To bag it all up if they can't tidy up?

[Tittypulumpcious]

After time away with work I return home to a bomb site, dh stuff everywhere. Dsd shoes in every bloody room, a doll here a cuddly toy there empty wrappers on the side..I want to bag the whole sodding lot up and ditch it. Why is it my 'job' to ensure our home is kept clean and tidy ffs. I have a full time job a lot of which I spend away from home AIBU to want to return home and find it kind of how I left it CLEAN AND TIDY!

Employ a cleaner ...?

So glad I am single just could not tolerate this from a man no matter how lovely

A friend of mine was saying the same thing the other day. After countless requests to tidy up rooms, she goes to reach bedroom and puts all the stuff on the floor into black bin bags, puts a name on each bag and leaves in the back garden. The DC are then going back and forth getting stuff out of the bags. After a couple of weeks, the bin bags get thrown out. Bit by bit it worked and now they clean up when she asks, first time. Genius!!!

Wow, Lego, he is on to a good thing with a mug like you.

Unkind Expat no need to call her a mug!

Why not? This guy will never work. He hasn't in nine years and does FA, why would he start now? Get real, if you had a nanny who did that little it would be worthy of the sack.

A freeloader needs an enabler to sponge, and enablers are mugs.

expat wrong actually. I never said he hadn't worked in 9 years. I said I'd been stuck in the same job for 9 years (would you leave a well paid job knowing that your much loved DH who had been abused & thrown out by his family, might lose his job at any time, as he had before)? Would you discard someone who had MH issues? How about cancer? Or MS or early onset dementia?

Judgmental much.

And by the way, they threw him out following a MH breakdown. Not because he was lazy. He was actually in full time employment at the time.

I could not live like this Lego.

If you have tried everything then you need to make a list of jobs for him to do.

Baby steps.

Wash up, dry dishes and put them away.

Hoover downstairs so baby cannot eat grit off floor.

Peel carrots and potatoes for dinner.

I know. I'm going to. We did have Major Words yesterday & he washed up & did dinner & put DD to bed. So, I think a daily list may be the way to go. I don't like treating him like a child but he's so damn forgetful (& tired - sleeps very badly) that he really struggles. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for your helpful comments.

Looks around room: throw off sofa, two crumpledd cushions, dvd, notebook, envelope, charging cable, headphones, pencil cse, plastic bag, pair of discarded leggings, bag of cotton wool - spread over sofa, floor, armchair, etc.

Welcome to my world - and this isn't bad, ds is away. This is why they are not allowed in my smart sitting room - because when I get home from work I need some tidy sanity.

Oh, and I never stop nagging by the way.

Let's hope this shock will instigate long term change. Don't let things slide OP, hold your ground! :)

I think YABU. If your DD is happy and well looked after and the house is hygienic then who cares if it is messy. If I was at work all day and DH was home with the DCs the most important thing to me would be that they all had a happy,fulfilling day and that normally means I would come home to a messy house - happy kids make mess! If it bugs you that much can you have one area of your own that is out of bounds just for you that be kept clean and tidy?

Have to agree with holly.

SAHM on mn are often told that their sole responsibility is looking after the kids. Anything else is optional...because they're not cleaners etc

Regardless, I have to say I don't know how so many of you put up with these relationships. It just sounds so stressful.

If one lesson is taken from this it's that everyone should teach their DC these basic domestic skills.

Oh and btw there are plenty of domesticated clean freak men out there who love a spotless house and a sparkling kitchen.

...you just have to know where to find us

I have MH issues, Lego. And we dealt with cancer and the worst outcome of it. I would not put up with behaviour like that. MH issues and former abuse are not a get out of life free card. I wouldn't do that to my child and spouse and wouldn't put up with it, either.

But it's your life. Sounds stressful for you.

Well embrace I'm happy for you that you want to live in a house full of crap!
I however, do not.
And... at the end of the day, the children (if old enough of course - which in my book is pretty young) should be putting their toys away in toy boxes etc.
That's how they learn to become respectful, tidy adults.
And how they earn pocket money etc...

I just don't find it that way thepig I am a sahm and I do as much as I can during the day. Often little more than a general tidy, load washing and washing up, cooking etc.

Anything extra get done as and when I can. Often meaning that I am loading dishwasher, making packed lunches etc after 11pm.
Meanwhile (dh) gets home 7is and does nothing except make a mess and cook his meal.
This is what pisses me and other sahm, s off. During the day a sahm should do all the childcare and keep the house running smoothly etc. However, if they have been on the go all day why shouldn't the working partner do their share. Even if its just bedtime.