When cultures Clash..I refuse to give my father-in-laws name to my son.

[orangebee1]

Ladies, last week i delivered twins, one boy and one girl. My husband is Greek and tradition here dictates that the grandson must be named after the grandfather.
I am English and it's unthinkable to me that i can't choose my son's name. I am happy to have the grandfather's name (Yiorgos) as a middle name, but certainly not the first one and am insisting that my huband and i find a name we BOTH want.

I delivered by c-section and after two days (when i was still in the hospital recovering!) what should have been a joyous occasion turned into tears and arguments over the name choices - i wrote the names my husband and i had agreed on on facebook and his family saw and all hell broke lose.

My husband was so taken upset by his family's reaction, he was crying and distressed and finally changed his mind about the names.

As yet the babies are unamed and referred to as "the boy" and "the girl".
His sister says to me "you have three children now, what is it to name one of them after the grandfather - he has only one life and waited all of it until this day for his name to be passed on".

Am i being unreasonable??? Would you name your child a name you really do not like at all to keep the peace???

[googlyeyes]

V good point re the grandmothers.

It really is all about sexism.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Yanbu

And it's really OK to admit you are a feminist

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

.

[Nassau]

Anybody else thinking of the scene in 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' where Toula's father is introducing the 'family' to Ian's parents? ... And these are their children Anita, Diane and Nick. ... And their children Anita, Diane and Nick. Nick, Nick, Nicki, Diane, Anita, Nick, Anita etc
m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F

[coraltoes]

call you DD Yiorgis and really stick it to them

[HaveIGotPoosForYou]

I'd say middle name or not at all.

Don't get me wrong tradition is lovely to stick to but both parents need to want to keep it that way. Having his name in their somewhere is a nice tribute to him and not shrugging off his name.

I can't see why someone would keep pushing it. Really your DH should've informed his parents a while back this was going to be the case, so they didn't get their hopes up but what is done is done.

He does need to tell them though that it's not disrespect to his father but that you have your heart set on a different name. But you are perfectly happy to have Yiorges as a middle name if he feels he'd still like his name to be in their somewhere?

As far as the sister is concerned I presume she is going to name her DC after her father? So at least her father wont feel let down that he doesn't have any GCs with that name.

Sorted, really.

[thegreylady]

I have three 'first names' and have been known by the third all my life.It has never been a problem.I have always introduced mysely as name3 and all schools were given that as my preferred name.People didn't even know my other names unless I told them.
I'd go for putting grandad's name first but using the second name from the beginning.

[diddl]

I'd also say middle name as a compromise.

His tradition isn't more important & he'd already agreed not to.

[Jan49]

How come grandmothers don't look forward all their lives to their granddaughter being named after her?

Perhaps some do. The friend I posted about above was expected to name the first girl and first boy after the grandparents.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

will the granddad have access to the birth certificate? Can't you just say you've called him Yiorgos but want him known as the name you like? How will they know that isn't true?

[EagleRiderDirk]

I have two DCs, and me and OH have different family traditions. His is for 2 middle names, and mine is having the middle name of John (if you're a boy of course, my family aren't that cruel!). Thankfully these things don't clash particularly but DD has both her grandmother's names as middle names and DS has his paternal grandfathers and John. I sometimes feel a little guilty that my DF is the only one that hasn't been named in view of his family's tradition.

YANBU OP, you made this clear from the get go. Its not a sudden hormonal change. I've had years of family arguments because a child was named Jim Bob rather than Bob Jim for example. AFAIC they can all go whistle!

[orangebee1]

Yes Talkative Jim - this is exactly how i feel, it's like being bullied, especially the fact it started when i was still in the hospital struggling on my own there to recover from the c-section - it was a tough time already and then to have all this drama. I was so stressed and could not sleep and consequently my breast milk has gone - totally GONE. And i feel now, after the way they reacted, i absolutely do not want to have the grandfather's name there, i feel disgusted by it. But i love my husband so much, and i don't want to see him suffer because of it. So tough to know what to do...

[samandi]

YANBU, how stupid. Personally I believe that as she did the hard work the mother gets final say on kids' names. Certainly wouldn't be naming a kid after a grandfather automatically. But then, this kind of thing is precisely why I would never have kids with someone from a different culture.

[hermioneweasley]

It is ok to be a feminist!

I think the point about your father is perfectly valid.

My father had a huge sulk because I wouldn't have my son circumcised as is"traditional" in our family. As other mnetters well no doubt say, "no" is a complete sentence.

[MrsSparkles]

Imperial in my DHs country first born boys are named after the fathers father, and first born girls after the mothers mother. Luckily we had a girl first, and my mum said no thanks!

We're hoping BIL has a baby boy before we do because then we'll be excused from naming him - there are already 3 people in the family with the same name - v confusing!

[diddl]

No, it isn't tough to know what to do.

You both agreed that your son would not be called FILs name.

How will your husband suffer?

Your husband needs to tell them to stop bullying.

How many siblings does he have-maybe they'll do it?

Or must all boys be named after FIL?

[MrsSparkles]

Posted too soon! OP try to have a calm chat with your husband - easier said than done ,you must be exhausted - and remind him what you agreed and how you are feeling about it.

It may be that he agreed before but having seen DS suddenly felt it would be really important to things, we are all entitled to change our minds sometimes.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

'call you DD Yiorgis and really stick it to them'

[EagleRiderDirk]

Hahahaha love the idea of calling your DD Yiorgis instead

[burberryqueen]

the thing is it might cause such a massive rift and a huge problem for your husband with his family - at least it is Yiorgos and not eg Stavros....

[MarshaBrady]

I'm not surprised you feel bullied and manipulated.

I wouldn't use it. No way.

[Backpaw]

I would be so tempted to say 'yes, we've named him after his grandpa - meet little Wilfred. (Or whatever your dad is called). I'm surprised that your DH didn't know what a stink this would kick up.

Where DH is from you just don't name a baby after a living relative! We almost gave DS a middle name after his grandpa - it's like saying someone is dead basically. He did see the funny side and made a big joke of it! We didn't go for it after all!

[Lottapianos]

Oh I really feel for you OP. This is terribly unfair - you discussed it with your DH before your children came along and agreed that this would not be happening. Having said that, as the adult child of two extremely overbearing parents myself, I can understand why your DP is feeling wobbly about it all, especially mixed up with the emotion of your twins being born. He does need to stick to the agreement though. This is not fair on you and giving in to his family's demands on the naming issue could set a nasty precendent for future decisions about the twins.

Please don't be afraid of the 'feminist' label. Like Trills, I'm interested as to why you felt you had to point out that you're not a feminist. I'm sure you think your twins are equally gorgeous and wonderful and that they are equally capable of growing into amazing adults. Your refusal to just give in to this patriarchal bullying about your DS's name suggests that you are a feminist which is wonderful!

Congratulations on your twins

[thebody]

you told your dh you weren't going to do it. he knew and so agreed.

sorry op he needs to man up to his family and protect you as his wife. he should be the filter here and stopping this 'bullying' at once.

tell your sil to go fuck herself.