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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain about this language, I think it's disablist?

127 replies

Lambzig · 25/07/2013 17:50

I recently went on a speed awareness course with AA Drivetech. Totally my mistake and stupid fault for speeding and I found the course content interesting and useful.

However, one thing is really bothering me. The course talks a lot about how speeding over 30 mph can have severe and fatal impacts during any accidents. The trainer referred on at least 3 occasions to people being "left as cabbages" or "if it didn't kill you, you would be a cabbage".

I thought it was inappropriate and offensive, and wished I had said something at the time, but the whole delivery was a bit intimidating.

It's just over a week ago now, but its praying on my mind. DH thinks I am being a teeny bit preciou, that they use emotive language and that if I complain it will look like I am being petty for having to go on the course (some people there were so aggressive about it). I think AA would want to stop it being said and that I should complain.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
HardlyMotherTheresa · 25/07/2013 19:35

I agree with zatya and think many posters here are missing the important point: stopping idiots driving too fast which is a causative factor in many serious injuries.

By all means focus on a petty mis-use of language (the term "cabbage' is indeed offensive but it won't kill anyone) if you want but I find it very odd. SPEEDING is offensive.

Well done OP for coming right out with it being your "mistake" (not sure how you drive fast by mistake though) and for taking on board some of the messages of the course (I hope). I am not getting at you in particular but am surprised you are picking on the instructor and not some of the prats on the course who had chosen to speed thus risking injury to others for the sake of a bit of excitement or a few second saved for themselves.

PolterGoose · 25/07/2013 19:35

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hazeyjane · 25/07/2013 19:37

vegetative state ? when a person is awake but showing no signs of awareness

From nhs choices, to describe various types of brain injury.

Zatyaballerina, do you not think that someone who has severe brain injury, possibly resulting in a lack of awareness, or very minimal awareness is still a person, who deserves respect and dignity? And that their families are deserving of sensitivity?

ilovesooty · 25/07/2013 19:38

SPEEDING is offensive

No one said it wasn't. One offensive act or concept doesn't preclude something else being offensive.

McNewPants2013 · 25/07/2013 19:40

Two wrongs don't make a right.

I hope the op has learnt what speed limits are for and she will in future keep to the speed limit. However this isn't a thread about the wrongs of speeding.

GiveItYourBestShot · 25/07/2013 19:40

I don't think it would be unreasonable to complain, not least because your discomfort at the language has distracted you from the important content that they want you to remember!

I went on one recently and the instructor showed photos of real local accidents. The victims in one of the crashes were personally known to one of the other people in the room. I thought that was pretty crass. There's making a point, and there's causing needless pain...

GiveItYourBestShot · 25/07/2013 19:42

hardlyMotherTeresa it is possible to speed by mistake by for example, thinking you are in a 40 not a 30 if you missed the sign marking the change.

MrsDeVere · 25/07/2013 19:43

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MikeOxard · 25/07/2013 19:45

I agree with Zatya and Hardly.

You are trying to claw back some moral high ground by saying 'he used insensitive language about disabled people' when the reason you were there listening to him talking about those people, is because YOU were the one risking making someone disabled. Get off your high horse and concentrate on the more important things about the course.

Ilovemyself · 25/07/2013 19:47

Giveityourbestshot. You should know if the limit changes as there will be repeaters. If the repeaters vanish and you are in a built up area or there are lamp posts then it is a 30 limit. So there is no excuse for speeding by mistake.

ilovesooty · 25/07/2013 19:48

You are trying to claw back some moral high ground

Bollocks she is: it's a completely separate issue. She also admitted being at fault and made positive use of the course.

SlangWhangering · 25/07/2013 19:48

I would let the people running the course know. It is not a nice thing to say. I dont think you need to be 'outraged' and angry. Just let them know, I would bet they will sort it out.

Ilovemyself · 25/07/2013 19:50

Hi MrsDeVere. I don't think you would be on a speed awareness course for 100 in a 60........

Flojobunny · 25/07/2013 19:52

I think 'vegetative state' needs updating too, I find that offensive.

GiveItYourBestShot · 25/07/2013 19:55

ilovemyeelf i know that, but there are a lot of people who have no idea that lampposts + no other signs = 30mph. Until they've done a speed awareness course, that is.

When I speed I do it deliberately....

Flojobunny · 25/07/2013 19:59

Lamp posts Hmm

Ilovemyself · 25/07/2013 20:02

Giveityourbest. Those that don't know are not accidentally breaking the law. Ignorance is no defence. If you get behind the wheel of a car you should know the rules. And know how to park a Q7 ( sorry lol)

MrsDeVere · 25/07/2013 20:03

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GiveItYourBestShot · 25/07/2013 20:04

Motherteresa didn't ask people could speed by accident, she asked how people could speed by mistake. I have suggested one way in which you can be mistaken about the speed limit in force on a road. Go away and polish your halo if you have never, ever, once made a mistake behind the wheel. Because I won't believe you. But yes, if you drive it you should be able to park it ;)

MrsDeVere · 25/07/2013 20:05

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MrsDeVere · 25/07/2013 20:07

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susiedaisy · 25/07/2013 20:13

I think cabbage is inappropriate and outdated, it is along the same lines as words like retard and mongrel I grew up in the 1970's hearing those words but thankfully we have moved on.

Ilovemyself · 25/07/2013 20:14

Tbh I have no real problem with a lot of language that people find offensive. As they are only words.

And the comment about 100 in a 60 was not, in my opinion, irrelevant as they would be feeling the full force of the law and are not the sort of people the course is aimed at.

MrsDeVere · 25/07/2013 20:21

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Secretswitch · 25/07/2013 20:22

Ilovemyself, words have power. My 14 year old dd was asked by an older man how it felt to have a cripple for a mother. Her tears cut me to the core.