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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how people afford to live

129 replies

Holly94 · 18/07/2013 14:35

I know it's a cheeky thing to ask but struggling to understand how we're going to manage.
I'm 11 weeks pg with our first baby (surprise baby) and I have a 20 hour a week job although most weeks do overtime which means I work full time so earn about £800-900 a month and DP works full time his salary is £17500 per year. That works out to around £2000 a month after tax.
At the moment we live with his parents, we pay £180 a month in rent (that covers both of us, and our food) but are looking to move out. However it's all so expensive :(
We've been looking at properties in the £500 per month range but I have no idea how much bills cost, and then with the added costs of travelling to work etc, food, nappies it all seems like we won't have anything at all left over. Oh and DP has a car finance agreement which costs 200 a month as well as various other outgoings.
:(
How do people manage it?

OP posts:
Permanentlyexhausted · 18/07/2013 23:10

For example, the baby monitor I bought was possibly the biggest waste of money ever. I used it, maybe, twice. I do have ears afterall!

Nagoo · 18/07/2013 23:13

When I was pg they gave me a book thing with loads of budgeting advice in it :) you will manage, you are planning already.

Best of luck! Thanks

LimitedEditionLady · 18/07/2013 23:59

Lessmissabs that post read to myself that you were being negative.Im sure Holly knows what she aims for.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 00:02

And when did she say her main ambition in life is to be a SAHM?Im going to judge you now,yeah shes going to be a mum,doesnt mean she cant ever be anything else if she so chooses.

LessMissAbs · 19/07/2013 00:16

It was the bit where the OP wrote Really want to be a SAHM but we will see how we are with finances. Excuse my wondering how that fits in with wondering "how people afford to live".

Holly94 · 19/07/2013 07:38

I said that because if money allows us to - say if we were in a better financial situation in a year - then I would like to stay at home to look after my baby instead of going out to work. It is not my main ambition in life at all, I was all ready to go to university, I had places at several very good universities for a competitive degree, and then I fell pregnant, which, like I said was an accident. So no, my main ambition in life is not to be a SAHM but as I don't like the thought of leaving a child under the age of 4 in someone else's care all day everyday - I appreciate a lot of people have to do this, and if we can't afford it then I will obviously go back to work. What's so wrong about wanting to stay at home to look after my child? I still plan to go to university and get a degree, just my life will be lived a different way round to other people's.

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 19/07/2013 08:09

Ignore LessMissAbs, I only ever seem to see her being objectionable.

There are positive advantages to doing it this way round, I'd say. Your options on university might end up being limited geographically, but you'll come to it as a mature person and probably make better use of your time and get a better degree than the people who are still essentially school kids in their heads. Smile

I do think your DP needs to look at ditching/downgrading the car though. That's a helluva chunk of your monthly outgoings. Car finance is one of the most expensive kinds of loan there is.

Good luck!

samandi · 19/07/2013 08:28

Lots of people don't pay £200 per month for a car or have "other outgoings". £180 a month rent ... good lord

samandi · 19/07/2013 08:30

Actually, I take that back. I can think of a few people I know who do this (car finance). A few years ago I didn't know anyone, everyone either had their own car bought outright or didn't have one. Our car cost a few hundred quid to buy so I find it astonishing that people pay the same every month and then plead poverty ...

Holly94 · 19/07/2013 08:34

MadBusLady there's no way the car could be ditched, he has no other way of getting to work and he also runs a canvas printing business on the side which means he needs the car to deliver them.
He's been looking at changing to a cheaper, more fuel-efficient car though and downgrading his finance payments so he pays less but over a longer period.
Samandi the car was bought before he even met me, by 'other outgoings' I mean his petrol to get to work, etc. We are lucky to pay £180 a month rent - his parents have done it so we can save, and I wouldn't expect to live there for free. A lot of helpful comments on this thread so thank you everyone. Do wish the odd person who has nothing constructive to contribute wouldn't say anything at all though!

OP posts:
Holly94 · 19/07/2013 08:35

We're not 'pleading poverty' I have made this thread and have included the car payments in the money that has to be paid out each month.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 19/07/2013 08:37

You'll be ok. I second living at home as long as possible and saving as much as you can.

Our incomings / outgoings are as follows -
Dh £1000 a month (I am a sahm)
Tax credits £144 a week
Child benefit 2 children £134 a month
Child maintenance from my ex for dd £200 a month

Mortgage £400 (we are lucky enough to own half our house already from a high income job I used to have)

Including mortgage rest of bills combined is about £950 a month.

We put £100 into savings.

We have a very old car that cost us £900 about 3 years ago :) it goes, that's all that matters :)

We split whatever is left over between us to spend equally.

With the baby buy as much as you can from eBay or gumtree. Especially clothes..they grow so fast!

Ds is now 13 months and is in age 2 clothing!

Holly94 · 19/07/2013 08:40

Thank you Fairylea! Both sets of parents have told us not to bother buying clothes for now as they'll sort that out, and my mum is helping out with the pram so we just need a cot, Moses basket, baby bath etc.. Been doing some sale shopping and will be looking on gumtree, eBay etc too :)

OP posts:
Fairylea · 19/07/2013 08:59

If you can get the cot by your bed I really wouldn't bother with a Moses basket... in my experience babies grow out of them so fast and none of mine ever settled well in them (I've also fostered babies).

If you get a bouncy chair that vibrates as well as reclines quite well you'll get more use out of that for longer and the baby will be able to nap in it during the day. Fisher price jungle friends is a very good one.

As they get older they will nap in the cot anyway (hopefully!) :)

Also don't worry about what anyone says about being a sahm ... I had dd when I was quite young, I sahm'd for abit, then went back to college, then had a career for a bit, then had ds many years later then now I wanted a break so I'm a sahm again. Life is very long and when you have dc young you have plenty of time. Don't panic.

AnotherStitchInTime · 19/07/2013 09:08

I wouldn't bother with the moses basket either, the grow out of them so quickly. We have a cot bed which goes from birth to age 4.

formicadinosaur · 19/07/2013 10:21

I quickly realised that pre kids we flittered our money away a little. I expect you are doing he same. We are more careful now. Lots of items are second hand and I do home haircuts. We have no loans on cars as we bought something very basic but reliable. We don't own lots of gadgets, only one or two. We have quite a nice life in a nice area but it isn't extravagant

Living at home on 29k you must have saved loads of money. You could probably even have hAd a house deposit saved if motivated.

formicadinosaur · 19/07/2013 10:32

I see you are a teen and so it must be all new to you. 27k per year is a lot when living at home. 17k if you are to be a SAHM will be tricky but it just takes some thought and planning. Don't be lulled into thinking you need lots of things to keep up with technology or things for the baby. Keep if simple.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 11:17

I think moses baskets dont last either i had a 10lb baby and he had weeks in it!vibrating chairs are a lifesaver,

lljkk · 19/07/2013 11:21

A thread asking people to share their £2k/month budgets, might help you see how to make it all work.

specialsubject · 19/07/2013 11:37

second hand baby kit all the way. Pushchairs, cots etc go for cheap as chips because of the 'nothing but the best for my baby' crap. Baby clothes and kit from charity shops, plus you will probably get some presents.

Look at ending the car finance - more than your rent on a car is not sensible! Buy a £1000 cheapie which will do you fine.

no mobile internet - home broadband, £10 pay as you go phones. No wasting money on magazines, takeaways, clothes for adults, makeup etc etc.

if your baby is wanted that is all that matters.

elQuintoConyo · 19/07/2013 16:38

Also look around for the NHS-led antenatal classes. The paid ones may be better (not sure, I'm not in UK). My classes were dull as fuck, I learnt more from What to Expect When You're Expecting and made only one friend sniff sniff I'm nice really plus the first or last hour, of a two-hour class, was lying on the floor 'relaxing'. At 9am I preferred relaxing at home!!
Obviously if you are nervous and unsure about some bits, find a class and ignore me! I'd have been naffing useless at 18!

GinOnTwoWheels · 19/07/2013 19:44

Congrats OP.

Save as much money as you can now, while you are paying tiny rent.

When looking for your own place, if you find somewhere within walking/cycling distance of your DPs work, you could get rid of the car and save massively on car costs. Cars just eat money. How much is his insurance, assuming that he's a similar age to you?

Spend as little as possible on food out of the home, and things like mobile phones. It's possible to spend loads on these items and view them as necessaties, but really they're luxuries.

Could you both work part time to reduce the amount of paid child care needed?

Make sure you're getting all the benefits you are entitle to - you might get different types of tax credit, child benefit and help towards childcare if you pay for it.

Also check if there's anything extra to help student parents.

Is your DP on board with living within your means and how things will change when the baby comes along?

Draw up a budget and work out how much regular bills cost, then food, then saving for things like christmas and holidays and then how much is left over for 'fun'.

Don't borrow for every day living. If you can't pay off the credit card at the end of each month, don't have one.

If you're going to be a SAHM, if you can manage timewise, one thing that can really make a difference is if you also manage the family budget and make sure you are always get the best prices for gas/electric/insurances etc, and also meal plan and cook from scratch.

Look at moneysavingexpert.com. It covers all aspects of getting the most from your money.

HTH and best wishes!

secondchances · 20/07/2013 07:07

I strongly don't suggest weekly food shops! I can spend just over £100 on a monthly online shop for myself & dd. I freeze cooked meals to use again & it's saved me loads compared to going shopping every week.

Dilidali · 20/07/2013 07:39

Congratulations!
You will be fine.
The basic bills are

Gas
Electric
Water
Council tax
TV licence
Telephone
Internet

Set aside roughly £300 for this and make it direct debit, it is cheaper. BT gives you the option to pay line rental in one go, about £120 for the year, makes it much cheaper.

Insurance, MOT, service for the car and petrol are another expense you need to budget for. With my car I need about £500 a year, roughly, petrol on top, I spend about £150-200 a month on petrol. Add all your sums together then divide by 12 and see how much you need to set aside for this.

Food wise, we are 3 and I spend about £40 a week in Lidl and one shop in Sainsbury's for stuff I can't find in Lidl, about £60. I cook from scratch. The treats are mainly baked on a saturday afternoon, biscuits, cake etc. i found it helpful to menu plan and set days for certain ingredients, eg: tuesday egg night( eg:omelette), friday pasta, monday rice etc. gives you a rough idea what to cook.

To give you an idea, twice a year I need about £150 for kid's clothes and shoes. I am not adverse to second hand so I buy a mix of sales and charity shops. Mine is a bit older, so she needs school shoes, boots, crocs, flipflops and trainers, once or twice a year, I never buy second hand shoes. I have a girl and often buy dresses that in a couple of years'time turn into t-shirts/tunics worn with leggings. Sometimes you'll find in sales things your child would be able to wear next year, buy it and write it in your diary for the appropriate month: she has winter jacket ! under October,for example, for a coat you bought last march, because of sales. Or: school shoes, under august, maybe july as well, so the expense doesn't catch you unexpectedly, gives you time to budget.
You'll be fine:)

marleebrodie · 20/07/2013 07:59

Do you have to go into a private rent?
Any housing associations in your area?
Shared ownership schemes?
What is the local authority stock like?
Is it worth looking at other housing options as rent likely to be your biggest outgoing?
Congratulations by the way you sound really sensible and forward thinking ....you will be fine.

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