to think MNers need to temper their advice a little?

[bookforgoddaughter]

I love a good LTB thread and I think we all know the advice is a often a little premature. However, last night a justifiably pissed off OP was being encouraged to call the police about her noisy neighbours. I sympathise with her but is this not a little extreme? Glad she did not act on advice. Flame away!

There's constant advice to phone the police if your 13-year-old child is very angry.

I don't like reading LTB. It's pretty strong stuff to hand out casually on an internet forum without a very clear reason. Most of the time when I read a post that advocates LTB I sigh and think "Godwin's Law".

Well there is a thread right now where someone called the police because a traveller said fuck off and also could have(but didnt) swing a swing into a kids face. If I was the police I would be mighty pissed at this waste of time.

A threat to kick my head in? Non emergency number and a word with the neighbour the following day to advice as such.

I agree with you OP. It was one bloody night of laughing and stupidity by the neighbours, not a whole life time. Going and knocking on their door knowing they were drunk was asking for trouble. She should have got through the night and then popped over the following morning for a chat.

Same problem on every medical thread - lost count of the number of posters who've been told to go to hospital (often via ambulance ) over the most minor incidents .

People like a drama - even if they're only experiencing it vicariously through the internet!

Had to look up "Godwin's law" - it means the longer a thread is running the more likely it is that someone brings the Nazis into it. I guess toadinthehole is meaning the general tendency to escalate the seriousness of every situation.
I have tried being the voice of reason when everyone is shouting LTB for a single incident (of losing temper, saying something rash or hurtful) in a long marriage or relationship, but have been consistently shouted down and told I'm condoning emotional abuse.
I know it's only advice from random strangers who have no investment in the situation and will not be affected by the fall-out but so often posters are swayed by the force of the arguments.
I wonder if anyone has every tried to measure the Mumsnet effect?

I wouldn't be popping round for a chat with someone who'd told me 12 hours previously that they were going to kick my head in!

Imperial I think the point was that if she had waited to have a word in the morning when they were sober, she wouldn't have been threatened in the first place.

She popped around during the night and was told she was getting her head kicked in when they were drunk. I proposed she didn't go around at all.

So you think she should have just put up with the noise, justforlaughs?

I didn't know about Godwin's Law either.

LTLON

Bakingtins, trying to be the voice of reason on an LTB thread, or indeed largely any thread in Relationships, is being on a hiding to nothing. I wish I had been the one to coin the term "Projection City" as the real Topic name.

I doubt anyone has ever LTB because of advice they've been given to LTB unless they'd already made up their minds to LTB.

Please don't overestimate the power of the advice you give on an anonymous internet forum. Putting a problem to a public vote has very little impact in my opinion. People just want to vent.

For what it's worth I read plenty of threads where I may well think 'leave the bastard', don't think I've ever actually said it though. As for the person who was shocked that she was given such advice, well then don't post a thread that only demonstrates the less becoming aspects of your DH's personality.

cestle "projection city" is absolutely spot on. Or perhaps "bitter and twisted".

Domestic - I disagree about medical threads. People are often told to seek urgent medical advice but in proportion. I've never seen a thread where a lot of people advocate an ambulance tbh.

Imperial I wasn't saying that she should have put up with th enoise, just that no-one was advocating that she go round in the morning for a chat after being threatened. The advice to do that was given before she went round and was met with abuse.
In her shoes, there would have been several options depending on her normal relationship with the neighbours. If it was totally out of character I would have ignored it, if it happened once in a blue moon I would go round in the morning and ask for advance warning next time, if it was a regular occurance I would have rung the police.

I think having been physically threatened for asking someone to turn the music down is a perfectly valid reason for calling the police.

You are being harassed with the threat of violence for politely asserting your right? Can't see what's hysterical about that.

I think some of the advice doled out on relationship-related threads can be a little OTT. But on balance I would rather a strident clarion call of LTB (which most posters will ignore) than a litany of people telling you to keep a stiff upper lip/think of the children etc.

There are women in situations (DV particularly) who may have totally lost track of their sense of what is normal for whom this will be a wake up call and could literally save a life. If a marriage is basically strong but going through difficulties it isn't going to be chucked away on the basis of a few overzealous instructions to LTB by strangers on the Internet.

Calling the police (on the non-emergency number) is what you are supposed to do if someone is causing a disturbance.

Even if there had been no threats, if you had asked politely and they had continued to be just as loud that would be the correct thing to do.

"Calling the police" does not mean dialling 999 and having them come round with blue lights flashing.

I've been told by police officers that it's absolutely fine to call them for loud and antisocial music/behaviour. My first call would be to the council noise department though.

Imperial I think the point was that if she had waited to have a word in the morning when they were sober, she wouldn't have been threatened in the first place.

She popped around during the night and was told she was getting her head kicked in when they were drunk. I proposed she didn't go around at all.

If someone told me they were going to kick my head in, drunk or not drunk, I would not be engaging with them any further. I have occasionally had parties, though never had any complaints from neighbours. However, if a neighbour had come round I would NEVER say anything like this, or expect any of my friends to. It is not acceptable behaviour and I would have no hestitation in calling the police in this circumstance.

The nice folks at the council noise department do usually ask if you've been round to ask the neighbours to turn the music down.

I don't see the problem with calling the police if noise is at a totally unreasonable level. happens regularly and polite requests are being repeatedly ignored.

However, I have been shocked a couple of times at advice to call the police because a mum gave her child a slap on the leg or somesuch. I don't agree with hitting children but some posters hugely overreact to one small isolated incident.