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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think about christmas?

18 replies

Yankeecandlequeen · 26/07/2013 17:44

Times are hard of most of us and trying to cut back on gifts for relatives I really don't want to buy for. e.g my cousin's 2 kids (age 4 & 1). I see her every now & then, she & her DH are big on kids parties, inviting my 3 over then there's the obligation of buying a gift where as if there was no party I'd not bother.

now come Christmas she texts me to say "I have your kids presents". Now not being ungrateful but I don't want to buy her kids presents as I don't feel the need to do so. And I wish she'd stop buying my lot (the same PJ every year). Her brother lives about 300 miles away & out of the blue last Christmas he sent my kids £5 each Next voucher. Now I've never bought his kids presents neither cos I don't see them.

So can anyone help me out by telling me in a nice way how to let her know I won't be buying many presents this year?

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 26/07/2013 17:48

casually say that you wo nt be buying for any one other then your child/children and parent/s due to m oney being tight.

my friends group have a rule.. we dont buy kids preseants ( we'd be skint before we even got to our own kids) but we do buy a little some thing for each other. (theres 6 of us. some times we even do a screat santa so only having to buy one thing) generally becasue we all knwo the kids will get spoilt by family and other friends but us adults get left out

Original poster

Yankeecandlequeen · 26/07/2013 17:51

Thank you WS. I can be a right bitch at times but when its something like this I panic!!!

The only kids I buy for outside is my old friends 2 girls - in the sale but she is a really close pal.

Realised I have another friend up the road who gives my kids £5 and I do the sale for her's. Bloody pointless! She'll have to be told too.

OP posts:

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 26/07/2013 18:05

There is nothing wrong with scaling it right back, just talk to her and explain that as Christmas is so expensive you think it might be better all round to reduce out goings.
My SIL and I agreed to reduce it to just a card per child instead of a £15 gift each we used to do. The kids don't seem to mind or even notice.
Just broach it as being mutually beneficial in the current economic climate .

Cravey · 26/07/2013 18:08

I scaled back last year. I have 17 god children and they all used to get a gift but last year I decided I couldn't do it anymore. Not just money but some of them are grown ups now and I felt it was a bit daft. I told them all in advance and all apart from two were fab about it.

Trigglesx · 26/07/2013 19:36

I think the easiest thing is to be up front about it and not make a huge deal about it. Most people would breathe a sigh of relief to whittle down their Christmas list a bit.

AnnabelleLee · 26/07/2013 19:39

YABU, purely because its JULY fgs.

Justforlaughs · 26/07/2013 19:44

Be upfront and tell them asap. Then forget all about Christmas until November at the VERY earliest!

Original poster

Yankeecandlequeen · 26/07/2013 20:06

July!? I start shopping in January so I can spread the costs!

OP posts:

Bunraku · 26/07/2013 20:30

We say "we are cancelling Christmas this year" in my family which translates to "expect home made biscuits and a card :) "

Me? I don't care if it's July, I LOVE Christmas

Mrsrobertduvall · 26/07/2013 20:50

I only buy for dh, and 2 dcs.
No one else.
It is so liberating.
No angst, no crap BOots 3 for 2 unwanted gifts and no last minute panic.

kinkyfuckery · 26/07/2013 20:53

Just tell them "We won't be buying gifts for the children this year so please don't buy for ours. We'll not/still be sending cards."

WaitMonkey · 26/07/2013 20:53

Cutting back is a good idea. But I'd mention it sooner rather than latter. Some people me start Christmas shopping early.

Justforlaughs · 26/07/2013 20:54

The other way is to suggest a pact where you each buy a present for up to a £5 for your own DCs and label it from each other (and use a stocking filler that you would have bought anyway )

marriedinwhiteagain · 26/07/2013 20:56

You just need to be honest. Things are tight; and I won't' be able to buy presents this year except for the children.

Secretswitch · 26/07/2013 20:57

I am already getting knots in my stomach over Hannukah/Christmas. Money is very tight for us. My children will be receiving gifts under £50 this year. I think it will be alright as they receive plenty of presents from their nan and other relatives. Sometimes I wish the holidays did not exist..

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 26/07/2013 20:57

they will probably breathe a sigh of relief if you knock it all on the head.

mumofthemonsters808 · 26/07/2013 21:03

You are very wise nipping this in the bud now because as children get older it is impossible to buy a gift for a fiver that they actually like. As Stepaway says they will probably be relieved I remember my Mum saying it only takes one of you to stop and the other person follows.

Maryann1975 · 26/07/2013 21:08

I find its not that we can't afford to buy other people's children a small gift, it's just that we don't know what to get them. I try to limit it to £5 each, but what can you get for £5. Nothing, at least nothing that the kids actually want. It will be in the bin/charity shop pile by new year. I need to man up and stop buying and ask our friends to do the same!
I think you just need to tell them. (As do I). I would hate to think our family/ friends were struggling financially but were buying my dc a present.

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