I just read this, I have an autistic son and I also worked in care for a number of years before I had him.
The care homes I worked it just weren't like that, if a parent wanted to take their child out for the day/for Christmas/ to the cinema they just did. They phoned us up, told us they were coming and as long as the service user wanted to go then it was fine.
If they needed help we often arranged trips that involved both family members and staff to assist because the person needed more care than one person could provide.
Every service user had the option of a holiday each year and was given a budget for it, they could go where they wanted as long as it fit in the budget.
With regard to Steven's list if the man I was key worker for has asked to go to the swimming pool, the cinema or a cafe I wouldn't have needed to ask anyone if it was ok. I would have just needed it write it in the diary at a time there was sufficient staff to cover the rest of the house. I have no clue why they can't do that.
The other things, particularly live at home with Dad require more planning. However if his dad was willing and able to care for him I am not sure why that couldn't be sorted out.
I am familiar with a lot of the jargon he lists, most of it is unhelpful to him but some can be helpful to care workers.
With regard to activities having value it is basically due to the fact adults in care homes can get very bored. Many of them have trouble occupying themselves and can end up doing things like just watching TV for hours every single day which is a miserable and depressing existence for anyone. It ends up with people refusing to get out of bed because they have nothing to look forward to, everyday is the same.
For that reason we did our best to get the service users involved, they were encouraged to help with the housework, take courses at the nearby colleges and participate in clubs and hobbies they found enjoyable. It gave them something to look forward to and a reason to get up in the morning. The idea is to talk to the person and find out what they want to do then do your best to help them achieve it. That is called a person centered plan. It should mean helping the person do what they want to do rather than planning the things you think they should be doing.
Challenging behaviour is another one that is not useful to the family but is useful to staff. As as staff member it is useful to know what a person does when they get angry and have a plan in place to deal with it.
Care home are not all bad and they aren't all like that, most of the staff who care for people on a day to day basis really care for the service users. They come in early, stay late and turn up on their days off often unpaid to ensure the ratios are their so activities like swimming can still take place, they work on projects for the people they key work in their own time and still think about them long after they have left the job.
Unfortunately the bad situations are the ones that make the news which frightens anyone with a loved on in care or who made need to access care services for their loved ones in the future.