Today my friend took her top off in a public place - to 'make a stand against all the men doing it' - and got told off! AIBU to think... I'm a total hypocrite/shit friend?

[WhistlingNun]

I was out shopping with my friend today and we got ranting chatting about all the topless men walking around, and how annoyed i was that i got berated the other day by a complete stranger for letting 5yo dd take her top off (another story) - when my friend suddenly declared she'd had enough of it.

We stopped to get some ice cream and went to sit on a bench so she could feed her baby ds, too. Anyway, she took her whole top off, and she wanted me to bet with her how long it would take for someone to pull her up for fully exposing herself. She knew it was going to happen, and sort of seemed to be looking forward to it.

Anyway, I'm ashamed to say i was mortified. We were getting tons of looks. She stopped feeding her ds, put him back in his pram and sat for a few minutes with her top still off. She started waving at people who were looking at her and asking them if they wanted a picture.

Again, i was mortified and wanted the ground to swallow me whole. The more i asked her to put her top back on/cover up a bit, the more she laughed and seemed to determined to keep it off. She suggested we get up and continue shopping - i told her no chance until she puts her boobs away.

Anyway, we sat for a while longer and a man wearing a fluorescent coat came up (think he was a council worker as i could see his name badge a little) and said my friend ought to 'get dressed before she gets into trouble'.

Anyway, i found myself apologising. And i then pleaded with my friend to do what he said as she was really embarrassing me (still waving to everyone looking at her).

She accused me of having double standards. Why is it okay for the men to waltz about with their nipples showing, but not her? Why would i let my dd walk around with no top on the other day without embarrassment, but cringe when friend does it? etc etc. She said she's shocked by my attitude and that i'm not the confident person she thought i was.

Anyway, on reflection i feel i was being entirely unreasonable. I should have supported her. Especially after the humiliation of getting pulled up the other day because i'd let my daughter take her top off.

She had a huge rant about the council worker on FB and got lots of support from other women that she should have got up and carried on shopping with no top on. But then some people are saying she could have gotten 'done' for indecent exposure.

Anyway... i feel i ought to go round tomorrow and apologise. But at the same time, i think she was doing the waving and saying hello to the starers because she knew it was making me squirm.

Should we both apologise? Am i just a big fat hypocrite?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

She's conflating two separate issues... Supporting the ideal vs the embarrassment of being suddenly in that situation and with your daughter.

[TimeofChange]

If she was on a beach it would have been fine, but it's a bit mental to walk round the town centre with bosoms hanging out.

I would have to have walked away.

Surely to goodness equality doesn't mean women are going to go topless in public places.

It's bad enough seeing half maked men with boobs.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Some African cultures mock western ideas that breasts are sexual, comparing western men to babies. So it's not a universal truth that breasts are sexual.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

A Friend of mine made a similar stand in the US (Florida) by sunbathing topless. She was asked to put her top on and replied 'that man has bigger tits than me, why don't you ask him to?'. In the end a policeman came over and she did as she was told. Crazy though, she was on a beach FFS.

[Wuxiapian]

I would have been mortified, too, OP.

She should have more respect for herself and her baby - let alone everyone else.

[pictish]

She sounds like an exhibitionist. I wouldn't do what she did...even though I actually agree with her and am not embarrassed at all by the sight of people's bodies. Men with their tops off don't bother me at all...I hear a lot of meaning about it but I think people ought to mind their own, and not worry about it.

I'm not an exhibitionist though, so no way would I be sitting on a bench with my tits out.

In your position it's difficult, because she was being antagonistic, and who needs that? I don't think you need to apologise for not wanting to be cast in her big production!
She brought hassle to you both, despite you telling her you were not comfortable with it. That's not cool.

[SuperiorCat]

I admire your friend as I agree with her but wouldn't be as brave.

However her behaviour made you fell uncomfortable which was a little unfair. If you want to retain the friendship explain and apologise.

[oohdaddypig]

I like the sound of your friend.

[Sallystyle]

I would be happy for it to be illegal for both sexes to walk around topless unless on a beach.


Breasts are sexual, of course their main purpose is milk but but they are sexual too. Mens chests shouldn't be seen.

Instead of it being acceptable for women to walk around topless it should be unacceptable for both sexes to do so.

Your friend put you in a bad position and I think that was shitty of her.

[pictish]

Mens chests shouldn't be seen?

Whyever not?

[specialsubject]

There's nothing wrong with any part of any human body - but convention in this country is covered nipples except in bed, bath, beach or pool.

As a matter of interest does anyone know the actual legal position in the UK?

[floatyflo]

Hear hear to your friend. I highly admire her!

I believe men and women should both have to cover up or both be allowed to walk around topless. Not one rule for one, and another for the other!

I'm disappointed in myself for not having the balls to be as brave as her!

[NachoAddict]

I agree with your friend but I would have been embarrassed too.

Can't breasts be both sexual and for making milk. One doesn't exclude the other.

[neunundneunzigluftballons]

Breasts are breast-shaped because apes began walking on two legs buttocks stopped being a conveniently-placed sexual stimulus.

I won't say anything about breastfeeding in public because all of mn can't be wrong but breasts are the way they are because of sex.

I'll send a postcard from Argentina...

Where breastfeeding is the norm particularily into childhood this tends not to be the case me thinks it was probably a non breast feeding exposed scientist who came up with that theory plus lots of breast feeding mammals from apes species have larger breasts when feeding.

[Morloth]

She sounds excellent.

I am socially conditioned enough that I probably would have felt uncomfortable as well. But that is the problem not her breasts.

Is stupid that it is OK for men and not women. It can't be law surely?

[GobblersKnob]

Agree floatyflo, though tbh would be happier if it were just decreed that all should be covered.

Am more than happy for anyone to have anything they like out on the beach or similar, but don't think anyone should be walking topless around a town or supermarket, it's just grim.

[MamaMary]

In parts of Africa, where I've been, many women of all ages go around in public topless. Interestingly, the men don't.

Which proves it's purely a cultural thing.

[FeckOffCup]

In your position it's difficult, because she was being antagonistic, and who needs that? I don't think you need to apologise for not wanting to be cast in her big production

I agree with this, it sounds like your friend was enjoying making you squirm more than making her actual point about double standards (which I agree with but in the sense that I don't think men or women should be allowed to walk round shopping centres topless).

[Sallyingforth]

Breasts are designed for one purpose only - feeding babies. The sexual thing is purely cultural, and not universal.

In Victorian times it was considered sexual to show womens' legs, but we laugh at that now. Again it was purely cultural, and cultures change.

Not so long ago it was considered outrageous for British women to bare their breasts on beaches at home or abroad, now it's commonplace and rightly so. I hope it will soon be the case that we can walk topless down the High Street if we choose - in the current weather I resent having to put a shirt on to go down to the corner shop.

[digerd]

In hot weather, it is cooler to go braless but wear a top that is loose and wafts in the breeze which cools the ski , as I have been doing
< not a see through top though>. Nipples with sunburn, no thank you!

[digerd]

skin

[ChunkyPickle]

Women's chests are sexual, and mens aren't? Am I the only one that sees half naked men used to advertise to women then? Plenty of people find mens chests attractive!

Personally I'd prefer that neither men nor women wander around town with their tops off (too much sweaty skin), but if men can, I don't see why women can't.

Your friend was very brave - even if it was just for attention - and embarrassment on your part was a completely normal reaction, which is what her taking her top off was challenging.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

I think your friend is awesome! Fair play to her, I say! If she has the body confidence to do this to make a stand then why shouldn't she.

I think you need to apologise for your 'double standards' and just say you were embarrassed by the shouting and exhibition-ism. Perhaps if she'd sat still and carried on and not attracted the attention by shouting at the gawpers maybe you wouldn't have felt so humiliated. Men don't walk round without their tops on shouting and cajoling passers-by, do they?

I wish I had the body confidence and a good set of tits to do this. It would make a great point. I could even carry a sign around with me stating what I was doing to stop people asking.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

And I also should have said there that I don't think your embarrassment was misplaced. You had every right to feel uncomfortable but I think you are mixing up the discomfort with the breasts and with the shoulting, iykwim.

[ImperialBlether]

I can't believe all these people saying the topless friend was great for doing that. She sounds unhinged to me. If she'd gone topless on a beach, that's one thing but to breastfeed your baby then take your top off on a bench in a shopping centre? I wouldn't be going shopping with her again!