WIBU and rude?

[Mimishimi]

My dance group has a major performance in just over a month which is a small ten to twenty minute part in the professional production of another dance company. One of the lead dancers quit a couple of weeks ago and the teacher has introduced a lot of new choreography to us over just the past week. Much of it is fast-paced or using a prop we are not familiar - a shawl. Today, the teacher was going over one of these dances by demonstrating it and I said "I'll just record that with my phone". I walked over half the studio to go and get it out of my coat pocket. I started recording before she started and was clearly standing there holding my phone up. She danced the whole piece but as soon as she finished she said "Don't record unless you ask". She then told me off for about five minutes about how I should not need to record anything, that an important part of dancing is learning to remember steps without having to record them, that if I were to go to the country of origin of this particular dance form and take classes there, I would be thrown in the deep end and would be expected to remember choreography very quickly (despite there being thousands of Youtube clips of dance class lessons from this country). She kept mentioning having to 'use your brain' and I felt very hurt and offended by that. I tried to defend myself by saying that I just wanted to make sure of it in practice this week as I had been practising certain elements of it incorrectly the past week. It probably did come out sounding like answering back though. After she was done, the guitarist glared at me and asked "Did she delete it?". I hadn't, I had already put my phone back in the coat pocket.

I am really upset about it... to the point where I was thinking of walking out tonight. We've been devoting our lesson time over the past month to this performance, not the usual coursework, so are essentially paying her to perform (as it's a small part I don't think even she is getting paid though not sure of this). Over the past few weeks at rehearsals, she has been asking all of us to record bits and pieces with our phones so we are familiar with them. So I did sort of assume (incorrectly obviously!) that she would be okay with it. She emailed me a few days ago if I would dance for a private show a few days after this big production - an office party and I officially said no because it didn't fit in with school hours but really because we have danced for private shows in the past and with the last one my daughter and I did at a restaurant, she not only did not pay us but didn't remember to even thank us! She was on tour at the time and we danced to a CD. My policy since then is just to dance for festivals and things like this (where she doesn't get a cheque). So I did wonder whether she had it in for me tonight because of that. She almost never dances herself when we do things like this and I have no idea why. That said, she is a good dancer in this artform and there isn't really anyone else teaching this type of dance (which I love) in the area - I am feeling so down.

I would find that upsetting too. However, it sounds like you were being rude by interrupting her dance, going off to get your phone without checking it was ok, and standing there recording when she probably wanted you to pay close attention. I can see why you wanted to do it, but the way you handled it was rude. It sounds like your instructor was then riled and reacted badly. I don't know how much of what she said was in response to your defensive comments, though. And you should have offered to delete it straight away.

Your teacher sounds very, very unreasonable in asking you to perform without making it clear whether you're doing it as a favour (in which case of course she should thank you) or whether she's being paid (in which case of course she should pay you). However, she may think you'll be grateful for all the experience you can get - that could be the mentality. If her reaction to you was passive aggression over this issue, perhaps you need to sit down with her, apologise and explain where you're coming from. Perhaps all these misunderstandings have left her feeling like you have an attitude problem.

At least you do seem to respect each other as performers.

Yes, she did get paid for the restaurant gig (equivalent of about 200 pounds) and I'm fairly sure her mentality is that we should be grateful for the mere experience. Since the restaurant was quite far away and we were expected to purchase a meal (didn't) , we were not really.. I did start recording after she demonstrated the first time and before the second, not during the dance. We had already danced it a few times and she was getting frustrated by our mistakes (which all of us were making) which is why she demonstrated again by herself. I probably should have offered to delete the video but I do actually want to learn the dance too ... I accept that I should have asked, but it was the stuff said afterwards about using your brain and not relying on technology that I found quite hurtful and confusing - surely a teacher would be more concerned about the students getting it right at this stage?

If she hadn't already suggested that her pupils record dance moves so that they could learn them, then I would say she had a point. However, she has made it clear in the past that it is acceptable and even encouraged to record the dancing, so how were you to know the goalposts had magically changed?
Personally I wouldn't be able to just shrug this off, but would have to address the issue with her, possibly in writing.
In more than one way she sounds like a bit of a piss-taker to be honest. As for her pocketing £200 for your performance - why didn't you take that up with her at the time?

She sounds very rude! Why does it bother her how you learn? I did a bit of ballroom with DP and I wrote down the steps each time otherwise I would forget them. Some people prefer a visual aid, some prefer to write things down and some just remember them. She doesn't sound like a very good teacher.

It also sounds like she is taking advantage of you, sending you off to paid performances and not giving you a percentage of what she's making.

I think you need a new dance teacher.

Thanks. We've never been paid for anything and she hasn't always been clear about how much she is getting. Only once she was, inadvertently about a month ago, when complaining about a wedding which I had declined to dance for. She let slip how much they wanted to pay (equivalent of about £300) and that they couldn't get a guitarist and dancers for that, only dancers and a CD. Those who were dancing for it ( not sure if she was) were just very quiet. Once we danced at a festival and she was late getting back to the changing rooms - someone came and said "Who do I give the cheque to?" and we all said "Cheque. What cheque?" . The reason I don't mind festivals is it's nice to dance with the other students and it's fun , also the cheques are not very large ordinarily if there are any involved. The dance teacher of this other company is a personal friend of hers and it's a completely different danceform from another continent, although there are strong similarities. Funnily enough, my daughter is school friends with the sister of one of their lead dancers and she quit that dance company just over six weeks ago too. So it was a history of partially this and my teacher expecting us to learn completely new choreography whilst adhering to some idealised notion of absorbing it all without aids that had me thinking last night "What and why the hell am I doing all this work for?" when she doesn't even want me to be able to do a better job of it by having something to refer to. Also the guitarist referring to me in third person when I was standing right in front of him and he could have asked me directly .I should have asked if I could record though.

My word. She sounds awful. Could you not go to her as a group and explain you need to resolve this payment issue? Surely she couldn't drop you all?

I don't know how much use this is OP but: I am a member of a dance team and when we get paid for performing the money goes to the Team Fund which pays for things like new costumes, subbing train fares when we are Wegoing somewhere and some team members are skint, etc. Sometimes, if there's loads, some beer might be purchased with some of it, but it is team money and not dished out to individual members.

She's not awful otherwise, she is usually pretty nice in and out of class (have been going to her once a week for five years - did dance this when I was a child too) but we realised fairly early on that she tries to capitalise on the 'just wanting the experience' of it" thing when it comes to getting students to do private shows for free for her. The strange thing is that we all cotton on to it pretty fast so often the advanced, better students decline and only the newbies take her up on it which isn't necessarily great for her business. I really don't have a problem dancing for free but obviously only at times/places that are convenient and enjoyable for us and where I don't feel it's taking the piss. That tends to be the festivals/student performances. I have been looking at another school which has a great reputation , it's quite far away but am thinking we might have to take the plunge depending on how this show goes. I guess I'm reluctant only because I quite like the group of women I dance with now :(

We pay ourselves for all our costuming etc. I have even sewn stuff for free for her (she did pay for materials).

Potentially a BU for recording it without asking in advance, but from your clarifications she is massively BU and ripping you all off. There's a reason her longer standing students don't do it! Sounds like a situation where you would be best served by attending classes and paying for them and your costumes for practices, but to refuse free demonstrations like this, if you still like and want to learn with her. Otherwise I'd find a better class pronto :)

I don't think you were rude. Especially since she has encouraged filming before. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but I could never learn a dance step by being shown once or twice it just does not go in. I think they sound very rude. You are an adult learner not a schoolchild (who shouldn't be spoken like that either).

Does it make you wonder why the lead person quit a short while ago so close to a major performance??

"Does it make you wonder why the lead person quit a short while ago so close to a major performance??"

No. It doesn't. I danced with her at the restaurant and she took the money for our teacher so I'd say she probably received a very small cut for it but I didn't ask her. She did ask our teacher why she wasn't dancing for this show too and had been looking a bit annoyed lately.

"Sounds like a situation where you would be best served by attending classes and paying for them and your costumes for practices"

That's what DH said - part of the problem is that she is using class time to rehearse for these shows (including the private ones) and not to do the regular coursework/dances. The only extra rehearsals we have had is when we get together with the students of the other dance company - there is one this Sunday. So students who choose not to do the shows still have to learn the choreography for them regardless and then we have often have long gaps between going over the regular stuff.

It does sound a bit like she is not playing fair over these performances. As I said, my dance team does performances and we as individuals don't get paid a performer's fee, but this is something that everyone knows about. We do sometimes get free drinks - and food - and sometimes it's things like free entry to festivals/concerts, and team fees are sometimes used to pay for things like a meal for us all on a special occasion.

But in your case it sounds like you are paying for lessons from the woman and that's not what you're getting (we pay a subscription to be team members, which is generally used to pay the fee for the practice hall and for special bits of team clothing).