to be unable to think of appropriate consequences for 7 year old

[neveronsunday]

I don't know what to do.

DS1 is 7. He's not badly behaved but has always tested boundaries.

At the moment, he just thinks that he knows best. He doesn't listen and things are getting broken.

Examples - at the weekend we told him not to launch the big trucks off the patio as the pots would get broken.

He ignored us and one did.

All week, we have told him not to touch the fan (we only have one) because its dangerous. Tonight, he moved it from his brother's room to his and it fell off the table & broke.

Last week, he stood on a boxed set of books he'd been bought & ruined the box.

I'm rubbish at this kind of thing. I know accidents happen but it's all carelessness and lack of thought.

WWYD?

You could be writing about my 7yr old DS1, the lack of care drives us mad! No advice I'm afraid, we're struggling with it too, so I'm piggy-backing on your thread hoping for some helpful advice too and forming a 7 yr old DS1 support group

That's what 7 year olds are meant to do,its part of learning.

Just keep telling him

Do they actually learn though?

Please say they do it quickly.

You have to take it through to it's natural conclusion. So if he breaks soemthing he has to replace it. Thats either through his pocket money (if he gets any) or by missing a treat or something you would otherwise do with the money because you have to replace the broken items.

Or you take away access to things that are precious/breakable (hint: also things that are important to him) until he can show you he can be trusted.

I'm not saying no pocket money for the rest of his life/no treats till the end of the summer but you have to show cause and effect. And that 'stuff' really doesn't grow on trees.

I recommend 'how to talk so children will listen' which has been a massive help to me. And I'm just about to re-read it after a hideous scene this afternoon when I didnt just let it run into a natural consequence and lost my temper instead

consequence fits the crime as far as possible

so - playing outside and not listening, go inside
moved the fan and it got broken, he isn't allowed fan in his room.
broken boxed set - well if they are his, he has to live with it being broken, if they are someone elses, he needs to repay (pocket money?, earn some money by doing jobs etc?

Things that have worked for us
job list on the fridge - mistreat something in the house (slamming doors) then do a household job
pocket money - deducted in 10p increments for rudeness
removing toys/games that he likes, so breaking something, means loss of use of something of yours for one day
dd2 takes toys that belong to the others and plays with them. So we started to say if she takes theirs, they are allowed to choose and borrow one of her toys for 24 hours. That as worked.

But carelessness is part of being a kid and so I try to keep it not too emotional, which is hard.

Oh that's what I've just done.

That's my homework for the holidays sorted!

I tried reading it ages ago but I think they were too young for me to get it.

Will give it another go.

I really like 'how to talk' as well

They have written another book called siblings without rivalry, which I like too

Thank you.

Feeling a little less hot & bothered about it now.

We had a good chat about it this morning & he seems to understand - especially as we now have no fan