AIBU to hold off contact until I'm ready??

[babybearsmummy]

A few years ago I ended the relationship with a rather abusive ex. It took over a year and a lot of support from new-found friends for me to realise that the relationship was not "normal", however when things ended, my family stopped talking to me on the grounds that I upset/ hurt him by breaking up with him.

I haven't spoken to them for over 2 years now (only my younger brother as of last christmas) and am now engaged and have a dd.

My brother has recently told me that he and my mum had a gift for dd's birthday and wanted to pop by to give it to her and for my mum to meet her.

However, I don't feel ready to start talking to her yet, especially as most of my family still have contact with my ex. They don't believe much of what I have said as he has argued otherwise, despite him having a police record with 4 reported incidences of sexual harassment/ attempted rape against him which I only found out after we'd split.

So would I be unreasonable to say that I'm just not at a stage in my life yet where I can forgive and forget? I don't really want people around my daughter who don't support her mum if that makes sense. WWYD??

YANBU If you don't feel ready to meet then don't.
There's a possibility that you might never want to make contact again..its purely your choice.
To be honest I don't think I could as she's still in contact with your vile ex.

Yanbu. At all IMO. If it was me, I would be having nothing to do with them, indefinitely. You are obviously doing well without them in your life, and they have showed where their loyalties lie. Sorry to hear your family have let you down so spectacularly op.

YANBU. I find it astonishing that anyone would expect an immediate family member to tolerate abuse in order not to hurt someone's feelings. Without knowing the background your family sounds toxic and you don't need people like this in your life right now.

Maybe send a note saying you appreciate the thought and perhaps allow them to send the gift but say until they can show that they understand what you have been through you are not prepared to see them.

YANBU. Why on earth would your own family stop talking to you after you split with an ex partner? They are not entitled to see your DD unless you choose to let them. It would take a lot for me to let toxic relations just waltz back in to my life!

I would not accept any contact until they had stopped seeing your abusive ex. They chose him over you, they have to live with that choice.

I'd say this sounds unbelievable but my dm still talks about my ex often and says I was 'horrible' to dump him.

It took me a year to carefully remove myself from that relationship because I really thought he would attack me, even kill me when I left. She couldn't care less. He was always nice to her so she likes him. But as bad as that is, at least she respected my wishes in cutting off contact.

I would absolutely not allow contact with your dd if I were you, they don't sound emotionally healthy at all.

YANBU. I have a slightly different situation in that my mother doesn't talk to her parents, and my gps decided they wanted to give a gift and meet my dd for her 2nd birthday. It was very bluntfully explained to my aunt that it was dd's 2nd birthday, and they hadn't thought of her at her birth or for her 1st. So no thank you, we wont be going out of our way to introduce dd to a stranger who she will probably never see again.