help with her dad: leaving her in the dark with closed door to sleep

[DoctorMcPino]

Hi there,
Do you know any organization or charity that can help with my partner about dealing with sleeping issues or general tasks? After dinner, my 2 years old goes to bath with her dad, then a bottle and a book, he stayed with her in her room until she is slept, but all this routine is a battle of shouts and whatever every single night. He doesn't listen to me that leaving her in the dark is scary for her because she refuses to go to bed, or say to her that he is leaving because she is silly and knotty. Don't take me wrong he is a good dad and helps a lot, but when this things happens I don't have any valid reasons to explain to him, he won't listen to me, may be someone with authority or similar can say all things to him. The other day he took her in his lap and sat in a stool to do a juice, so cutting the fruit with a knife, she moved or felt and by accident he cut very little and very light her arm, I know it was an accident, he won't do any thing like that on purpose, but He won't believe or won't listen. I'll contact our lovely heath visitor and see if she can help us. Please let me know if you know where I can get help with these problems, something like organizations or courses for dads or books for dads. Many thanks.

It's a bit of a concern that he has such little regard for your opinion. You are asking for recommendations for parenting advice because your husband will take on board what strangers tell him, but not what his wife suggests.

You say yourself that he doesn't listen to you but if someone 'in authority' tells him the exact same thing, he will listen to them. Be aware of this and be careful to keep a watch as your daughter grows up.

It's important that she is allowed to express her opinion and be respected for it. It's important for you too OP.

Now, to answer your question, have a look for local parenting classes which, ideally, you could both attend.

If she sleeps best with the door open and a night light on that is what I'd do. I know she is just 2 but she should be allowed some say in terms of what suits her. You are setting bedtime, where she sleeps, what she wears to bed etc and need to support her in getting to sleep. Have you tried asking her what is scaring her? You may need some monster spray (water in spray bottle) that you use before bedtime or use magic to give teddies superpowers...

My DD sleeps better with the door closed, but cried when I turned the night light off last night. I switched it back on and she went to sleep. I was happy for her to choose this. I use the Angelcare monitor which has a really gentle light on top and monitors temp etc.

How did DH respond to the cutting incident? I know my DH would be devastated if he cut DD and learn from his mistake.

Good luck.

I'm a bit confused.
You say he "he stayed with her in her room until she is slept" and "but all this routine is a battle of shouts and whatever every single night".

So he was staying in her room but finding he was ending up shouting at her because she wouldn't stay in bed. So he's trying putting her to bed and leaving her in the dark instead? (which may invlove less shouting)
Is that right?

In which case he may be finding that if the light is on then she will just get up and play for ages. I have one who still (age 9!) does that if she thinks she can get away with it. That means that she can still be playing at 11 pm or later despite being desperately tired.
In her case we do have to make sure the room is dark. If any light is on she doesn't last 5 minutes before she sees something that "just has to be done" and that's her up again.
We ended up getting for her tiny plug in lights. They just look like a plug, and give enough light for it not to be dark, but not enough to do anything by (although I'm sure she's tried).

Of topic slightly but please reconsider if your children sleep with the door open. Next to smoke alarms that work, sleeping with the door closed is one of the most important things to do to save lives in a fire. I work with fire fighters and have seen very scary pictures of inside/outside doors in a fire. Black, toxic smoke almost to the floor outside. Clear, clean door inside. A closed door could give fire fighters extra time to save the children's lives.

I totally understand your point and I shut my door and dd1 shuts her door but dd2 and gecko bedroom doesn't have a door

I think you need to exert authority a bit more. Im not saying a mum is always right but leaving a 2 yr old to be terrified every bed time and not having the common sense to realise that cutting fruit with a knife while having a small child on your lap can be dangerous rings alarm bells for me.

Anybody can make a mistake but the point is normal parents take that mistake on board and learn from it but this doesnt seem the case for the OP regarding her DP