To wish there was a section on Personal Development on Mumsnet

[WordOfTheDay]

I'm trying, not very hard and pretty unsuccessfully, to better myself. In other words to try and figure out what I really want for myself (to make important choices), what my values are, to know what my streongths and weaknesses are, to understand my motivations and triggers, gain insight and so to know the genuine me, blah, blah, blah.

I'd be interested in knowing if you have managed to achieve any of this what you found most helpful in doing it, whether you have had any ah-ah insights that you think might be helpful to me or others, how do I begin? I'm not good at this kind of thing!

Do things you never thought of and take every opportunity.

Sounds corny but I honestly believe it is (if nothing else) a way to have loads of fun!

www.springboardconsultancy.com/springboard.htm

See if there's a Springboard programme operating near you. A lot of women find this programme life changing. Many large employers offer it. It covers all the things you talk about "finding out your strengths and weaknesses", " discovering your values", "goal setting" etc.

If you don't get a chance to do Springboard maybe make a list of things you'd like to achieve, a bucket list etc and then set out trying to achieve them.

Me I took up running, found I enjoyed it, bought loads of books on running, started getting better- I am now fit enough to start training for 10ks etc. One day I'd like to run a marathon.

After reading books on running, I got interested in endurance running and read lots of books about that. As a result of these books I started reading about Polar explorers and finally mountaineers.

I am now obsessed with reading about Everest. Don't think I'll ever climb it (it's a very scary, painful, expensive, dangerous thing to do). However, it's inspired me to take up climbing which I'll do when my children get a little older.

Reading can trigger a whole load of ideas.

choose something which isn't 'you' or you find a bit scary or you have no interest in but have never tried. When you try something and surprise yourself its a real confidence boost. Go the extra mile for someone you don't know that well - they will be surprised and touched.

I did Springboard; organised by my employer

It enabled me to leave my job, set up for myself & I now ave about 8 employees. A new employee today asked why I wasn't doing something bigger....as I was obviously capable of it

Nomnew- did you do Springboard through work? Just wondering what it actually entails, and how expensive it would be? Needing a kick up the arse fresh perspective on things too...

Katy - bet they're kicking themselves now...

mixed feelings on both sides I think

NLP is good for that sort of thing. Also Insights which is probably the best one I've ever done.

ThatGhastlyWoman

Yes I did it through work and I realise I was lucky to be able to do this. It didn't change my life as such, I think I was changing things anyway but loads of women on it, jacked in their jobs or decided to pursue new interests, set new goals.

As to what it entails, it's basically 4 1 day workshops that tackle topics like assertiveness, goal setting, values, life/work balance, selling yourself etc. You get to hear from great guest speakers who tell you why they made the decisions they did and how they got from A to B and you get to meet and network with some wonderful women with interesting stories to tell.

I've sort of done this in my life. TBH it filled in many evenings when I was stuck in the house as a single parent with no money to do anything other than think about the mess I'd got myself into.

For me, it started by beating myself up about bad choices I'd made. I wanted to learn from them. It would have been easy to blame others for my misfortune but I knew that was only a small part of the picture. Truth was I'd put myself in that situation. I wanted to work out why I'd made those bad decisions to avoid making them again in the future. So I thought about them, recognising my flaws for what they were. I followed up by working out what I should have done instead. In the process of that, I learned a lot about my weaknesses, but also a surprising amount about my strengths and how I'd choose to behave had I known myself better and trusted my instincts more. That gave me the ability to forgive myself.

Once I'd redefined my core values and standards of acceptable behaviour, I moved on to wanting to make a more exciting life for myself. Knowing what I did about myself made it much easier to think of ways to do that. It also coincided with an increase in income that allowed me to run with it. The more I did, the more my confidence grew as did my thirst for new experiences and the ability to make them possible.

To start off with, you could try doing a load of the free personality type quiz things you find all over the internet. They're a bit of hokum unless administered properly in the right context, but they will give you an insight into yourself which is a useful starting point.

YANBU

I think you are on the right path to want to improve yourself and the right way is definitely to become more self aware.

Do you work? Does your work have any schemes or personal development or coaching? Do you have appraisals? Can you ask for feedback from some trusted colleagues in the form of : what should I stop doing, what should I start doing and what should I continue doing?

If you don't work, do you have any friends or family who you can ask for feedback from? Be careful who you ask as this is not an opportunity for people to but pick, you need to be confident that they have your best interest at heart.

If you're not keen on that, try thinking of a few scenarios from your life. One that went really well- where you're proud/ pleased with the outcome. And a second scenario where it didn't go the way you wanted.

With scenario one: write down what happened that you're proud of ie. I redecorated the spare room in time within budget, or I was asked to help with something at my kids' school and I did it really well, or I got on the housing ladder by buying a house... Anything that was positive and beneficial and that your are proud of.

Once you have your example, start to break down HOW you did it. Were you organised, persistent, did you use your strong relationship skills, have to work hard and be dedicated, did you have to influence people, delegate, communicate clearly... Etc.

Once you have your list of how you did it, think of what skills YOU innately have in yourself that allowed you to do tear things. Eg if you said 'I'm usually really bad with money but I redecorated my spare room and stuck to a budget. I did this by calling up friends who I know are in the decorating industry and asking their advice. They recommended a carpet man who was cheap but difficult to pin down. I rang him consistently until he committed to a time.' I would say that shows that you create strong relationships where people trust you. You are also consistent, focused and good at holding others accountable.

Don't be modest, be factual and rational.

Then do the same with something that wet wrong/ not as you wanted.

Do more examples from what went well than went wrong.

Have a go on this threa if you'd like my perspective!