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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel really upset being seperated from newborn?

37 replies

fanjobiscuits · 23/07/2013 16:03

AIBU?

To feel really anxious about being seperated from newborn?

I have a one week old and we have both had a bit of a rough time of the delivery. Baby fine now but I'm still not at all well and have been advised to rest in bed.

In laws have travelled a long way to see baby today and tomorrow. OH is in another room with them and baby while I am supposed to sleep.

I didn't expect to feel like this but I feel really awful to not be in the same room as baby. Am almost in tears with how much I don't like it.

I'm not sure how long they will want to stay tonight (they are staying in local hotel) and am worried they will want to stay really late and I will be seperated from baby until then (except for feeds) Am feeling really panicky at the thought.

I really want them to have time with baby but am feeling surplus to requirements and really sad and vulnerable. Equally the live 4-5 hours away and have travelled down a long time to see baby tonight and tomorrow morning and I want to make sure they can make the most of this.

So as not to drip feed, I can't go and sit with them as my post birth issues basically mean I need to lie 'drying out' various bits of me that are not fit for in laws to see. The room I'm in is boiling so even with a light sheet cover over me isn't workable for more than 5 mins. I have a fever I'm trying to get rid of to get fully better, which is worrying the hospital as they can't work out what it is. I would really prefer to be walking around the cooler parts of the house without covering myself up so I can heal but this isn't feasible with company. I have totally spelt separately wrong in this post but am a bit beyond correcting it at the moment, sorry.

AIBU to feel like this? Is it normal or am I just being PFB/hormonal? What would be a reasonable time to expect them to leave?

OP posts:

GoneOnHolidayByMistake · 23/07/2013 20:38

YANBU at all. When DS was that small I remember feeling physically sick at being separated from him. Have you read Phillip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials' books? I explained it to DH as feeling like he was my daemon.

Get your baby and hunker down. The inlaws don't 'need' her. You do.

Congratulations and enjoy your baby.

Pigsmummy · 23/07/2013 20:47

It will probably be cooler down stairs, call DH and ask for baby, then after a cuddle, ask him to ask laws to go and come back tomorrow, be nice about it, maybe ask for something from the shop, as they like to feel useful. Then cuddle baby and soothe bits in the comfort of your living room. Congratulations, you have made me broody!

TarkaTheOtter · 23/07/2013 20:51

I'm not sure if this will be an unpopular view but at one week old I think the baby needs to be bonding with you not the grandparents.
Personally, if there presence was keeping me trapped in one room I would ask them to leave. You sound kinder than me but it might be nice for you to relax with your baby when he/she is not feeding too.

MurderOfGoths · 23/07/2013 20:53

I wouldn't put DS down for ages, remember being really angry when DS cried and DH picked him up. It's a normal reaction.

pianodoodle · 23/07/2013 21:04

Oh God yes get your baby when you want no need to apologise!

The visitors have seen the baby. At a week old they are really not going to be "bonding" with the baby, or rather, the baby won't be bonding with them and doesn't need to at this stage :)

If you are more comfortable elsewhere in the house, don't hole yourself up. You're being very selfless and generous but once you start feeling upset then it's time to think of yourself.

It's all very normal to be weepy etc.. Especially when you're tired and sore x

fryingpantoface · 23/07/2013 21:25

just wanted to echo what everyone else has said.

Also, Congratulations!!

tunnocksteacake · 23/07/2013 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glenthebattleostrich · 23/07/2013 21:34

When DD was born we had an 'open house' to get visitors out of the way so we could enjoy our time while DH was on paternity leave. Our family all live 150 miles away so they came down for the full day, arriving at 10am and leaving around 6.

As far as they were concerned DD needed to feed every 45 minutes so I could whisk her away and keep her to myself for 15 minutes an hour. My DSis told me after she thought I was going to hit her because she held the baby for 10 minutes by the way I was glaring at her (honestly not deliberately)

3 years later MIL still talks about how much new babies feed when breastfed, I smile and nod along. Luckily I was the first on both sides of the family to BF so got away with it

Congrats on your baby and

HooverFairy · 23/07/2013 21:50

YANBU, do what you need to do to have your baby with you, you don't get this time back. I bitterly regret not having my baby in hospital with me when I was readmitted with a bad infection. He was 6 days old and i was having rigours, it turns out I had a kidney infection but was really poorly for 5 days. I was told I could have my LO with me but I honestly felt so ill I couldn't look after him, I had been discharged from critical care but still on IV antibiotics. However, when I look back I always question whether or not I could have looked after him. I missed days 6 to 12 and those days feel like a massive chunk of his life. After that I hogged him, and I don't care! I took him off people and didn't hand him over to visitors unless pushed - that's the bit I'll never regret.

I hope you're feeling better soon, the healing part is awful and if you're battling an infection then you'll be feeling weak. You said they didn't know what the infection was, they didn't know with me either until a few days after but broad spectrum antibiotics will get rid of whatever it is, the precise location isn't immediately important so try not to worry.

Congratulations!

jkklpu · 23/07/2013 21:54

Do take care of yourself and make sure your dp does, too. And remember now is not the time for your ILs to "bond" with your newborn, so you should not feel under any pressure to leave your baby out of your reach any longer than you feel comfortable, if at all.

HairyGrotter · 24/07/2013 07:14

YANBU, I had a hell of a delivery with DD five years ago and was extremely panicked by her being more than 5ft away from me. This feeling does ease with time, but your body and mind have to have time to adjust!

I had to be firm and explain to people about my issue with DD being passed around out of my sight. Most respected my feelings. Speak with DP, let him know how you're feeling

springytoto · 24/07/2013 09:27

And wear wet socks to help you feel cooler! Works a treat.

Congrats on your lovely snuffly baby. YANBU at all

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