To refuse to give this reference to DF?

[dimplebum]

A close friend asked a week ago if she could put my name down as a reference - I said not a problem I would be pleased to do one for her.

A few days later, she asked if I had written the reference, I explained that I hadn't as I thought I would be contacted by the employer first asking for it. I apologised, explained that I was really busy ( with a list of reasons why) and said I would do it as soon as I could.

2 days later (which was yesterday) , she asked if I had done it as she needed it ASAP. I said I was intending on staying up late that night ( after putting DC to bed and working from home for 4 hours) to do it - I would have it ready for her in the morning.

So I stayed up while 1:30am to write her a lovely reference. I text this morning saying I had done it, was she in so I could call with it and have a cuppa and a catch up. To which she replied "no, I'm going out"

I haven't heard from her since.

I'm just really annoyed that I stayed up late last night to do it for her thinking it was urgently needed to then have to get up with DS at 6:30 and get no gratitude at all.

I'm planning on not giving it her if she asks - Aibu if I refuse to give her the reference?

Yes, to be honest, I think you are being a bit unreasonable (though so is she).

You messed her around quite a lot, though your first bit was obviously a misunderstanding. I wonder if maybe she gave up on you and just got someone else to do it? Or maybe she is genuinely busy - can you not just email it to her?

My laptop gave up on me so it is handwritten. So no I can't email it which would have been an easy solution.

Are you 11?

I think it's the bluntness of her text that has annoyed me - a " thanks a lot, sorry I'm going out, can I pick it up later/ another time" would have been far better received