27/07/2013 23:32

I consider myself to be quite an empathetic person- but I just cannot even begin to understand why anyone would mind this.

curlew · 27/07/2013 23:36

And I would actually go so far as to say that the normal reaction is on the not minding to delighted side of the curve- and the not minding to being livid side is a bit odd.

MadBusLady · 27/07/2013 23:44

Then evidently you need to consider the possibility that you are wrong about your powers of empathy, curlew.

I'm quite taken aback that so many people are taken aback that people might have different views, needs and priorities to them. To my mind, neighbourliness is as much about being easy-going about difference as it is about the Pleasantville-esque utopia some people seem so committed to.

The OCD thing is actually a very good example of how someone's kind thought might be totally inappropriate for someone else's needs. Why not take half a minute to consider how your actions, even if they suit the majority, might not suit some people who are not you? You still might decide to do the thing, of course, it depends on your knowledge of the situation.

MadBusLady · 27/07/2013 23:48

X-post, and quite a fitting one really. Oh dear. You definitely need to rethink the empathy thing.

curlew · 27/07/2013 23:52

"Then evidently you need to consider the possibility that you are wrong about your powers of empathy, curlew."

Obviously. But, frankly, if every spontaneous gesture has to be mediated by every single possible mental issue that people might or might not have, then life would be impossible. I would most certainly not take in the washing of someone I knew to have OCD. I would most certainly not think " oh,it's chucking it down, but I'd better now take I next door's washing I case they have OCD"

deepfriedsage · 27/07/2013 23:55

I don't have OCD, would you create a job that physically caused pain and fainting/collapse by interfering with my washing?

ladymariner · 27/07/2013 23:57

Agree totally with maggietess

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