To be so fucked off

[StrawbsAndChampers]

Hi I have namechanged for this thread, im.not a regular or anything but would like to keep this post seperate from my others.

Me and my ex had been together forever and trying for a baby for years. When I got my BFP we was falling over each other in excitement and after the scans there was no stopping us, decorating the nursery, choosing names all the usual stuff first parents do. Cue my utter bewilderment when he left me for an OW when I was 8 months pregnant.

I moved in with my wonderful parents and ds was born. His father never acknowledged the fact, he has never been to see him.

Fast forward a year and me and ds are doing just fine but tonight for some reason (call it morbid curiosity) I searched for ex on facebook. I found him - posing for pictures with a new baby, looks like he had another child before ds was even a year old.

Under these pictures are comments such as 'you look like a natural' 'you look like such a brill dad' and 'baby is so lucky to have such a lovely daddy'

Dont get me wrong im glad he standing by this baby as would hate for another innocent baby to go fatherless but wtf?! How can he go from absent father to dad of the year so quickly im so annoyed and really wish I never bloody looked on facebook. Why has my poor ds drawn the short straw and not have a father figure in his life I understand hes better off without him, but still hurts.

How awful for your dd but i am sure she has a great life with you that she doesnt need him.

I searched for my dds dad once & found a photo saying 'our first date' on his new gfs page. Nothing was mentioned of the fact that i had just moved out of our marital home the same day. (and yes she knew he was married)

I disagree with some posters above who say to cut all ties and not claim CSA.

I think parents have a duty to claim CSA for their children, it is your childs money. If you are financially secure, put it away for their future, or for any problem you might come across in the future.

But good luck.

He's never going to have what you have though, is he? You should go to the CSA, even if you don't need it. He should pay whether he see's his child or not.

Ds has an absent father who thinks it's OK to see him when it suits (every 18 months or less). Ds is 14 and no longer wants to see him. I'd rather his father hadn't have bothered as it's caused nothing but stress. I have a court hearing next week about the maintenance though, I wish I'd have been a fly on the wall when he was served.

Just to check - are you sure the baby in the photos is his, and not a baby he has come to know in a sort of step-father capacity?
Horrible situation though OP.

Your baby DID NOT draw the short straw! He got you as a mummy.

My ds is 17 months never been acknowledged by his twat of a Dad who is my neighbour (have posted lots on this matter), he has 3 older children who live 4 hours away but he has them during school hols, I have to watch him with them & even playing football with another neighbours son!!! It all hurts!

You have every right to feel upset & angry. It's one thing to be rejected yourself but to have your child rejected is very hurtful. In particular those comments probably written by people who have no idea about the child he has let down!!

Hugs x

At risk of being shot down - the OW might not have known that a) he was with someone and b) he had a child. Some men are lying twats. You had a lucky escape (both of you). But looking him up on FB is not a good idea and can seem a bit stalker-ish.

He is a twat. And I absolutely don't blame you for being angry and upset. Going by your OP this is all so raw and recent for you too, it's only been a year and your head must have been taken up with adjusting to motherhood. I suspect it's only now you've got the headspace to look back to the relationship breaking up, IYSWIM.

I think you should block him on fb. Being able to look at these pics (and fucking stupid comments with them too) will only upset you. Keep your head up - you and your dc are doing just fine and you don't need this tit in your life. And yes, CSA him. Absolutely.

I agree about the financial support, even if you don't need it, save it for her university fees or something.

My DS's dad did exactly the same, OP. Together for years, planned my pregnancy, then he left for OW when I was 4 months pregnant. He chose never to see DS and take no responsibility for him whatsoever, including doing all he can to evade paying maintenance. When DS was about 1 I found out that my ex had fathered two other kids with two other women while we were together that I'd known nothing about. Some men are just lying, cheating, disgusting, pathetic wastes of oxygen. Enjoy your life with your DC and don't give the dickhead another thought.