Friend giving her benefits to charity. AIBU...?

[EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin]

... To agree with what she's doing?

My friend has recently split from her partner, all very amicable.

He pays maintenance for their 10 month old twins through CSA each month and then gives her extra in person. They were only together for 2 years and are unmarried so she's not entitled to any of his earnings/businesses/houses etc (though she's currently living in one of his flats - rent free/not claiming HB).

She went to the JC to enquire about possible work she can do from home and was advised she was entitled to Income Support.

Basically, she's more than comfortable surviving on the CSA money alone (her words), so she's been giving her IS to various charities every fortnight, as well as doing the same with her child tax credits and child benefit.

She says she doesn't need it, but as she's entitled to it (she told the JC staff how much she gets from CSA, so didn't lie) - she'd rather give it to people who do need it rather than 'let the government keep it.'

As far as I can tell, what she's doing is perfectly legal. And I can't help but admire her for it.

But i was talking to my parents this morning about it (they asked how she was doing since the break up) and they seemed a bit shocked. They said if she doesn't need it then she shouldn't claim it.

So... AIBU to somewhat agree with what she's doing?

Here's an example why.

My neighbour's friend is disabled and can't work and has recently had her benefits cut. She attends a local group which gives advice and support to its members (sort of like CAB specifically for disabled people), puts them up for a night in their homes, invites them for a group meal etc.

Anyway, last week my friend donated £80 to them after me telling her about the group.

I'd be interested in hearing opinions on this because i completely see where she's coming from.

I claimed IS for a year when my dd was younger. At Christmas time, my dad went out and topped up my gas and electric for me, so i had some money spare. I made up some of those little shoebox gift boxes for my local church, and then gave the rest to another charity. It wasn't as much, but it's sort of the same thing as what my friend's doing now. So if she's wrong doing this, was i wrong giving my benefits to charity several Christmases ago?

I think i've went off on a wee ramble now. Sorry.

Silly cow should be saving it up

She's not going to be living rent free forever

What Worra said. Whilst it is admirable, I think it's potentially short-sighted. He may be happy to give her more than she's 'entitled to' now, but especially if he meets someone else and they have more DCs, he may not always continue that arrangement.

Its no different to the oaps who get the winter fuel thing, despite not needing it and giving it to someone else more in need.

The only thing I would say is I hope that she is putting some into savings for her and also for the dc's.

Or alternatively, she could save it all and then within a few months she would have enough to start up her own little business.

I think that's ok - but I second that she MUST start saving. She'd be an idiot not to do so.

I think it's unwise because she is going to need money in the future. She should be saving the money that she doesn't need now. You say she's rent free at the moment but she'll need a lot more money once she starts paying rent. I think it's fine to give small amounts of it to charity but foolish to give it all away when she's got 2 small dc to consider. Not wrong but foolish.

It's very short sighted. Would it not be better to save up some money for emergencies before handing over regular amounts to charity?

Just because she is ok now does not mean that she will always be so. It's rather foolish to live only in the here and now.

Why do you want peoples opinons on this. What difference would it make what people think. It is her money to do with as she pleases.

Yanbu, it's a great thing to do if you can! Proves there are still a lot of decent people around, who aren't all worried about themselves all the time

Why do you want peoples opinons on this. What difference would it make what people think. It is her money to do with as she pleases.

I'm also hoping she's not assuming that having a short relationship with a wealthy business man, and having babies with him, is going to mean she's not going to need her own money in the future.

If she wants to help a charity, she'd be better off giving a bit by DD every month.

Wow I am a single parent who works and I can't ever imagine having too much money and benging able to give some away and if I did I have family members who would be so grateful for a helping hand!!

mmmn think it proves though nice she isn't really in the real world.

when you have kids they come first priority and her partner will most likely find another woman to get up the duff and she may wish she'd saved this cash.

I am just jealous though of anyone having money to give to charity though.

Thanks for the replies.

I just wanted opinions. It's been on my mind since returning from my parents and i wanted to discuss it because i'm a lonely old spinster and dd wasn't interested

I'm not planning on telling her what she should be doing with it. Although i may recommend that she starts saving some.

My friend and her ex grew up together and have been best friends their entire life. So it's definitely not a case of her just hooking up with a rich man. I trust that he'll always do right by his children/pay what CSA says, though I know from bitter experience how quickly men can change.

She plans on returning to work very soon so this is only a short term thing. I really think it's a wonderful thing, but worried she may get into trouble after seeing my parents' reaction today.

I think she should build up a big safety net for her and the children before giving any money away (at least up to the maximum she is allowed to under the current benefits system).

I would be opening Junior ISA's for the children getting her DP to pay some of the maintence into them directly.

Her income is very dependent on the goodwill of another who may decide to be difficult without warning. She should put herself in a more secure position.

Aren't there rules around deprivation of capital and income and benefits (note I am not an expert at all).

maintenance not maintence

Sorry for posting twice!

There are rules about capital and income. But if she is entitled to the benefits , and it sounds like she is , then she can do whatever she wants with the money.
Her not claiming benefits that she is entitled to won't mean someone else gets the money just that the government won't have to pay out.
I think its admirable what she is doing

It's admirable, but she needs to have a safety net in case things go tits up.

How long will she be living rent-free for?

I think its lovely that she's deciding to give her disposable income to charity but I agree with the others,she should be saving some,if not all,of the money she gets in benefits,she may find she needs it one day if things suddenly turn sour or her car or cooker suddenly need replacing for example. She could also put some of the money into her childrens savings accounts. Charity begins at home after all.

She could chuck a few quid in chairty collection tins or set up a direct debit with a charity (cancer research or nspcc for example) if she still wants to donate regulary :)

you should remind her that CSA money should never be budgeted in, but regarded as a bonus and used for extras/savings. it could stop at ANY TIME!!
She would be better off making a small donation to charity via DD and thinking about the not-too-distant future.

Worra's right. She should be saving that money for her twins' future. What if their father isn't in the position to contribute as much in future?

There's one thing I don't understand. If they lived together as a couple albeit unmarried and had children together, isn't she entitled to whatever in the same way as if they had been married?