to wonder if breastfeeding made me more PFB than I needed to be?

[ChickenLickenSticken]

DD is 19 months. We stopped BFing a month ago and I have to say that on the whole, I really enjoyed feeding, but I do wonder if it contributed to me being more PFB than I would've been if I hadn't have BF. She was a bottle refuser until she was about 9 months which I found hugely stressful and meant that leaving her was difficult.

Between 12-18 months it was more or less only the one feed at bedtime and I didn't mind that.

I know I can be negative sometimes, and I definitely overthink things so I wonder if some of the restrictions that come with BF made me more uptight.

Things like - wearing a dress, drinking alcohol, going out only after DD had had her bedtime feed, DD staying over at grandparents, not wanting DH to touch my boobs during hanky panky (just felt weird) --that's even if I could bare to get jiggy with it, totally lost my sex drive... but it's back now!, going out more in general etc etc

Just recently I've felt more "free". And I guess I'm wondering whether that's because DD is more independent due to age, or whether BFing played a part?

Anyway, I'm rambling now... Anyone else had similar thoughts?

I really don't think I would have been any different if I had bottle fed. Except not having to think about accessibility when choosing clothes I suppose but I hardly see that as pfb, just practicality, now she is only an evening feed I wear whatever I like. We still went out in the evening, just carefully timed and planned, but again I don't think I would have gone out more if I hadn't been feeding. I don't drink anyway so guess that's not really an issue.

I'm still bfing at 16 months. I never really felt things would be easier if i didnt bf. I think the thing was dp did still take on 50% of the childcare, he even went part time at work and took 3 months leave. We managed this even with dd being a major bottle refuser. Personally I think people make too much of feeding as if its the be all and end all of childcare and its not. Its a big and important part but its still only one part and just because you do all the feeding doesn't mean you have to do everything.

I think YANBU - BFing does tie you to your baby in a way that FF doesn't. neunundneunzigluftballons up thread said she had dinner out at 2 weeks with DC1 who was FF, but for most BF babies, it just wouldn't be possible to be apart from them for 2 - 3 hours that early, infact it would be more like 2-3 months before most bf babies could go more than 4 hours between feeds. It does limit you to going places/doing things that the baby can come too.

If you breast feed to sleep, then by the very nature of bfing, no one else can settle your DC, no one else can do it. DH could only get more involved with sleep and giving me time away from DS when I stopped breast feeding.

As for clothes, that's something else that really depends on your style beforehand. If you wore the sort of clothes that are breast feeding friendly before having DCs, then it won't feel so different afterwards. I had DD 6 weeks ago and I'm finding it very hard to find clothes to wear - I know what you mean about dresses, I own 10 summer dresses, but of those, only one i can breastfeed wearing, the others would require a full strip. (not bad if you were at the post 6 months stage where you're only feeding 2-3 times a day, but at the 0-6month stage, you need reguarly boob access. A lot of my summer wardrobe doesn't work for boob access (although wintery clothes I'm fine with -which is when I had DS so it didn't seem to be so much of an issue last time round).

Losing your style, not being able to wear clothes you think you look good in, but instead focussing on your DCs needs does make you feel less "you" and more "mummy" which isn't always a good thing.

I fed DS for 21 months, and while I adored it, it did feel restrictive. I also developed an autoimmune thyroid condition ten months postpartum, so bf'ing did feel particularly hard on my body. Having to check which medications I could or couldn't take, wondering whether I could use salicylic acid on my skin or not, having to forego dairy because DS had terrible silent reflux: these were minor inconveniences, but still, my body did not feel like my own during that time.

I'm pregnant with DC2 and hope to bf again, but I'm not sure I will feed so long again, partly because I don't want to be tied to the house with an active toddler at my side, and partly because I'm worried about the impact of bf'ing hormones on my thyroid condition.

I'm an "older" mom in that I was 31 having dd, and 38 having ds.
Such completely different mothering experiences. I think a lot comes down to who you are, your age expectations, raltionship, peers, support etc.
Dd, emcs, separated for 1st day of life, struggled to bf, combine fed, helicopter dad, post natal d, baby in "own room" at 16w, I was weirded out for a long long time.
Ds elective cs, bf from get-go, with me, helicopter dad told buzz off (nicely) co-slept til 18mos, bf til 2.5y. Never felt freer or more in tune with myself as a parent which had positively informed my parenting (and I hope been a good role model for dd).

'Has' informed

Mine are teens now, IME PFB behaviour is mainly a personality thing, but I do recall those doing longer term bf then also tended to go in for much more of the whole handmade foods/co-sleeping/baby wearing package more seriously too. That was then though, dunno about today. Bf definitely ties you to the baby more than ff.

BTW if you think PFB is bad, just wait for the Reception Year Helicopter Mummees :)

This is really interesting. I bf my PFB DS for 6 months before switching to FF. Almost 4 years later, I had DD and started BF, but quickly remembered the panicky feel

What does PFB mean.

Aargh silly phone!!

the panicky feeling of "oh that's me she wants" when she started to stir for a feed. I hated that only I could satisfy her. I know everyone's different but I really felt like I was still pregnant as I was so tied to her, watching what I ate and drank, etc. I felt guilty for feeling that way but guilty for resenting hearing her cry for food. I had a really understanding PHN who helped me rationalise those feelings, and said that something like "if you're happy, she'll be happy". When I made peace with my decision to switch to FF I felt liberated and mentally more able to cope.

I know its so un-PC on here to say so, but BF wasn't for me and I think it's ok to feel that you get your own self back a little when you stop.

Then again, I was never overly Precious with either of mine (no prob leaving them with others, no tears on going back to work, etc.) so maybe I'm just cold and heartless anyway!!

PFB = Precious First Born SHarri13

I BFed DS1 until 13m. I wouldn't say I was particularly PFB about him. I liked the spontenaity of BFing. I'm scatty and it was nice never having to worry about routines for feeding and supplies of formula. Unfortunately he was a bottle refuser which restricted non-mummy time too. I remember a mummy night out at about 7-8m and it was obvious how people fed as the FFers were drinking and out late, and the BFers had to be back earlier to feed (or risk engorgement even if baby took a bottle). I managed to carve out enough me time. DS came to Brownies with me, so that aspect of life continued. I fitted in fitness classes between feeds. I can't fit in my normal tops anyway so wear feeding tops and dresses. I did get bored of the same 5 or so tops on loop for 10+ months until the day feeds were dropped.

I stopped feeding in advance of a Brownie Pack Holiday as there are ratio issues with leader's own children and I was doing my licence, but I'd reached the point of wanting a few months of normality before TTCing again, so really that was a date to stop for. I'd met my goal of 12m and didn't want to continue to toddlerhood.

Other than practicalities of going out, it doesn't bother me that I do all feeds. All I do is hug baby, expose breast, job's a good 'un. I'd find preparing bottles much more onerous.

It did make me feel used at times. DS is a daddy's boy and he used to give DH a lot of affection (still does) but I felt that his affection to me had the agenda of milk. "Ma!" meant hungry for many months. One of the pleasures for stopping was knowing that he appreciated my company without an agenda.

I definately get more positives from BFing than negatives.

No, I think it is down to personality.

I bfed until my eldest was over 18 months old (her choice, not mine), but by that stage, she had slept overnight at my parents, I wore what I wanted, bfed anywhere and everywhere, drank alcohol (and did so during my pregnancy too), ate what I wanted (including nuts) and was did as I pleased. I was anal about the things that was (and still is) important to me, but other stuff I didn't mind.

Not at all. You gave your baby the best gift ever. And if you think of it if you live to age 85 it is only 1.4% of your life that you didn't drink alcohol or wear a dress.

YABU to say hankypanky and jiggy though

Having done both I'd say breast feeding does make things a bit more difficult, I'm formula feeding my new baby and I'm much more laid back and things are less difficult .

It depends on personality - breast feeding was much easier for me.

I was very PFB with my PFB . Nowt to do with BF but cause I was scared shitless of accidently killing her or breaking her. I got a lot more laid back by the time number four arrived.

One tip I found great for bottle refusal - forget the bottles

What worked for me was to give breast milk on a spoon, moving to cup, and skipped bottles entirely.

It was great.

I don't find it strange that babies should like rubber teats when they're accustomed to nice squishy nipples :)

"Shouldn't" wah!