To withdraw my son from kindergarden if he hates it?

[Guerrillacrochet]

We've been living abroad for the past 5 months with my job- I'm on a 1 year placement. My DH is looking after the children. My dd is at home all the time (she's 16 months) but we have put my son (3, will be 4 in a few months) in a bilingual kindergarden for 2 days a week. When we were in the UK he was at nursery for a couple of days a week too, so we wanted to give him that consistancy and also help him meet new friends.

The problem is that he says he hates his kindergarden and always cries on days he has to go. He has also started shouting out in his sleep that he doesn't want to go. It's very upsetting.

When he gets to the nursery he is fine and he has a couple of friends, but certainly doesn't like it as much as his nursery in the UK. We've spoken to the staff who have confirmed that he is fine, although he sometimes is a bit bolshi with the rules- I think partly because it is more regimented than the UK and also because he isn't there full-time and doesn't fully get the routine. I also can imagine it is tough for him with those children that don't speak English.

I am wondering about withdrawing him as we've tried for 5 months and he still doesn't like it. I hate the idea that it is on his mind so much he is even upset in his sleep.

But is this a bad idea? Will it teach him that if he kicks off he will get his own way? I suppose the other alternative is trying him full-time to see if he gets into the routine. It would be expensive to do this but we could try.

Well done you Guerrilla. You've done the right thing. A little one so young needs to know you're on his side more than he needs to learn to stick it out.

There'll be plenty of time to do that later on.

A little one so young needs to know you're on his side more than he needs to learn to stick it out.

Exactly!

I think you've done the right thing. I have seen similar things with other children around this age and slightly older when they move countries and everyone around them speaks a different language. It all sounds ideal and lovely and you imagine they will quickly become bilingual, but for 3/4 year olds, it can be immensely frustrating, our friend's daughter who was three used to have paddies when people spoke the 'wrong' language to her and get very upset when her parents used it too. It also takes a long time (months, not weeks) to learn enough to be able to communicate and 2 days a week might just prolong it all- most of our friends' children have learned English very well now, but it took 6 months to a year of full-time school, and some did initially have frustration/behavioural issues along the way.

I don't want to be discouraging, in all these situations eventually the children have done amazingly well and settled and learned the other language, but I think you have to be prepared for short-term bewilderment and frustration from littlies unless they really have spoken the language their whole lives, it also depends on the child and their age.

Good call G

I think you have done the right thing.

My dh refused to go to nursery when he was about 3/4. His grandmother was dying in the hospital at the time and his mother was pregnant and I think he just couldn't cope with being apart from the family at such a time of upheaval.

MIL would take him with her to the hospital and he would sit quietly with colouring books for hours while she visited.

MIL was worried he wouldn't settle at school but he went in quite happily and as MIL has mentioned just once or twice was the first child in the history of the world school to bring a reading book home on the first day.

Sadly this is a thing I realised with my third. My first was made to go and to settle, because that's what I thought was supposed to happen. He became quite nervous and unhappy and started school very badly because of it. The third one didn't want to go to nursery, didn't like it, so didn't. It wasn't even a hard decision. Settled at school with joy and enthusiasm, because he felt more secure I suppose.