AIBU about not trusting my 15 yr old to lock up at night?

[Gossipmonster]

DC 15, 13 bad 11. I am quite strict about bedtimes in term time - in the holidays I am much more relaxed.

However I am working full time and this week am not feeling great. I want to go to bed but my 15 yr old wants to stay up. I don't really trust him to turn everything off (lock any doors he unlocks) and go to bed at a reasonable hour (ie not play X-box until 2am) - he often leaves his bedroom light and lamp on all night despite me threatening to remove the bulb!

I have said I want him to go to bed (he has no TV up there atm) but don't mind if he reads/goes on his laptop for a bit.

AIBU? Is there a compromise?

What do other people do?!

Any NT 15 year old should be trusted to lock up and turn the lights off.

Being so lazy and irresponsible that they can't do that would be causing me greater concerns than just about bedtime. Are people's NT children really so shit they can't do simple tasks on a regular basis. Compared to most posters teenagers I must have been a model child (didnt seem like that to my parents at the time!) but I could be left alone without wrecking the house and I was capable and willing to lock up, feed the cat, water plants etc.

I guess I understand now why some kids have no confidence in themselves, when their parents have no confidence in them to do a few simple tasks.

OMG Really? Why do people on here have to be so nasty to a sane post where me the OP is open to suggestion.

As a matter if fact he can cook basic meals (although has been known not to turn the oven off), can use the washing machine and the dryer and gets himself to and from school via bus.

He is absent minded and may let the cat in/out and forget to lock the door.

As a single parent I am not keen on a)flicking huge electric bill b) my house being left wide open for intruders while I and my other 2 DC sleep upstairs.

Hope that's ok? .

That was fucking huge btw.

Fair enough sorry.

In the nicest possible way, I think your being a bit ott.
Ok you don't want a huge electric bill, but really lights on for one night will not put you in the poor house. And if he he does leave them on stop his pocket money for a week or two. And many people forget to lock there doors. Has he never spent the night in the back yard with the door unlocked? But if it bothered you that much, take his x box off him tell the end of the holidays if he leaves the door unlocked.

My electric is on a meter so if it goes off then yes it is a problem.

One of the key tasks we have as parents for this age group is to gradually prepare them for independence, and they have to learn to be responsible at some point. I'd let him do it but impress on him that its in his interests to get it right as if he does you'll trust him more to do more independent things. You have to let them do stuff that might be a bit nerve-racking for you...how else are they going to learn?

In other words YABU.

That's for pointing out my "key tasks" as a parent .

Thanks.

Oh, dear, I forget to lock up and switch things off. The other day I found I'd left all the doors & windows wide open (was nice & breezy though.)

I was MUCH more reliable at 15

garlic

Good point there - I think at 15 you are no more likely to forget to do these things than an adult. (Especially when reminded by the parent before they go to bed)

Well, if he uses all the electric because he left the lights on, it comes out of whatever money he has.

Time to teach him responsibility, I think.

I have the same issue with my nearly 13 yr old dd. I have explained a million times if we are burgled because the window/ doors etc have been left unlocked we are not insured. Tried to get her to think about how on earth she would feel if we lost everything in the house and had to start again. Makes her really think about things, and really sad.

For about five minutes!

Drives me mad, I was responsible with keys to the house from about 9 yo so it really frustrates me that she just doesn't get it. Sadly I think I will have to stage a break in with her iPad going missing to really make her realise.

Hmm - well our 18 year old (boy) still doesn't double lock the front door, or shut his bedroom windows/doors and has been known to leave the garden doors wide open - does the lights though. Our 15 year old (girl) is uber organised and huffs if a key isn't in the key place.

I don't think the issue is about not trusting him to lock the door here.....anyone knows that a 15 year old is more than capable of locking the door at night! It's that he is being too lazy to do so.

I say give him the chance and if he doesn't do it then take the privilege away from him.

But gosh...he really should be capable. A lot of people move into their own place at 16! Which is only a year older than him.

Most people I know had/have jobs from the age of about 14 and you would be expected to be able to do something as simple as switching a light out or locking a door. He needs to learn, this summer is a perfect opportunity :)

Op how is he ever going to learn tho if u dont let him learn.

Yabu. If lights on overnight has much effect on your bill I'd get meter checked.

Well what on earth did you expect, OP, posting this in AIBU?

I was trying to put it tactfully actually. If you don't like the responses you shouldn't have posted in a topic area that is known for its plain speaking.

YABU. OP, my son is 15 and has dyspraxia which means his organisation skills, ability to follow instructions, sequencing, memory and whatever leave a lot to be desired.

The only way he's ever going to be able to do these things and take on this responsibility in adult life is (like all children/teenagers) being taught to do it and given the opportunity to do it/get it wrong now.

So, to make sure he does it all, I make him a list of things he needs to do, in the order they need to be done and he works through it.

One day this week I went out for the evening before his dad came to pick him and his sister up so he had to lock up the house and leave it empty. But he had the list to follow and he did it perfectly.

You son won't learn if you don't teach him and then give him the opportunity to practice, get it wrong, learn from his mistakes and then reflect on how he did it for next time. In just the same way that he'll learn anything else.