to think he needs to grow up

[opilo]

Have namechanged because I might be excommunicated if my family found out I was posting about this

My brother has finished university this year and is currently looking for a job. He has had 4 interviews in the last couple of weeks and unfortunately he got all 4 rejections in the space of a hour this morning. Since this apparantly he has hidden in his room all day crying. My sister sat and held him for 2 hours whilst I was there tonight until he went to sleep. I said he needs to grow up and not be so thin skinned and that this might be holding him back as no employer wants someone so mentally weak. My sister went ballistic and told be to STFU and that I'm a heartless bitch who will destroy any self belief he has left.

AIBU to think that he needs to accept he is now 21 yo and take a major reality check accepting that in the current climate he is going to have accept rejection when it comes to jobs and not blub for hours on end to his 26yo sister.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

*doesnt preclude...

[Alisvolatpropiis]

special

Having food,shelter and people who love you preclude you from feeling upset.

[LessMissAbs]

I think I know where you're coming from OP. A lot of us have been there - with job rejections, periods of unemployment, stuck in crap jobs, etc.. Crying all day is a bit of an over-reaction and quite attention seeking. Things like this can get you down but crying for a whole day is rather extreme. I'd be concerned that how your DB is going to react if he does get a job and has a bad day at work.

When I think back to my flatmates when we were in a similar situation after graduation - we were all living away from home, one of them from abroad, supporting ourselves with crappy part time jobs and you've just got to get on with it and use it as a learning experience. But from what my friends now in this situation and who are still students tell me, it is the men who need to toughen up and be more independent and not expect just to walk into a perfect job without experiencing a lot of ups and downs on the way.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Yabu, poor guy!!!
Bet you would cry too if it was you, men are allowed to cry too ya know

[Mckayz]

My god you sound like a bitch.

He was upset, people are allowed to be upset you know.

[MurderOfGoths]

"does he have food? Does he have shelter? does he have people who love him? is he healthy? so why is he blubbing for hours?"

Because he's upset, didn't realise there was a point system for when you are able to cry.

[FruitSaladIsNotPudding]

He does sound a bit wet tbh. Being upset, fair enough, but sobbing for hours?

I hope he picks himself up and carries on. Experiences like this can make people stronger in the long run. Perhaps suggest things he can do to improve his cv - work experience?

[HooverFairy]

My god, the poor lad got 4 rejections in the space of an hour! He's 21, he hasn't experienced much 'life' yet and he's found out the hard way how cruel it can be. OP, you're awful! Give him a few days to sort himself out, support him through it and then next time he's rejected he'll find it easier.

If my brother was suffering like that there's no way I'd act like such a bitch about it. It sounds like you have some jealousy issues.

[specialsubject]

cry for a bit, then realise nobody died and move on.

if this is the worst that happens to him he'll be lucky. Howling like a baby all day isn't on at 21, regardless of gender.

does he have food? Does he have shelter? does he have people who love him? is he healthy? so why is he blubbing for hours?

[MurderOfGoths]

"Men should be allowed to cry, in fact I wish more would because I am convinced not being allowed to show feelings as its perceived as weak is bad for them."

Apparently not. :(

To me it seems like a good thing that he is able to voice his feelings and cry, rather than this stiff upper lip bullshit. Keeping it all in just because of people like the OP is a recipe for disaster. Let him have an off day and cry it out, then he'll be more likely to get on with it. Trying to get him to hide his natural emotions will just keep them bubbling under.

What is the harm in him crying and spending time dealing with it in private? If he was crying in front of potential employers then that would be different. He should feel safe to cry in his own home surely?

[SoniaGluck]

Crying yourself to sleep in your sister's arms seems really weird to me.

I bet he didn't really. It totally sounds like over egging on the OP's part.

We all deal with rejection and disappointment differently. I'm a crier. I cry a lot, get it out of my system and then move on. But I suppose that's OK because I don't have a willy

I thought we'd moved on from all that 'boys don't cry' crap

[JackieTheFart]

I'm kind of with the OP.

Crying yourself to sleep in your sister's arms seems really weird to me.

When I graduated, I didn't get a job for four months and only had one interview . I was just rejected by every other place I applied to.

I cried, and went to the doctor because I was getting really low. Maybe I'm just not as emotional as the brother, same as the OP?

Don't know really.

[headinhands]

The thing is it's probably not just the rejections. It's the whole big change thing he's reacting to. He's probably just had his graduation ceremony no? There will be a lot going on in his head and right now it all all seems like an overwhelming anticlimax and the job situation was just the last straw. He just needs a bit of friendly support and understanding like we all do and he'll be fine.

[IAmNotACaterpillar]

You know what? I graduated first time round 20 something(!) years ago. I STILL have nightmares about that final year, especially around exam season. He will have been working his socks off to get his degree I bet, so will be both physically and mentally exhausted.

On top of this, he's applying for jobs, worrying about his student debt and got rejected 4 times in the same of an hour. I'd cry too!

He cried in the privacy of his room, with his supportive big sister. No doubt, with the loving support of his family, he will pick himself up, dust himself down and try again. And again. And again. Until he lands himself a job. He's had a bad day, give him a break and help him believe in himself. Don't put him down because of how he reacted to a horrible situation.

In case you haven't grasped - I think you were YABU. But it's hot and everyone's cranky. So make your brother a nice cuppa today, go through the jobs pages with him and play nice!

[Khaleasy]

YABVU. 4 rejections in the space of an hour is awful, especially to someone who is probably experiencing this for the first time.
I'm sorry but you sound nasty.
If he'd been moping for weeks then it would be different, but a couple of hours is acceptable.

[RosieSupposesHerToesiesAreRose]

YABU. I think the biggest disservice done to young people today is telling them how employable they are rather than giving them a healthy dose of reality - to find out that your degree does not automatically set you apart and to face what could be several months of unemployment with a stonking student debt is a huge shock to the system.

He sounds like he's had a shock and you were being both catty, unsympathetic (too secure in your own job, forgotten how tough it is?) and unsupportive.

[headinhands]

Eek. Please don't talk to your db if you're likely to say anything like you did in your post. Your db has been in fulltime education for 16 years. Finishing his degree signals huge changes for him. I expect things will settle down soon enough as he gets used to job hunting. And to be fair, even at 41 years of age I'd probably lock myself in my room for a cry if I had 4 rejections within 60 minutes.

[ConfusedPixie]

Flobba: I meant it in reference to the plenty of times on here I see people saying "They are only 20-odd", yes, they may be in their 20's, but they are adults and need to live in the adult world, many of us on here are under 25 and on many occasions I've seen people saying that they are only 24, my age, as an excuse for whatever it is when actually, at 24 many of you were parents and running houses whilst holding down a career. By excusing them because of their age we're treating them like children, infantilising adults who need to learn that the real world can be fucking shit at times.

There is a balance between being sensitive and being tough, the OP is at one extreme and her sister is at the other, neither of which is going to help this young adult get himself together and get through it.

[LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning]

IME many graduates have unrealistically high expectations of their first job/chances of getting a job.

[NoComet]

And I was a 40 year old woman, married for 20 years with two children and the cow of an interviewer still reduced me to tears.

Some people can just scribble formulaic shit on a 100 aplication forms and some people invest a huge amount of emotional energy in each and only apply for jobs they want.

I know who I'd rather have working for me or as my collegue and it's not the OP.

[thispunderfullife]

Man up is an incredibly sexist phrase. Loaded with innuendo about what a 'real man' is.

[AKAK81]

Yanbu absolutely pathetic. He's a 21 year old man ffs, not a 5 year old girl. Time to mtfu.

[NoComet]

Just fuck off OP, I'm a long term SAHM mum and not getting the perfect job I could have done round the DCs still hurts and always will.