To be more than slightly shocked at hearing next door dad threaten his child last night

[Edendance]

I don't think I'm being naive- I know people disapline their children in many different ways, but I also know that certain punishments are illegal.

The family next door have 2-3 children, aged over 7 I'd have said. One definitely has SEN though I'm not sure what. The mum seems pretty nice but the dad tends to ignore us- never makes eye contact etc.

I heard him last night when I was in the bath (windows open towards each other) he shouted at one of the children that if he didn't stop (whatever he was doing) that he'd hit them with a belt. Now I know he didn't actually do it, do people threaten it if they never do it?? It just seemed a bit extreme!

I've had an issue with this family in the past, I was concerned about potential domestic abuse and so I could just be sticky beaking. I'm in no doubt hat they're under a lot of pressure but I was a bit open mouthed at hearing this threat last night. Do I just need to reel it in a bit??

I'd keep being nosy and call SS if you think the kids are being belted or he's hitting his wife.

I think people do threaten that without following through. We used to get threats of the wooden spoon when I was a child in prehistoric times. Never followed through.

No harm keeping an ear out, though I wouldn't do anything until you've reason to believe the child is being beaten.

Threatening is not good obviously but also isn't the same as actually belting the child.

Is this the first time you've had concerns?

I'm sure I sound dreadful from next door. Especially when dd is screaming "help me!!!!!" because I am preventing her from doing something she wants to as opposed to, say, going to bed. I flip my lid, I yell, I shout, i've screamed "FOR GOD'S SAKE!" mentally at them and had a hissy fit. I think next door probably hear. But they understand I have 2 kids 15 months apart and I do it all alone for the majority of the time, and sometimes I need to shout.

Through walls you never get the full story.

Why do you suspect domestic abuse?

And why SEN? Some times of SEN can be extremely stressful for a family to cope with and they may appreciate some help. They may already be on the radar for it through school or other support networks. Either way, they probably feel isolated enough as it is, and even if DA is an issue ( or not), then probably, a cup of tea, or a chat, or a quick "hello" and invite the kids round would do far more to ally fears or help than worrying through walls. I know, when at my very illest, with two young ones, and me and DH were shouting and stressing every night, a neighbour offering some strawberries and a cuppa from her garden saved my sanity. She was probably about to report me to SS until she saw my reality, which wa s very knackered mum, coping with a severe illness and familial redundancy at the same time. Circumstances matter. We remain friends to this day and she did the right thing in reaching out. Try that first.

Thanks for replies.

My concerns of domestic violence appears to have been one off incident (though I didn't know at the time). It was about 2-3 months ago now, we'd lived here for about 7 months and the couple had a screaming row. Not like a normal argument but a horrible screaming row with each other. There was banging and her screaming at him to 'stop it' and that 'I'm not a bitch, stop calling me a bitch' and him screaming at her to fix the door. It was so loud and quite frightening I made the snap judgement to call the police. It may seem extreme but I was really worried and wasn't sure what (if anything) I should do. I called my OH for advice but he was at work and couldn't come to the phone so decided just to call the police.

They said it was the right thing to do and sent officers around right away- the argument had stopped anyway, which was both a blessing but also a curse!

It's hard to explain just how awful the shouting was, and I didn't want to be 'that' nosy neighbour but I didn't know what else to do

So from that, and now this I'm a bit worried. The children often go to bed super late but that's up to them. There's often quite a bit of shouting going on but just normal everyday kid/family type shouting rather than threats to beat them as it was last night.

Sheridand what do you mean 'why SEN?' D you mean why am I mentioning it or how do I know? I mention it as I know it can put extra strains on families and so I can imagine how parents may loose their cool a little quicker than perhaps a lot of parents with NT children. We have always tried to be friendly towards the neighbours, especially the Mum as she's always been quite friendly to us. We had a rude 'move your bins' letter about 3 days after we moved in which she later apologised for but have always taken in parcels for each other and smiled and said 'hi' They even let themselves into our garden after the children threw some of their toys over our fence and we'd gone on holiday

Hmmmm I think it's impossible for anybody here to come to a satisfactory conclusion given the very small amount you know about this families circumstances. You've heard one awful row and tbh nobody's marriage looks (or sounds) great when you're mid-row and you've heard a shouted threat of a type you could probably hear on most streets in Britain on a summers night. Personally it's not one I would ever use but I have smacked all my dc in the past and in certain circumstances the youngest knows I would follow through on a threat to smack if beahviour does not improve. If you lived next to me would that have you calling SS?
I think you should keep a note of these occasions and if anything more substantial arises then seek help straight away.

Parents threaten kids all the time and don't follow through. (be it, smacking/taking stuff away/grounded etc) I'd keep an ear out, and follow your instincts. The gut never lies.

I said "Why Sen" because it's hard to diagnose from view. If it's obvious, as in a physical diability plus behavioural that you can observe, then you know, but I know from experience that lots goes undiagnosed. I was interested to hear how you'd reached that conclusion. I know that i've often seen behaviour that at school would be diagnosed, but has gone unoticed by parents or family. So much depends on setting. Maybe you've "seen" something others haven't. Or maybe the kid isn't SEN, but under stress.

It's very difficult. "Normal" is so wide. Kids down my road are up till all hours, and it isn't my bag, but it's the norm.

If you fear for health and body, then ring up next time you hear shouting, pronto. I once lived in London in a block of flats and had a "neighbour" upstairs who regularly screamed blue murder at his wife and kids. I called the police one night when I heard an almighty racket, and it turned out they were playing pool in the bath with pool balls. The next time I heard a racket I didn't bother, and it was an actual assault. There's never a right time.

It's interesting, I never saw any signs of Special Needs until a couple of weekends ago. I've worked extensively with various forms- physical and mental and so when we then saw the boy on his trampoline (and then on our shed roof ) it was very apparent that he's got possibly a global delay, behavioural problems, perhaps traits of ASD and ADHD. I've not seen enough of him to have any sort of good idea about what it actually is.

I'll hold my hands up if I find out I'm wrong but I'd be very surprised. His behaviour definitely didn't appear to be that of a NT child.

I'll keep my ears (and windows) open! I suppose there's not too much harm in being a nosy neighbour if its with good intention and I've got their best interests at heart. It's just a bit worrying. Thanks for all your input.