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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want Christening presents!!! ;)

22 replies

AdmiralData · 23/07/2013 22:18

I am already aware that IABU for misusing this thread but I had no idea up until tonight that gifts were given at Christenings. My DS(4 months) and I are being baptised at the same time and it will be a family and close friends only occasion, it is purely for the holy sacrament. Are gifts normally given? I will be mortified if people think that it is necessary to bring a gift as they are all close to my son and I only want them there for a special day and a lovely meal to celebrate afterwards. Is it polite to say 'please don't feel obligated to bring gifts we just want you there'? My son was given beautiful gifts at his birth and I don't want anyone to feel obligated/put out. Help please? Invites are already out.

OP posts:
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 23/07/2013 22:22

Yes, I'm Catholic, and been to a fair share of these old things in my time.

Gifts are always given. Normally little silver bangles for girls (my dd ended up with 5!) and silver money boxes for boys.

Then you get people who give money, toys, clothes etc.

I've never actually been to an adult christening before though, so not quite sure what you can expect to get.

I'd just leave it for now and let the guests bring something if the want. Or else, you can follow up your invitations with another letter just stating that you would prefer no gifts were given (if that's how you feel).

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 23/07/2013 22:27

I like to give a little something when I go to Christenings, like a money box/ personalised teddy bear / special books.
It is traditional.
I would say just leave it, if people choose to give then that is lovely, if they don't that's fine.

PoppyWearer · 23/07/2013 22:30

Some people do, some don't.

At our naming ceremonies we said "no presents" but got loads anyway.

I saw a thread where someone asked for people to give the baby a copy of their favourite children's book and I wish I had thought of that, brilliant idea!

Original poster
AdmiralData · 23/07/2013 22:35

Wow, those gifts all sound lovely tbh. I don't want to sound like an ungrateful sod, especially as all present have a close relationship with my son. Thanks all :)

OP posts:
specialsubject · 23/07/2013 22:39

...or you could say 'please no gifts, if you want to mark the occasion please donate direct to xxx charity'.

littlewhitebag · 23/07/2013 22:42

My DH was baptised as an adult and didn't receive any gifts. All my DD's were baptised and received lovely gifts.

WaitMonkey · 23/07/2013 22:53

The book thing is the best idea. Say you don't want anything for yourself, but that if people want to bring a gift for your dc then a copy of their favorite children's book would be very welcome. You should build up a nice little library for your son this way

brokenhearted55 · 23/07/2013 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Turniptwirl · 23/07/2013 23:14

The book thing is brilliant! You could add if they really want to get you something too they can get you their fave grown up book

lessonsintightropes · 23/07/2013 23:19

I was baptised as an adult and was truly touched that a couple of friends who knew it was happening gave me cards. Your attitude is delightful and fully in the spirit of the thing :)

Lurleene · 23/07/2013 23:28

When I go to Christenings I like to buy a charity gift, although I think it is nice for the Godparents to buy keepsake gifts. My nephews just had a joint Christening and for their present I paid for a wheelchair for a child through Save the Children. It was £30 and I think that was money well spent and they felt good about the difference they had made to a child.

Original poster
AdmiralData · 06/08/2013 11:46

Wow, you all seem to have a 'non grabby' attitude which is refreshing. My boss has very thoughtfully said she will buy my son a book from the charity shop I work in every time I pop in (as she knows I enjoy reading to my son) which is lovely!. I LOVE the idea of charity shop gifts and donations in lieu of gifts. :D Thanks so much all :)

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Crinkle77 · 06/08/2013 11:49

I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask people not to bring gifts. It actually think your attitude to the christening is refreshing

twinklyfingers · 06/08/2013 13:13

I put "no gifts please" on the invites to my dd's naming ceremony. I did think it was a little abrupt, but I wanted to make it crystal clear that gifts were not necessary. Dd was born in November and we were so touched and overwhelmed with the generosity of close and distant friends and family. Then it was Christmas and she received more, people were so generous! She still received quite a few gifts at the naming ceremony!

I love the book idea. Donations to a charity are very nice too, you could set up a just giving page or something like that, or even have a collection bowl at the service perhaps? The advantage of directing people to a web page is you could text/phone/email to let people know now. You could say "Some people have contacted me asking what would be appreciated as a christening gift. Your presence at our christening is the most important thing to us, no gifts are necessary. If, however, you would like to give a gift, donations for x would be greatly appreciated. Donations can be made at www.etc. Thanks." I think people can even leave messages on those type of websites, which you could print off as a keepsake.

Have a lovely ceremony and celebration.

rallytog1 · 06/08/2013 13:34

Our plan is to ask people not to give gifts (DD already has so much stuff) but say if they did want to do something to mark the occasion we would love them to donate to the neo-natal unit appeal or human milk bank at the hospital where she was born. Both played a huge role in the first couple of weeks of her life, we'd like to give something back and they need money far more than we need presents! People I've mentioned it to say that's a really nice idea. So maybe if there's a charity or appeal that's close to your heart you could ask for donations to that?

Oriunda · 06/08/2013 14:00

Friends recently christened their DS. It was abroad and we couldn't make it, but made a donation to the charity they nominated in lieu of gifts.

Groovee · 06/08/2013 14:05

I apparently upset dh's SIL for their son's christening I bought him a children's bible! Apparently it was a thoughtless gift. Her mum who is religious and a church elder etc was trying to tell her that the gifts are an extra and a bible is an ideal gift.

I knew it would cause that reaction Wink she was furious with me for having a boy 5 months after her so she rushed to organise a christening to get the attention off him. It was a bit bitchy on my behalf as I knew she wanted "nice" gifts!

thegreylady · 06/08/2013 14:14

Why wasn't a Bible a 'nice' gift for a Christening?It sounds perfect to me!

thepig · 06/08/2013 14:21

YABU to get your son who has no beliefs christened. The rest is superfluous.

Groovee · 06/08/2013 14:22

Why wasn't a Bible a 'nice' gift for a Christening?It sounds perfect to me!

Probably because it wasn't designer and diamond encrusted Wink She is a very materialistic person. I'd have been delighted with a bible or a child's book of prayers if I had christened my children.

Original poster
AdmiralData · 06/08/2013 22:34

Thepig - are you religious? Promises will be made on the day on behalf of my son, he will be told about the Christian faith but not pushed into it. He will make those choices himself much later, that's what confirmation is for ;)

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Original poster
AdmiralData · 06/08/2013 22:35

I second TheGreyLady - a childrens bible sounds lovely and I would honestly be touched if someone brought one to my sons Christening. :)

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