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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit ratty that my nephew hasn't said anything?

18 replies

cozietoesie · 26/07/2013 00:23

I gave him a money bung for his 18th birthday plus an antique 'keeping present'. No word from him.

I've since treated him to an expensive cinema outing and related book. No word from him.

I'm feeling a bit ratty because I could well have spent the money elsewhere. (I'm not wealthy.)

Is this the way of things these days?

OP posts:
SlangWhangering · 26/07/2013 00:33

How about sending him a text and, nicely, reminding him that you would like a thank you. It depends on your relationship but you could be a bit jokey about it Confused

I would be pissed off at him too. Is he usually polite?

My DC's don't write thankyou cards now that they are older teens but they would phone or send a thank you email.

LemonPeculiarJones · 26/07/2013 00:34

Mention it to his parents?

Yeah, a thank you would have been nice!

MariaLuna · 26/07/2013 00:36

Well, you can cross him off your "to-do" list then, eh?

Original poster
cozietoesie · 26/07/2013 00:39

It's difficult to mention to my Bro without seeming to criticize his parenting.

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 26/07/2013 08:32

Really? Your bro wouldn't go, 'bloody hell, I'll have a word with him!' ?

I think you can say something to your dn then. Next time you see him maybe.

Does he have form for this?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 26/07/2013 08:35

My ds1 is 18 and I would be furious if he hadn't made the effort to thank you.

Do have a word!

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/07/2013 08:38

The thing is that your brother has failed to show your nephew that saying thank you for a gift is good manners. You are rightly pointing out that birthday boy has to find some manners.

Indecisive90 · 26/07/2013 08:45

Did you give him the gifts in person? And he didn't say thank you at all?

OctopusPete8 · 26/07/2013 09:18

He's probably just oblivious or got distracted by a pair of bewbs or something as 18 year olds are, I would leave it tbh.

thebody · 26/07/2013 09:25

I bet he was really grateful but unless his patents specifically tell him to he may not think to actually ring/ text you thanks.

my lads are a tad older but I had to make sure they said thanks to relatives for presents, they were very grateful but you are a bit careless at that age...

squoosh · 26/07/2013 11:14

Send a text saying 'just wondering if you received the gifts I sent. Wasn't sure as I hadn't heard from you. Hope you had a great day'.

He'd have to be monumentally thick not to respond with gushing thanks.

How rude though, I'd be irked.

Songbird · 26/07/2013 11:28

YANBU! My eldest DB has a 20 year old DD and 18 year old DS. They have NEVER sent thank you cards or phoned to say thanks for anything we've ever sent. Dniece is pregnant and when I heard I got her a lovely baggyish top from New Look (very 'her') and a £20 Boots voucher with a little 'folic acid or lippy the choice is yours' type note and I heard not a thing. We went to visit recently and we were chatting in her room and I saw the top hanging up and said 'oh did you like the top then?' and she did say 'oh yes i really like it, thank you' but no mention of the voucher. I've given up to be honest. DB always says thank you for things we've sent him, but SIL hardly ever does. If she does it's really gushing so she obviously only says thank you if she REALLY likes what you've chosen. I think that's happened twice in about 20 years! Funnily enough my mum blames her for the childrens' lack of manners [her first born can do no wrong!]

jollygoose · 26/07/2013 11:29

I had the same situation with my much loved god child, after giving her sums of money I could barely afford not a word - she didnt get anything the year after.

Cailinsalach · 26/07/2013 11:34

Oh I have dns like that. I had to ring my youngest dn to see if he actually received the £50 I sent him for his birthday. His response was "Oh was there money in it? I thought it was just a card!" The little git hadn't even opened it as he thought it wasn't worth the effort.
Last time.

cushtie335 · 26/07/2013 11:36

I stopped giving to DNs for this very reason. My DCs always ring or text whoever has given them gifts, on the day they receive them so there's nobody thinking "I wonder if it got lost in the post". Just don't bother giving him anything else in future.

raisah · 26/07/2013 11:41

Just ask your brother if he received the gifts and if he wants you to exchange anything. That will usually provoke a response.

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 26/07/2013 16:34

I wouldn't involve the brother, the DNephew is an adult just remind him you would like a thankyou. I would send a jokey text
Something like

Hoped you had a great birthday and liked the pressie's. ( BTW I am still waiting for my thankyou) (hint, hint) love your favourite Auntie

Turniptwirl · 26/07/2013 16:56

If you're close enough to take him to the cinema he should say thanks properly. If you were long distance and never saw him then he might assume his dad had thanked you on his behalf

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