to not know what to say to this favouritism

[moonsquirter]

DSis has always adored my DD and loves to spoil her. Anyway, I subsequently acquired DSS and had DS1 and DS2 and, frankly, the level of interest in the boys doesn't even come close.

Last year, she forgot DSS's and DS1's birthdays then remembered birthday season just in time for DD's (which is only a couple of weeks later). This year she genuinely had a lot of personal stuff going on around the boys birthdays but again seems to think it's ok just to send a present for DD.

I don't expect a present for any of my children, from anyone. But surely if you send for one, you send for all? And given that all four birthdays are only a few weeks apart, don't you just send belated ones for those you forgot?

I have a real fear of seeming rude or entitled so haven't said anything, and the kids aren't switched on enough to have noticed. But I have, and I hate her treating some of my children as second best. Can somebody please tell me how to deal with this??!

Ooh tough one. My brother had the same problem and eventually told the person who was guilty of 'favouritism' that both his daughters are equal - always. I am afraid that perhaps being straight with your friend may be your only choice? My brother was blunt and the situation has sorted itself out now, I wish you the best of luck as this situation is obviously tricky. You aren't BU for wanting your children to be treated equally btw, I applaud you for including your DSS as my own stepmother hated my fucking guts >:}

Awfully sorry, you said sister not friend :)

Maybe she feels closer to your little girl and more in touch with her? Maybe she feels that girls sometimes get a raw deal and she wants to make her feel special?

Difficult to know but I would say don't read too much into it. I have six 'god' children and six nephews and nieces. Despite my best attempts, I do miss things. It may be that I have remembered the birthdays of some more than others, I simply would not know. The most important thing is seeing them and making clear they are special to me (they are). Remember that us childless ones live in a hedonistic, live for the moment world and sometimes get it a little wrong.

It is definitely true that she feels closer to DD but I still feel uncomfortable with her treating the kids differently (and she's not going to get to know any of the others if her focus is always on DD).

I do understand that birthdays get forgotten but 5 days after DS2's birthday, she's airily explaining that she's been really busy but, ooh, has found something that DD would love.

I need to bite the bullet and say something or I will fester about it. Wish me luck!

She may feel closer to your DD but she is excluding the others. When they are small, they may not notice it but as they grow up they certainly will. You need to nip this in the bud and have a straight talk with your sister.

Bloody rude IMO.
They are her nephews after all.
Does she have dc and if not will she be happy with you only buying presents for one and not the other.

I think the unentitled way to tackle it is to say that whilst dd enjoys and appreciates the gifts she buys, it is causing upset within the family as the boys are excluded. She should buy nothing, or if she really wants to get a gift she could get a game that can be shared between them all.

Yanbu

I get this from lots of people, they remember dd but not ds. I think it's a fairly common first child syndrome. Though my kids don't seem to notice so no harm done here.