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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws have surpassed themselves again

74 replies

LittleMilla · 20/07/2013 14:47

New baby (DS2) arrived yesterday and we're all over the moon. DH and I decided on name earlier today - Gil(bert) - and in laws have apparently expressed their dislike already. They did the same with DS1 and put loads of pressure on us to call him something else.

I'm aghast they've yet again felt the need to try and control things. DH is fuming.

What the fuck is wrong with people??!??

OP posts:
FannyMcNally · 20/07/2013 15:57

'...[they] have apparently expressed their dislike already'.

It doesn't sound like they were overtly rude to op at all, just heresay at the moment.

Enjoy your baby and don't sweat the small stuff.

IvanaCake · 20/07/2013 16:04

It seems to me that you're over reacting hugely. I don't understand why you care that they don't like the name?

MamaChubbyLegs · 20/07/2013 16:50

Tell them no, and tell them the conversation is over.

Gilbert is a lovely name. Congratulations Flowers

Now go and enjoy your baby! Smile

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola · 20/07/2013 17:25

bad I once introduced myself to a friend of a friend at a social occasion and she replied 'oh, I really hate the name Elvis'!!

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/07/2013 17:30

A colleague was recently told her name was "stupid"

It's Nia,which the woman insisted on pronouncing as Nye-uh.

Name rudeness does extend to adulthood.

BridgetBidet · 20/07/2013 18:20

Congratulations - ignore them. It's a lovely name. If you were calling him something that might embarrass him like Norbert or Derek, they might have a point but Gilbert lovely.

What is it they think you should call him?

themaltesefalcon · 20/07/2013 18:30

Oooh, great name. G.K. Chesterton was a Gilbert.

themaltesefalcon · 20/07/2013 18:31

As well as Anne of Green Gables's love interest, of course. The lovely, lovely Dr Gilbert Blythe.

themaltesefalcon · 20/07/2013 18:33

ALTHOUGH if you just call him "Gil," I'd probably assume that you were a fan of the Times food and TV critic, A.A. Gill. Nowt wrong with that, either.

Zyngaling · 20/07/2013 18:39

Don't let them know that you care that they don't like it!

They're an older generation. You don't expect them to like it. You named your baby with younger generations in mind, his, and mine.

That's what I said cheerfully to my xmil. She nearly imploded with impotent rage. She wanted me to call my son after her late husband. (not the baby's gf, her second husband)

Dominodonkey · 20/07/2013 18:49

YABU in suggesting they should not have an opinion. Gilbert is one of the super trendy old fashioned names like Ethel which most GP's would see as old men names, so you can't blame them for their opinion. I am of the same opinion as them (though Gil is nice) but both mine and their opinion is entirely irrelevant. It is completely unacceptable for them to have tried to put pressure on you to change your older son's name or to try and change this one. It is up to you and DP. Surely if you ignore them they will stop.

SplitHeadGirl · 20/07/2013 18:54

I LOVE the name Gil(bert). Very Anne of Green Gables...kind, smart, thoughtful, gallant, chivalrous, polite, sensitive...these are all the things I think when I hear that name!!!!

Bravo good choice!!!!

monkeymamma · 20/07/2013 19:43

Lovely name. Our head boy was a Gilbert when I started high school and he was dreamy (swoon). And a lovely person to boot. My DPs expressed some reservations about Ds's name when he was born, but I just made it into a jokey thing and now it's forgotten. In fact my DM was saying what a nice unusual name it is the other day! Enjoy your little Bertie and don't worry about what anyone else says. But it sounds like the is more back story here? What happened with your dc1's name?

Original poster
LittleMilla · 20/07/2013 19:43

Thanks for messages of support - I'm just so pissed off after they were so badly behaved when ds1 came. To the point that dh had some cross words with their insensitivity.

Throughout my pg I've told them that they won't like the name, but in a very jokey way to try and avoid this. I actually feel sorry for dh as he's just disappointed that they'd be so rude again. Opinions are fine and choosing slightly quirky names I don't expect everyone to love it. But to be told they're embarrassed it tell people the name and actively ask us to choose something else is unacceptable.

They're coming here tomorrow and I know that dh has already said that they won't be welcome if they say anything unkind. We'll see if fil manages to hold his tongue. I'm goings smile sweetly at anything said.

Right, I'm off to sniff my newborn and try to persuade my toddler that it really IS bedtime now!

OP posts:
MamaBear17 · 20/07/2013 20:56

They are being rude and I completely understand why you are upset. My parents and my inlaws were both very vocal about the names we threw up when I was pregnant with DD. We quickly stopped discussing names with them because they were all making a tough job even harder by being so negative about the names we liked. My MIL wasnt too keen on DD's middle name (which we told her after we had named DD) but didnt say much because it was FIL's mums name and she passed away when DH was very little. Everyone else loved it but MIL mentioned, just once and in a kind way, that she was surprised that we had chosen it because it is an old fashioned name. It was obvious that she didn't like it, but she was very nice and polite and respected why we chose it. I honestly do not know what either sets of grandparents think to my dd's first name because they have only ever been complimentary, which is how it should be. I hope they like it, but if they dont, I dont want to know!
If they say anything about the name tomorrow just smile and say 'oh well, you will just have to get used to it wont you?' and then change the subject. Congratulations btw!

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/07/2013 21:24

OP

I've changed my mind. A simple "I don't like it" is one thing, saying things like "I'm embarrassed to tell people what you've called the baby" would get my back up big time. I can understand why you are not at all happy with them.

Ignore them though. They are being silly and rude. In 5 years time they will probably flat out deny ever saying such a thing because Gil(bert) will be their much loved grandson who they couldn't imagine being called anything else.

Ignore them and enjoy your new baby.

Madeyemoodysmum · 20/07/2013 21:24

What's eating Gilbert grape. Is one of my fav films ever so I say he is in good company. Congratulations.

PGRated · 20/07/2013 21:28

Congrats! I think you have picked a lovely name. Politely remind the ILs that he is your son not theirs and that they have had their turn to name their own children. Sounds harsh but this is something I had to do with mine. Nip it in the bud and move on to enjoy your lovely children.

Kneedeepinshittynappies · 20/07/2013 21:35

Ignore, ignore, ignore! My dsis used the "embarrassed" line when we toyed with Vincent for ds. Was first child and I ended up really paranoid and whilst the name we chose I'd the end is lovely I do sometimes wish I'd stuck to my guns and dh definately has name regret! With dd we just stuck it out, don't like it? tough shit that's a shame!

HappySeven · 20/07/2013 21:36

I love the name but I'm very fond of my great uncle who was also called that.

My family's reaction to our DD's name was 'Esther?? As in Rantzen??' They got over it and so will your in-laws.

Keep smiling and let it wash over you.

SplitHeadGirl · 20/07/2013 21:43

I named my daughter Cadhla - pronounced Kyla, and in Gaelic Irish (I'm Irish) means a beauty that can only be expressed through poetry. I fell in love with it straight away....especially the meaning!!!

My mum heard it, and said 'Oooh, I am not sure about that!!' Like it was her decision!!!!!

My daughter is SO a Cadhla.....she looks, talks, sings, acts, IS a Cadhla!! The name suits her so well....so my advice is to go with the gorgeous name Gilbert and stuff anyone with a problem!!!

YellowDinosaur · 20/07/2013 22:39

We were chatting about possible names for ds2 with mil. We had 2 we liked. When we mentioned one of them she said 'ooh I hate that if you call him that I don't think I could love him' to which my response was 'don't be so ridiculous you don't decide whether you love someone or not because of their name!'

We didn't use it in the end as dh wasn't really sold on it but her reaction actually made me more keen (which isn't necessarily a good thing!)

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/07/2013 22:41

Split

I never knew before reading your post that Kyla was actually an anglicised Gaelic name! Every day is a school day. Lovely name Smile

SplitHeadGirl · 20/07/2013 22:59

Alis....thanks a bunch!!! Yip, it is gorgeous, and I just love the meaning. Smile

Thisisme123 · 20/07/2013 23:05

Congrats OP. 11 weeks to go for me!

We've just been discussing the choosing of names with ILs (although not our chosen names themselves) and MIL made it clear that she would be vocal If she didn't like what we chose. I responded by making it clear that I would find that unacceptably, unforgivably rude.

It's one thing not to like a name, it's another thing entirely to express what you're thinking.

I hope that you and DH are able to express strongly how rude and hurtful they are being if they brin it up again.