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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to refuse to play any card games with DD for the rest of the summer?

23 replies

thefuturesnotourstosee · 23/07/2013 10:27

Because she's such a bad loser?

She's currently have a massive temper tantrum stampeding about shouting "its not fair" "I'll never play with you again" "I'll throw myself down the stairs if you win again" "you're the meanest mummy in the world"

I didn't mean to win at Uno extreme it was just difficult not to short of cheating. she's 7 by the way not a toddler.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 23/07/2013 10:28

Lolling at I'll throw myself down the stairs if you win again.

Maybe move to a bungalow?

FreckleyGirlAbroad · 23/07/2013 10:40

LOL.... I think I'd have to keep playing just for the entertainment factor of the tantrums! (reminds me a little of me when I was that age!!!)

Teaching someone to be a good loser is actually pretty difficult!

Avondale · 23/07/2013 10:42

Maybe the rest of the day. Rest of the summer seems tad harsh!

LastTangoInDevonshire · 23/07/2013 11:25

Take a video of her tantrumming, and then play it back to her next time she asks !

KurriKurri · 23/07/2013 11:54

I would wait until you lose a game, then I would throw a tantrums of epic and exaggerated proportions until you make her laugh - then she might get the message that poor losing is not a good look

DeWe · 23/07/2013 11:56

Actually my response was to play lots and lots of games of which they won a small proportion. That way thy got used to it in the safe environment of home rather than stropping on a friend.

NoComet · 23/07/2013 12:00

DD2 used to change the scoring system on card and dice games.

We play a couple where you can have either running totals or number of rounds won. DD2 always choose the one that meant she did best.

This was after years of DD1 and me refusing to play with her at all because of her tantrums if she didn't win.

Even at 12, your on thin ice if you beat her.

quoteunquote · 23/07/2013 12:01

Teach her chess, backgammon ,Kalaha and connect 4, and she can use her frustration to channel her logic learning skills.

HouseAtreides · 23/07/2013 12:04

DD1 is still a sore loser at nearly 12. 6yo DD2 is thankfully more sanguine, though I do have to take a dive occasionally for her too! (many's the time I have pretended not to find the picture in Pictureka!)

Aniseeda · 23/07/2013 12:11

I feel your pain! We had to introduce a system of rewarding good losers to solve this with our lot.

So, if you lost the game and managed to smile and congratulate the winner, you got a reward (a sticker or whatever)

We also had good winner rewards for winners who didn't rub it in the face of the loser too much, although you were allowed a bit of a celebration!

It did make games feel like an intervention for a while but we could eventually play a game as a family without someone/everyone ending up wailing on the floor or storming off in a huff!

hothereinnit · 23/07/2013 12:11

dd2 is just entering a phase of sulking if she is losing. it is painful.

we try to mix up the games a bit, play lots of different types, and play lots and lots of games so that everyone has a chance to win (obv works better for games where luck is involved rather than skill! although even when skill is required, my attention is usually taken up by making sure baby ds isn't about to chew the computer wire or similar, so I'm not much of a match for the children, tbh )

And lots and lots of talk about how not everyone can win, how it is nice to enjoy the game, that winning isn't everything etc. and harsh sanctions for actual strops about losing and spoiling it for everyone.

TabithaStephens · 23/07/2013 12:13

Teach her card counting, then she can earn money for the family when she's a bit older.

fluffyraggies · 23/07/2013 12:15

My XH was a bad looser, and his DM told me of a time he turned a chess board over rather than make his last (loosing) move.

No idea why he was like this. Mild mannered bloke in every other way.

New DH is more competitive than bad looser, if that makes sense. Takes huge delight out of winning the simplest little game .... i-spy !? ... and gets very 'into' any game we play.

I find it tiring. I have ZERO competitive spirit and will play a game and have fun without giving a hoot if i loose. DCs are all the same.

No idea if it's a family placement/size of family thing. Both DHs came from big families. I'm an only child. Less competition growing up? I think my DCs jst take after me.

Not much help OP, after all that ... sorry Do you have a competitive member of the family who DD is copying?

RussianBlu · 23/07/2013 12:18

I feel your pain. whenever we go outside and see a child having a little tantrum I say, 'ooh look, that's you, just a bit smaller' or 'oh, there you are but you're wearing a pink dress' and we have a good old laugh.

Beastofburden · 23/07/2013 12:19

I would wait for her to ask for a game, and then say, you're not sure about playing with her, its no fun as she is so horrible if she loses. After all, that's the response she will get from her friends. See if she can get the message.

But no point saying it while she is still in a strop, as she doesnt care if she never plays cards with you again, right now.

fuzzpig · 23/07/2013 12:20

I find a bad winner worse than a bad loser. I hate gloating!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/07/2013 12:20

No. Carry on playing.

And make sure you win about half the time!

She needs to learn how to lose gracefully or other kids won't want to play with her.

fuzzpig · 23/07/2013 12:21

I agree that it is important to persevere though, you need to give her opportunities to improve her losing behaviour because her friends won't be as forgiving as her mum!

Flobbadobs · 23/07/2013 12:21

DS used to be like this, he just naturally grew out of it. He's nearly 13 and is very competitive but doesn't tantrum anymore. I think the time he realised that when one of us walked out of the room when he started we were actually laughing at him (laughing in front of him seemed cruel and would only make things worse) started the improvement!
I still won't play poker with him though, he's too good

hairylittlegoblin · 23/07/2013 12:21

Apparently Andy Murray was a terrible loser as a child. Can you console yourself with the thought that you might be raising a future Wimbledon champion?

cornflakegirl · 23/07/2013 12:23

I agree with DeWe - play more. DS isn't a great loser and also has a tendency to cheat - we're zero tolerance on that and will stop the game, but better he learns with us than alienates all his friends. He is actually getting much better.

Agree about teaching chess - mini victories and defeats when you take a piece or make a stupid move (DS especially likes it when I think I've done something really clever, but have in fact left myself wide open). And Dominion is also really good - it changes every time and there is a mix of strategy and chance, so a bit more of an even field between adults and children.

MumnGran · 23/07/2013 12:23

As a cheerful loser, I have always been stunned by my MILs response to losing - literally an adult version of a childs tantrum. She can't help it, but it really isn't pretty to watch.

Was horrified when DD1 displayed exactly the same traits, from the very earliest games of snap onwards.
We tried all sorts of tricks to improve things, and she does manage not throw her toys out of the pram over losing nowadays, but at heart she remains her grandmothers genetic child - to the core :-(

KhaosandKalamity · 24/07/2013 07:47

Have you considered playing games where there is no winner? My brother was always a sore loser so we would play games for fun, for example yhatzee but not adding the scores at the end, or life but when one player finishes they choose a child and start again.

It helped remind him that the whole point is to enjoy the game, not just enjoy winning it, and now I can safely beat him without tantrums following.

Flip