DP made an animation of a proposal....

[ThinkyPantsWorryWort]

....a proposal between a couple who were hand in hand because it was something cute and fun to show me.

He knows I want to be married, we had a big discussion about 3 months back (might have been longer) in which we talked for hours about our wedding; even deciding it should be a decision.we made together, every element planned but the date. I thought we'd made the decision that night and when I suggested picking a date he told me he wasn't
ready.

I told him I wanted no more mention of our wedding and married life until he was ready. Then this tonight . . . The whole time I was watching it my heart was in my mouth but my brain just knew. :(

How/what do I say to let him know this just isn't fair? Or am I over analysing and it was just something cute and fun?

He did that and it wasn't your actual proposal?

Since you've already had that conversation, that's pretty hurtful.

Is it maybe his way of saying he's ready to discuss it more?

Is he trying to open the conversation again?

It seems a very odd move if he wasn't. It's... Cold, and unnecessarily hurtful.

Yeah, hurt and cross and a growing anger to be honest. Yet all I can think of to say is that 'it's not fair' which sounds so whiny.

Earlier this evening he serenaded me, it's our anniversary soon . . . I just keep blubbing.

The last thing I want is a big chat, I don't want to out any pressure on him but at the same time it just smacks . . .

Sorry but been there ..done that..he is not ready to marry you. Maybe never will be. Unless he was being cruel, his actions show that he is completely oblivious ..My experience was my boyfriend knew exactly what I wanted and thought dangling possibilities..like this..was some how kinder than telling me outright he didn't want to marry me.It wasn't. But to be honest..I knew it all along. Find a man who wants to show how much he loves you by marrying you ..not someone who plays silly hurtful games .Ive got that now and so can you ..

Thanks for the replies. I guess I know I'm not bring unreasonable being upset by it.

I think you need to ask him why he has shown you a proposal animation.

Why do you think he's taunting you or oblivious rather than working up to a proposal?

I'm not understanding.

Why would any man talk for hours about marriage and then say he's not ready for it?

Why would that same man go out of his way to make/show an animation about a proposal?

If he doesn't have a big romantic proposal up his sleeve then you have to wonder if he's just cruel.

It time to be brave and have the, either poo or get off the potty conversation,

and he has to decide if he would give you up.

and you have to decide if you will be happy forever not being married.

If you want to be married, and he doesn't want to marry you, at least one of you is in the wrong relationship.

I disagree with posters telling you to come down hard on him for this. You're not unreasonable to have strong feelings about the insensitivity etc., but making a scene will get you nowhere. That's not to say you shouldn't make a scene. But if your agenda is for him to feel ready to get married, then you need to recognise that you cannot coax/strong arm another person into making a life-long commitment. To many men, turning up the pressure for commitment is the same thing as an ultimatum because they can't stand the relationship as it is, with all that pressure. So it feels like an ultimatum. And I think ultimatums are a really bad idea.

Obviously, your DP does not think he's being unreasonable. In his mind, he agreed not to talk about your wedding. But he knows, thanks to you, that you love romance etc. So what's not to like about this? It's not like he's talking about your wedding.

No idea if he's trying to reopen the conversation. It seems positive that he isn't mentally on 'avoid anything to do with proposals' mode. I would probably try to go with it for now on the basis that it's very unlikely he did this out of a deliberate desire to hurt or offend you. He's insensitive, but this is clearly the man you want to be with, so you might as well get used to that now because it's unlikely to change when you make a fuss.