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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to think this is a red flag

7 replies

keelyboo · 25/07/2013 17:30

my sister has been with her bf 8 months, lovely man she said before they argued because he can come across controlling, she wont stand for it and gave him an ultimatum, remember who hes speaking to or leave was the simple lines of it he bucked his ideas up and shes not mentioned it again.

It was silly things like he would ask when its ok to come round and she would tell him a time that gave her chance to get in from work and he would disagree saying he needed to be there the second she got home and kicked off if she said no, but on telling him plain and simple she wont be controlled it has been ok she said

The other day though she needed the key to his car to go get some stuff from the boot, he said no she wasnt allowed (?) and he would get it she said fine and with that he threw the key at her and said "fucking have it then" it hit her in the face, he reckons it was thrown in temper because she was moody about not being allowed the key, but I was there she just said fine she had no chance to say anything else and it wasnt said stroppily maybe a warely in a couldnt understand why she wasnt allowed it kind of way. He said he didnt throw it at her but to her I disagree and I am quite concerned if he can behave in public like this whats happening behind closed doors

I did speak to my sister but she insists everything is fine, I dont want to push it and push her away but the incident did worry and concern me.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 25/07/2013 17:36

Yeah, big red flag with bells on.

You can't tell her who to see though, just be there for the fallout when it goes wrong.

tethersend · 25/07/2013 17:38

Yeah, one or two

farrowandbawl · 25/07/2013 17:50

She needs to remember that's she's had words with him over his behaviour twice before the car key incident. If she is serious about not being controlled she needs to realise that giving him chance after chance because he bucks his ideas up for a short while means that he is controlling her anyway and taking the piss.

She needs to wake up.

keelyboo · 25/07/2013 17:58

Thats what I thought farrow, I can't do anything though can I? telling her wont make her wake up and i'm scared to push her too much because I want her to always feel she can come to me if she needs to because I am concerned one day she will need to.

OP posts:
farrowandbawl · 25/07/2013 18:00

There's nothing wrong in pointing it out though next time she starts that conversation. That way she's bought it up and you are just reminding her of other times this has happened. With a lot of luck she may see there is a pattern and do something to change it.

keelyboo · 25/07/2013 18:03

Thanks that's a good idea, and I really hope so.

OP posts:
farrowandbawl · 25/07/2013 18:08

Good luck.

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