To be quite upset by this?

[Madratlady]

I've got a parking fine from a private company. I know that they can be appealed against although thanks to other life stuff getting in the way I completely forgot about it and am now past the window of time for appeals. They've already doubled the amount they are asking for and have got my address from the DVLA and written to demand payment.

Our finances are very very tight and I'm terrified that if I don't pay them they'll just keep increasing the amount and eventually take me to court for several hundred pounds.

DH will not allow me to just pay up. Insists I have to write to them and thinks that'll somehow make them decide I don't have to pay. But he's said he'll be very angry if it ends up costing us more in court as it's my fault.

I didn't sleep last night because of it and the anxiety it's causing me is ridiculous. I'm panicky and tearful and this is going to carry on for weeks if I don't just pay it. I can't cope with this.

Over the time we've ben together there's been various bills and fines he hasn't paid because he's terrible at managing money. We've dealt with bailiffs and there was a several hundred pound fine because he ignored a speeding fine. That was before joint money although I thin I did help him out. We've also both been paying off an IVA of his from before he met. He hadn't payed anything off that for a year when I took over our finances (at his request because he couldn't cope with managing money).

He's also made digs in a conversation about this fine about me not working so it being him having to pay. I lost my job a month ago and although i have another one lined up it will be about 4 weeks before I start. When he was unemployed for 4 months soon after we moved in together I was supportive and helped him out as much as I could.

His reason for not paying things in the past is that he suffers from anxiety. He couldn't cope with dealing with it. Although I know how difficult it is for him having to deal with his anxiety and I know it can be pretty bad, it also seems to mean that responsibility for most things lands on me. This fine is one more thing than I can actually deal with.

AIBU to want him to understand how much this is stressing me out and actually back up my decision to pay it off?

If it's a private company do not write to them but do not pay it - it's little more than an invoice and totally unenforcable.

Yanbu. He's being very disrespectful towards you especially considering his history. Have you pointed that out to him?

Oh and yes don't pay the fine

He is being a dick, if his anxiety is so stressful that you make all the financial decisions then you make this one & just pay if that's what you wan to do. If not then go to moneysavingexpert.com forum on the debt boards & ask for their advice. They are fab & will know where you stand legally.

His behaviour & attitude towards you are appalling OP!

Actually go to the CAB and ask them. I say this because I was told recently by a solicitor that the law has been changed and they are now legally enforceable. I'm not sure how this works, don't take it as gospel but do check with CAB.

I think its an invoice. For what I understand only councils ones you have to pay. Please correct me if wrong. They will send you three letters each more horrible than the next. If worried talk to citizen advice but at the moment please don't respond. Hopefully things will get better soon moneywise.

www.guardian.co.uk/money/2013/apr/18/how-challenge-parking-ticket

If it's a private company parking fine you DON'T have to pay it - there's a guide [http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/private-parking-tickets here] to avoiding paying it.

If it's stressing you out that much though, hand over the guide and ticket to your husband and get HIM to deal with it.

here sorry *

which private company is it that's issued the fine?

I cant advise on the ticket as I dont know enough about it unlike other posters OP, but I do advise you to be very careful with joint finances and the DH. My ExH treated me as you have just explained, that he couldnt "deal with money" etc but it was all an excuse to get me to bail him out all the time, and leave me with serious debt behind my ears which will take years to sort! :(

There is a whole section on moneysavingexpert I think on not paying these fines. They even have draft letters you can use to argue your case.

Towanda As far as I understand it they can take me to court for the amount they are asking?

The company that wrote to me were a debt collection company on behalf of the parking company. Does that make any difference?

onetiredmoney He's not usually a dick, just to make that clear. He can be bloody hard work sometimes but can't most peoples dhs? He's usually lovely. It's much better for both of us that I handle the money tbh, or we'd never have any.

So do I write to them or not? That Money Saving Expert guide says that I should write and appeal but you people are mostly saying not to.

If it makes any difference, the circumstances were that I was working as an agency nurse at an NHS hospital. Because I'm not employed by the hospital then I didn't have a hospital parking permit. Apparently agency staff should leave a note on the dashboard stating their name, who they work for, the ward they are on and a way to contact them. This isn't made clear anywhere, no signs or anything. So technically I was in the wrong.

cis77 don't worry our system works really well. I deal with bills, budgeting etc and if he wants to buy anything he asks me if we can afford it. The only issue at the moment is the amount he spends on smoking but I know he wants to give up and is trying, he's just not managing very well.

I had one exactly the same; two letters from parking co and then two from debt collection Agency threatening court
I just ignored them all and they stopped.

He can't have it both ways OP.

If he really is so stressed out about money that he can't manage finances at all he shouldn't stop you from taking steps you need to take to deal with it.

If he is willing to take risks like this to fight on a point of principle with his own money, fair enough. But he has no right to force you to get into a worse financial situation out of obstinacy.

Don't know what the rules are on private parking fines as I don't drive. I would have thought contesting it is a fairly high risk game, particularly as you forgot to pay initially. I would just pay up, get it out of the way and deal with him later.

I had one from Euro Car parks which I just ignored and, after about six months and a chain of 10 or so letters, has now gone away.

Euro car parks do not pursue fines if they're not paid but my understanding is that some other companies are starting to now.

Dp had a ticket from a private company - it was a parking charge notice from Town and Country parking. He got two letters from T&CP, one from a debt collector and then nothing. It was over a year ago. We had no contact with either company.

He won't 'allow' you to pay?! I wouldn't pay anyway, but the 'allow' bit here worries me.

Wibbly It's joint money. His understanding of the situation is that paying when I could not pay is throwing money away, and the fine is not enforceable.

OP he's not a dick? Seriously?

You can't sleep because of anxiety - he blames this all on you & tells you he will be 'very angry' if it goes to court.

You are worried you will get taken to court - he forbids you to make the payment that will end all this stress & instead forces you to write to them, delaying the whole process. (Remember, if he gets very angry its all your fault)

You lost your job - all money becomes automatically 'his'

You have been paying off his IVA - because he can't cope, ditto the bailiffs & all the other fines. All this is now your job to deal with, even though the debts are not yours, you are now responsible in his eyes.

I understand if you want to handle all the money, but that means he butts out & lets you get on with it. I cannot see any normal supportive behaviour from him here. Damn right you resent him.

Sort this fine out (however you wish) then ask yourself if you are happy in this relationship

onetiredmummy no he's not a dick. This is an isolated incident where he is indeed being a dick, but this isn't usual. I assume the dickishness comes from not wanting me to pay out money that I could get away with not paying which will then make our financial situation worse. I do see where he's coming from.

The money being 'his' has only been mentioned in relation to this, he's usually fine about supporting me, I think he's being a bit funny about it because he hates his job although he's looking for another one, and in his eyes I'm sat at home. Which I am although i'm doing all the housework. He's also worried that he doesn't earn enough to completely support us while I'm not working.

It was my decision to make it joint money and pay the debts together, not something he pushed me into. We both want the IVA gone so we can start getting some savings, improve his credit rating, maybe one day be able to buy a house and in the shorter term actually have money to have a life rather than having to spend 10 minutes with a calculator to decide if we can afford a trip to the cinema or £10 for a takeaway. I'm happy with the situation and would make it very clear if I wasn't. He is making an effort to take an interest and discuss it with me. I just have the final say over the budget.

I am very happy in my relationship, and we have a very good relationship, although thank you for your concern, this is a one off example of him being a complete and utter arse and not his usual behaviour.

We're expecting our first child so me losing my job a few weeks after we found out has been a huge blow and means we'll barely be back on a stable footing financially before baby arrives and I'm only on maternity allowance.

Assuming you are positive it's a ticket from parking on private land and not issued by the council, the amount they will be claiming should be unenforceable.

You could probably get away with just ignoring it, a lot of people do, but there will be a small enforceable amount of debt, so to ensure it goes away forever and is dealt with properly this is what I would advise.

Write to them stating that you understand that as you were parked on private land and entered into a contract with the landowner whilst doing so, the damages they are entitled to claim are expectational.

Expectational damages just mean they put the wronged party (in this ce the landowner) in the situation they would expect to be in had the contract not been breached (in this case, not complying with the parking regulations). So, if your breach was to stay over your ticket allowance by 20 minutes, and parking was £1 per hour, you would owe them £1. So work out what amount you owe them is, and add roughly a fiver for admin.

Say you have enclosed a cheque for £x "in full and final settlement of the matter".

Keep a copy of the letter and cheque, keep a banking record of them banking the cheque, and they will have no recourse against you in the future, and you will have absolutely nothing to worry about.

I have written them a letter saying what i said further up this thread, that i was working at the hospital although not employed by them, so I couldn't get a staff parking permit. I paid the staff parking rate and have still got my ticket to prove that. I've also sent a screen shot from the agency website where I booked the shift to show that I'd been booked to work on a ward at the hospital. I was unaware that I needed to leave a note stating the date/my name/agency I worked for/ward I was on etc because that information isn't freely available. I started to do that the day after I got the fine because I was told that that was what I should do by a member of staff at the hospital car park when I queried it,