to think he needs to grow up

[opilo]

Have namechanged because I might be excommunicated if my family found out I was posting about this

My brother has finished university this year and is currently looking for a job. He has had 4 interviews in the last couple of weeks and unfortunately he got all 4 rejections in the space of a hour this morning. Since this apparantly he has hidden in his room all day crying. My sister sat and held him for 2 hours whilst I was there tonight until he went to sleep. I said he needs to grow up and not be so thin skinned and that this might be holding him back as no employer wants someone so mentally weak. My sister went ballistic and told be to STFU and that I'm a heartless bitch who will destroy any self belief he has left.

AIBU to think that he needs to accept he is now 21 yo and take a major reality check accepting that in the current climate he is going to have accept rejection when it comes to jobs and not blub for hours on end to his 26yo sister.

[wonderingsoul]

And I agree.. 4 rejections in an hour would make any one cry.. strong minded or not

[MrsKeithRichards]

Yabu, where's your heart?

[Eilidhbelle]

How has it impacted on your life at all? You're not the one who sat with him for 2 hours! You're being really unreasonable and horrible.

I was rejected for my perfect job a couple of years ago WITHOUT even getting an interview and I was gutted. I honestly thought I ticked every box, it was just a matter of going through the motions before they handed it to me. If my family and DH had been like you, it would have been ten times worse.

[Flojobunny]

YANBU, a grown man crying in his room all day, needing his sister there til he falls asleep, weird.

[Bogeyface]

Yes he should have been onto them, but he has been hit hard. What difference will one day make?

He is 21 FFS, give him a break! As I said above, you grow a thick skin because of things like this, this is his first experience of it. Next time he will be a bit more stoic, and so on.

[Fakebook]

OP, yanbu! I'm perplexed by the above comments!

He's graduated from university with a degree yes? He should know that he is capable of finding something good. Crying in your room for the whole day because of 4 rejections is ott. Unless the employers ridiculed and belittled him in the rejection notices, he's being a bit silly.

Seeing as you're the one thinking straight right now, why don't you tell him to phone up/email all the employers who rejected him and ask them why they did it and what he could change about himself during interviews. I think he may be coming across as needy.

[MrsOakenshield]

he will have toughened up in 6 months time, that's where he'll be! For goodness' sake. Tomorrow is another day, save the harsh realities till then.

"I think he may be coming across as needy". Or perhaps, there's a trillion other graduates going for every job and he's about to realize that his degree is not the passport to instantaneous job satisfaction that a lot of people have let him believe. If you have 50% of people (or whatever it is) going to uni when 50% of jobs are not degree level, there are going to be a lot of disappointed graduates around.

[Eilidhbelle]

Definitely DON'T get him to email or phone for feedback when he's still upset. He won't come across well, he might look bitter or angry and if all the jobs he's applying for are in the same sector then word gets round really quickly.

[pictish]

I think everyone is allowed an off day.

Having to stay there till he fell asleep is icky though.

[Turniptwirl]

Yabu

You don't have to be supportive sis but neither do you have to be so horrible! Poor lad has probably never had this experience before, he doesn't need you making him feel worse! If you can't do tea and sympathy that's fine but either stay away or give constructive, practical help and support like practice interview technique, proofread his cv, see if you can get him work experience where you work.

[BiscuitDunker]

YABU! He's young,he had 4 rejections in the space of an hour,he's probably in a mound of student debt,probably wondering how he's going to pay it all off if he can't get a job,he probably thought that getting a job would be easy,he probably expected to get offered at least one of the four jobs,he's probably just moved back home after being at uni so missing his mates and support network there,so yes he is probably feeling incredibly emotional and its all come flooding out today. There's nothing wrong with that.

On the other hand,yes he will need to grow a thicker skin,and he probably will given time,and yes sobbing for hours on end does seem like an over reaction if it is all over the jobs,but I very much doubt that it is just the 4 rejections that he's crying over,perhaps if you actually made the effort and talked to him you'd find out.

Your comment about him being "mentally weak" was completely out of order and uncalled for and makes you sound like a complete bitch so I'm not surprised your sister went nuts at you! She probably knows all the reasons why your brother is crying because she's bothered to make an effort to talk to him and comfort him,unlike you. To say your brother probably didn't get a job because he's "mentally weak" is ridiculous and nasty,somehow I don't think he sat in his interviews crying his eyes out or playing hard done by or acting like he may burst into tears if anyone were to say something unkind to or about him at work,infact I'd imagine he was a complete professional and very composed and answered every question in the correct manner so he would of hardly come across as "mentally weak" or "thin skinned"!

I'd suggest you apologise to your sister,brother and the rest of your family for your comments and accept the fact that what you said was very nasty and there was no need for it. Then perhaps work on your own people skills and family relations and go have a conversation with your brother about his life without being a complete bitch about it!

[Lazyjaney]

I hope others treat you as well as you treat them.

[squoosh]

You sound a bit harsh, four rejections in one hour would bring anyone down.

BUT...............

............your sister holding him for two hours till he fell asleep? at 21? Absolutely bloody ridiculous, what is to be gained by babying him? NOTHING. You should all have sat out in the back garden together, had a couple of beers and given him a bit of perspective and encouragement.

[Flobbadobs]

Why is being supported by your big sister weird and 'icky'? Fgs it was one day. Give the bloke a break, don't let him wallow tomorrow, try and be nice - advise him on feedback, help him tweak his CV, point him in the direction of reputable temp agencies, in short do something useful instead of slagging him off. Or ask your sister to do it if you're incapable of being nice to your own brother.
My Dad is a brick wall of a man. When he was made redundant after 30 years he applied for, and got turned down for around 70 jobs before he got a break and a job he loves. Would you condemn him for being mentally weak because he had a breakdown? Because I can assure you he is no such thing.
Still YABU.

[ConfusedPixie]

Agree with squoosh. You since harsh, your sister sounds ott.

And what is it with infantilising 20-odd year olds?! Not long ago I was that age and was trying to find work, got rejected over 100 times in a few months. You cry, maybe moan a bit, then pick yourself up, brush yourself down and get ready for the next bit. It is boost difficult being rejected, but you can't hide in your room all day crying and have another adult stay with you to sleep

[raisah]

It would have been more useful to have given him practical advice rather than the useless criticism thst you gave him.

I work in the HE sector so the advice I would give him is this:

• get feedback after interviews
  
• contact his university careers service to get help with CVs & applications & mock interviews
  
• volunteer in the industry he is interested in to gain contacts & experience
  
• sign up for a temping agency like Brook St, Manpower etc to gain transferable skills in a variety of roles. It is easier to go from job to job than from being unemployed to a job. He will get to kniw what he likes job wise & dislikes too.
  
• must think creatively to get job/industry that you want. For eg, if wanting a legal or accountancy job apply to the legal/finance dept of large firms rather than the big accountany/legal firms as the competition will be less fierce.

[ilovesooty]

If you can't do tea and sympathy that's fine but either stay away or give constructive, practical help and support like practice interview technique, proofread his cv, see if you can get him work experience where you work

Agree up to a point but his CV/letters must be OK as he's getting interviews. Also, on the evidence so far I don't think that the OP proofreading his CV is a good idea.

[ConfusedPixie]

Bloody difficult, not boost. I do sympathise for him but that reaction is a bit extreme. As is op's. Nice middle ground is needed!

[EarthtoMajorTom]

YANBU - had the guy not noticed what the job market for graduates is?!! Tell him it's going to get worse before it gets better and welcome to the real world!

[BonaDrag]

What the fuck did it have to do with you? You may think you're strong, but I reckon a strong person would have been much kinder.

[imademarion]

I'm with the OP, she sounds tough but practical.

Cuddling all day in the dark till you pass out hiccoughing won't get you a job in this climate. Or any other for that matter.

If his self esteem is so very fragile, she may have a point.

Employers want the best and that includes resilience.

There's been some excellent advice in this thread, amongst the bleedy-heart stuff. I hope your brother takes it.

Four rejections is hardly the end of the world now, is it?

[opilo]

I just don't see how a person can expect to work in a graduate role when they react in such an infantile way when things go wrong.

[Flobbadobs]

He has one bad day and he's infantile? Nice...

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Yanbu! He sounds very immature.