I have a friend who is a genuinely nice person but she is exhausting to spend time with. She has chronically low self-esteem and is the sort of person who can only make a decision after she has run it past everyone she knows. I don't see as much of her IRL as we live further apart now so a lot of our friendship is conducted via phone, email or Facebook. I feel as though I come away from every interaction drained with my head spinning!
To give a current example: she has been invited to a hen party/day. The hen is mainly a friend of her DP but my friend does know her and has done for several years, likewise some of the other women going. The plan is a spa day for the females in the party then an evening meal/drinks with the stag and his mates. My friend can't decide whether to go to the day time spa thing or not. Without going into loads of detail that might out her, she has come up with a list of - IMO - perfectly valid reasons not to go. Her DP is disappointed that she doesn't want to go for the whole day and has offered to pay for her (one of her reasons for not going is the expense; she could afford it in the sense of it wouldn't leave her struggling to pay the bills/buy food but there are other things she would rather spend the money on, which again is fair enough). He's not controlling, but he is concerned that she is becoming a bit of a hermit, again linked to her self-esteem, and doesn't want her to just dismiss the idea out of hand because it is new/scary/different, which is what she tends to do. Equally, she has the perfect right to say "no, I don't fancy it".
We had a loooong FB message session last night (nearly as long as this post 
) in which, because her DP has made an offer which negates one of her reasons not to go, she started to doubt all her other reasons. I reassured her that her views were still perfectly valid, which led to her saying "but why would he think like that then?" I did suggest she ask him why it's important to him that she goes, and I made a few suggestions as to reasons I could think of, knowing him a little as I do. Every idea I put forward was met with "But..." So I reiterated again she would have to ask him herself. Eventually I had to pretend I'd had a pizza delivered as an excuse to end the 'conversation'.
Today I had a text from her saying that the person organised has suggested the others all chip in to pay for the bride. She's quite taken aback by this; I replied saying this was normal IME and gave an example of paying for the "guest of honour" at a birthday meal I'd been to. Her response was "wow, I must be really crap because no-one outside family has ever offered to pay for me". I replied pointing out that a) just because she hasn't encountered something that is normal procedure to others, it doesn't automatically make her crap and b) by her own admission she never goes out with anyone other than family so she won't have experienced it!
I've now had to put my phone away for a bit because I am already feeling that sinking feeling at the thought of having to prop her up and reassure her again. That sounds awful, doesn't it? 
I stress again that she is lovely, kind-hearted etc and this isn't done in an overtly self-pitying way or fishing for compliments, it's just as if she gets so sucked inside her own head and hung up on her own thoughts and is constantly looking for validation that what she is thinking is 'normal' (whatever 'normal means) or for advice on what she should do, which she then usually ends up arguing back against whatever I advise.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking here, I think I just needed to let it out. I'm drained because of her, and feeling guilty for feeling that way. She is such a sweet person but so needy. Am I a bitch for feeling so exhausted by our friendship? (Possibly not as exhausted as anyone who reads to the end of this tome 
)